I’d lost track of time, consumed by everything I still had to prepare for my upcoming business trip and distracted by my indecision and confusion regarding Hana’s sudden confession that she had feelings for me. I hadn’t had a moment to actually figure out what to do about it all, so instead I had buried myself in work and she was just as busy as I was, but I knew I would have to face it at some point, I couldn’t avoid it forever. Hana seemed to be a quite straightforward person, so I had a feeling she wouldn’t let this go, she would surely get an answer out of me one way or another. I quickly pushed those thoughts away, feeling overwhelmed and anxious, I didn’t want to think about it now. 

I was headed to see my little sister, Jennifer. I double checked the time and was pleasantly surprised to see that I wasn’t going to be late after all. I’d been lucky and traffic hadn’t been as bad as it usually was around this time. I was the eldest of three children, my brother James was five years younger than I was and Jennifer was a staggering 18 years younger than I was, so the age gap between us sometimes made people think I was her father when we were out together. My mother, Julie, had had me when she was only 18 which made the huge age gap between me and my sister possible. 

James opened the door with a deep frown. “You’re late.” he said, clearly irritated. 

I wasn’t. I had double checked and was right on time. “I’m sorry.” I said instead of correcting him, figuring James was probably stressed and going through his own struggles. Arguing wouldn’t make anything better, it would just irritate him further and I didn’t want to cause him any more stress. I patted his shoulder gently, trying to give him some silent comfort with whatever it was that was bothering him, as I stepped past him to go inside. 

“I’m going to head out now. Mom went out with some friends and Jenny is in her room being a moody brat.” James said as he stepped past me and put on his shoes, it was clear he had been waiting for me to come so he could leave. Mom didn’t like Jennifer being left alone at home, so James and I took turns watching her when she had plans. “Oh, and cousin Chris called, he’s moving back in like 5-6 months, so he sends his regards or whatever.” he said in a hurry as he almost ran out of the house. I would have liked to ask for more details about everything he said, but James was gone before I could open my mouth. I let out a sigh and shook my head slightly. 

At that moment my phone dinged as I got a text message from my mother. 

Mom: On my way, honey. Can’t wait to meet you 🖤

I looked at the message, confused for a moment. Didn’t James just say she was going out with friends? This looked more like something you’d send to a significant other than to a friend. Was mom seeing someone? The thought of her moving on from dad gave me pause. On the one hand, my father had died while she was pregnant with Jennifer, so it had been thirteen years already, but on the other hand it had always seemed like they were soulmates. Growing up, my parents had seemed like the happiest couple to me, they never argued even though they were both young and still figuring out life. My dad had been my hero, I looked up to him and when he died in a car accident I lost myself for some time. It was a dark time for us all, my mother was pregnant with her third child and had two teenage boys to take care of, but it was too much for her to handle on her own, so I had distanced myself to not add to the burden. What got me through those times was writing down my feelings in letters. 

Grief never really left you and so seeing my mom’s message, that was clearly not meant for me, gave me a strange feeling. Logically, I knew that moving on after over a decade was reasonable, even expected, but I still thought of dad as the love of her life, someone impossible to replace or move on from. In my eyes he had always seemed bigger than life, the man I aspired to be like, and so it felt almost like a betrayal, even though I knew it wasn’t. It really wasn’t. And I wanted to be happy for my mom, of course, I wanted her to move on and find love again. These two contradicting feelings could co-exist, I decided. I also wished she had felt she could tell us if she was dating someone. Did she think we wouldn’t be happy for her?

As I was contemplating it all, I saw that I had a few unread messages from other people as well. There was one from Tia, but I didn’t have the energy to look at it, it all just felt so complicated after what had happened after our lunch meeting at SOAP. Another was from a co-worker, Holly, which I also ignored and then I scanned and saw that my friends Leo and Austin also had sent me messages, but before I could check, my phone’s battery died. Just as well, I wasn’t in the mood to chat with anyone and needed a break from my phone anyway. Being off my phone for a while would be good for me and this way I could focus on spending time with Jenny with no distractions. 

James had said she was being a moody brat, so I decided I’d try to cheer her up. She wasn’t a gloomy child in general, so something must be up. I knocked softly on her door, but didn’t hear an answer so I carefully cracked the door open and peeked in. Jenny was sitting with her back towards the door, headphones on and staring at her computer in the dark. She must not have heard me. I opened the door, taking in the dark room and closed curtains, it really did feel like a moody teen’s room. The light from the hallway must have alerted her to my presence because she turned around and blocked the view of her computer screen as she took off her headphones. 

“Jake! You can’t just come in without knocking!” she said accusingly, but she looked a bit sad rather than purely angry.

“Hi Jenny, sorry, I did knock, but I guess you didn’t hear me.” I said motioning to her headphones. “Everything alright?” I said as I tried to peek over her shoulder at her screen, but she blocked it completely. 

“Fine. What do you want?” she said, now sounding tired. 

“Just checking in, thought I’d come and say hi.” I looked around the room, “a bit dark in here, isn’t it?” I smiled gently at her as I opened the curtains, but she just rolled her eyes at me. After a slight pause I asked to borrow her phone charger as I hadn’t brought my own. I had my own with me, but I at least felt a bit better if I could help others so I thought she might feel a bit better too if she could be of help. I also knew she liked to be useful and able to help with things. Ever since she was little - not that she was big now, she was still just a child- she had liked it when I gave her small tasks to do. She turned off her computer and went to find me a phone charger, she already looked a little less tense and tired, but not completely herself yet. 

I decided it was best to get Jenny out of her room, to distract her from whatever was making her upset. We decided to watch a movie, she could pick whatever she wanted and so I left her in front of the living room TV to decide what to watch, while I set out to make her favorite fun drink - it was hot chocolate with an obscene amount of whipped cream and all kinds of toppings. I had just put on the finishing touches and was carefully walking over with the drink when I stumbled over the edge of the rug in the living room and most of the hot drink overflowed all over my hands and some of it splashed on the floor. Jenny looked at me in shock and let out a gasp, and I almost cursed, but managed to hold back as I didn’t like swearing in front of her. Instead I put on a bright smile and got to work cleaning it up. I also refilled the drink, this time making sure the mug wasn’t too full. Jenny helped me and was very concerned about the drink burning my hands. Forcing me to hold my hands under cold water for a long time. Fortunately, it had taken me so long to make the drink that it had cooled somewhat before I managed to spill it on myself, which I told her and that seemed to relieve her concern a bit. Jenny was a good kid, so caring and always ready to help, my little angel. 

We talked a little while we cleaned and as we got to watching the movie she had picked she was back to her old self, chatty and cheerful as she passionately explained the lore of the movie to me. My heart swelled with quiet happiness as I watched her and I wished she would always be happy like this. I wished the world would be as kind to her as she was to everyone around her. Whatever it was that had made her sad today, I hoped it would be gone by tomorrow.