Twenty Minutes Later...

Chalk erasers can be heard, clapping together. The two kids cough.

Shop
I'm so hungry. I just wanna get out of here and eat something... like a big, juicy burger. Or a hot dog. Or a sloppy dog.

Noko
What's a sloppy dog?

Shop
It's like a chili dog but with sloppy joe mix instead. Beef, peas, tomato sauce... you gotta try it with me. That, or chicken nachos.

Noko
That sounds, like, actually disgusting.

Shop
You don't like hot dogs and nachos?

Noko
Last time I tried a hot dog, I almost died from food poisoning. I've been eating beans and noodles for years with NO problems.

Shop
If you die, you won't have to deal with Gorey and 'The Stayfer'.

They both sigh.

Noko
Ever since they came back from city camp, they've been such assholes.

Shop
They get one month of car exhaust and rap music, and they turn into pricks. It's like my dad always says, never live in the city.

Noko
We have both of those things here.

Shop
Yeah, but like, not as bad.

Noko
I guess.

More eraser clapping.

Noko
Gorey used to be alright, didn't he? For the only albino kid in town.

Shop
You mean 'hamlet'.

Noko
I mean town. We're getting bigger, we'll get there.

Shop
Gorey was alright, but I don't even know where to START with Staphen. He's been weird since we were little. Always picking fights with people twice his size, then running away scared.

Noko
Yeah, there's that. The way he dresses, too, never wears anything his own size. I'm surprised he can get through the door with his big, dumb shoes dragging on the floor. Those things have more holes in them than laces.

Shop
And-

WHACK! A stick hitting something.

Shop
OW!! My HEAD!

Gorey
Duel me!

Noko
There's only one meter-stick!

Shop
Are you trying to make friends or pick on us? Because meter-stick sword-fights are how you make friends.

Gorey
I have ENOUGH friends.

WHAP!

Noko
Son of a-!!

Gorey
Take it from me.

Noko
Okay.

Gorey
Nuh-uh!

SNAP!

Shop
Oh, shit.

Noko
That's not good.

Gorey
(Indignant.) Wait till Mrs. Dosela sees you broke her ruler!

Shop
We'll just tell her you broke it.

Gorey
Yeah, but I'M a good student! She'll never believe you!

Shop
We're good students!

Gorey
I actually finish my homework.

Silence.

Noko
...well, you're a baby-face!

Gorey
(Upset.) Hey, I'm not a babyface!

Shop
Yes you are! You have long white hair, adorable freckles, and baby grey eyes!

Noko
You look like the picture on a bottle of lotion!

Gorey
(Upset.) Hey, SHUT UP!! You both have baby faces too!

Shop
No we don't, and we're taller! You're a bean-baby!

Noko
Yeah, bean-baby!

Gorey
I'm- you're a fucking- I'm TELLING!

Shop
YOU ALREADY DID! That's why we're HERE, dipshit!

Footsteps leaving the room.

Noko
'Bean-baby', nice one.

Shop
Thank you.

A high-five claps. The footsteps come back, this time with a second pair of feet.

Gorey
(Still sniffling.) By the way, that was a really stupid thing to say. And I'm gonna tell everyone what jerks you guys are for talking like that to me, and they're all gonna HATE you!

Noko
Oh my God.

Shop
Why did you come BACK?

Gorey
You guys think you're SOOO COOOL, but we can kick both your asses!

Noko
Hop on, little mouse. Let's see you try.

Shop
You just asked for THUNDER and LIGHTNING!

Stayfer
You wanna fight? Two versus two, let's go! After school!

Gorey
I have soccer practice after school.

Stayfer
Tomorrow?

Noko
I'm pretty sure if you fight the class geeks, you get LESS street cred. Shouldn't you two be sharing a locker, somewhere?

Shop
Just because you're yapping more than last year doesn't mean you're any tougher.

Noko
You guys are still scrawny nerds.

Stayfer
Your FACE is scrawny!

Gorey
And ANOTHER THING-

Click.

Juke
Sorry, I got sick of listening to that... pissing contest. I'm so over junior high.

Juke screams abruptly, and stops just as quickly.

Juke
Damn! I just dropped food on my lap. Gotta trim that out. I have to... stupid program. How do I... oh, shit. Well, too late to start over. Testing, testing, one, two. Loud and clear? Good stuff.

Track switching.

Juke
I really do appreciate the job, by the way. I've been a security guard for years now, but this is by far the most comfortable position I've ever held: Head of Security at St. Juniper Middle School. It's a nice vacation, just sitting back and listening to tapes. I even get a little extra distance from my, um... boss, Principal Seawall Dosela. Not that I dislike her, but she's very... high-strung. It's nice to breathe, sometimes. Not to be confused with her daughter, Mrs. Dosela – that's why we just call her Mrs. Seawall.

She wants me to spy on one student in particular: my nephew, Keo Adakai. That's 'Key-Oh', not 'Kay-Oh'. Little guy's gonna be knockout when he's older, though, just like his dad. I miss him, my brother. But I can't talk about all that too much, here. It's tough to live here, sometimes, in Mikwa'am. You see a lot of hard times, all around you, and you feel them even if they aren't all your own. I might not be a full-blooded Native American, but I am Métis – at least, that's what my DNA test says. Yep, a whole 3.5%. It's like I'm part of the tribe.

Back to the job. Mrs. Seawall is worried about another incident, like last year's. After word got out that Keo and Kosumi shared an... intimate moment; which, is none of my business; Keo has had some... attitude problems. Giving sarcastic answers on tests, for one thing. Taking things from the vending machine without paying. Ignoring his teachers, listening to music on his headphones in class. Doesn't even try to hide it with earbuds in a hat, just... wants everyone to know he can't hear them, I suppose. That kind of thing. But it's rough, being a kid. Especially here, where there's a lot of... religious pressure. But I'd better not say anything about that, either.

Shuffling in a chair.

Juke
He's never broken anything so far, at least not on purpose. A ruler, and I think a chair, but it was one of the old ones. The job's easy enough, and I am curious how he's doing these days. But, Keo isn't showing up to class, so all I'm getting is this trash-talk. I feel bad not informing the students, but Mrs. Dosela said it was of 'the utmost importance' that we 'keep this to ourselves'. I guess it's more secure, that way. Anyway, back to work.

Track switch.

Tab
[Did you hear about Tracy's lip infection?]

Oddball
[I heard she kissed a few guys to get it.]

Manic laughter. Track switch.

Juke
Trés bien, non? Check this one out:

Stayfer
[Yeah Harold, I skate.]

Harold
[Oh, yeah, Stayfer? Can you do any tricks?]

Stayfer
[Uhh... I mean, I could, but like, I'm kinda tired, y'know?]

Silence.

Harold
[...you can't skate, can you?]

Stayfer
[I can... rollerblade. Does that count?]

Harold
[No, dude. Rollerblading doesn't count.]

Track switch.

Juke
Trés embarassant! Anyway, I've been thinking. Why don't we try to use these recording devices to catch the PurpleFox? Not that I care, I love spooky stories. That one about the monster who eats your toilet paper and leaves you with nothing? Whoo, I got chills. The scariest stories are the true ones.

Anyway, I've been locking the News Room every day after school, but he still seems to find his way in, no matter what. Shouldn't we be more worried about how he's doing that?

Anyway, c'est fait. I'm out for the day!