This is an informational episode for readers' convenience. It does not contain actual plot / story, but may be helpful for readers' understanding, or if they have any plans to travel to Japan in the future.

                                         TODAY'S TOPIC

          Japanese Host / Guest Customs - Part 1: The Guest

If you are already aware of what the Japanese customs consist of when vising someone's home, or when hosting your own to others, please feel free to skip this chapter.

                               HOW TO BE A GOOD GUEST

In Japan, there are many customs and unspoken rules of expectations. To anyone new to the country, whether here on business, vacation, or relocating permanently, it can sometimes be overwhelming or confusing, compared to the customs of their homeland. Hopefully these infosodes will help make your time spent in Japan easier and a more enjoyable experience.

                      DON'T BRING UNINVITED PEOPLE

Just showing up with an extra person (or worse, multiple people) is considered disrespectful because the host did not give their permission, and because they invited you, therefore planned for only you specifically. A good host will never refuse these extra guests at the door, but now there may not be enough food, drinks, seating, etc. to accommodate everyone, which can be inconvenient and embarrassing to the host. If you'd like to bring someone with you, be sure to ask the host for permission ahead of time (at least one day prior, or more if possible) so that the host has extra time to prepare. Even if you are married, depending on the type of event (ie. dinner, lunch, tea party, cards, etc), you bringing your spouse along might not have been expected (or vise versa, they did expect it and only you showed up), so be sure to clarify who all is invited, to hopefully avoid any misunderstandings.

ALWAYS BRING A GIFT

Bringing a temiyage ( 手土産 ), or a small gift is the unspoken, but required rule when visiting someone else's home (or even when attending a business meeting or new place of work). This is to show appreciation, respect, and goodwill to the host. Failure to do so, shows the opposite and is very disrespectful, often making the guest look conceited or thoughtless (very much a reason for you to not get invited again). The gift should be small, decently priced, and thoughtful. If it's too extravagant, expensive, or large, you may make the host feel uncomfortable, as if they can't hold up to expectations. Also, large items in general may inconvenience the host if they are too bulky. But if the gift is too simple, extremely cheap, or thoughtless, you may insinuate that you don't respect / care for the host or their efforts enough. Avoid choosing something from the host's local area or buying a last-minute gift nearby (since they've likely had it already or could go get it themselves, it would be considered thoughtless). Avoid homemade or alcoholic gifts unless you know the host very well, and avoid things that need immediate attending to, such as flowers. Typical items to bring are sweets, fruit (especially oranges), regional delights (only if they are from your area, when you don't live near the host), or anything that you know for sure the host likes. Keep in mind that they may bring something similar to your gift, if you are ever hosting them instead, because if they like it, they may think you both do, so never try to "pawn off" things you don't want on your host. Bring a gift that is an unopened purchase if you want to score extra points with the host. If you're not meeting the host for the first time (or when there is a level of familiarity), probably the best gift you could bring (if possible) would be an "omiyage" ( お土産 ). If you traveled somewhere recently (even if it's still within Japan, but relatively far away), these are the gifts that you bring back from your travels, intended for others. It's highly preferred to have the gift wrapped, since presentation is usually just as important as the gift itself. Most stores in Japan provide omiyage wrapping services because of this, and it's usually a relatively inexpensive extra cost (if not already free with the purchase), compared to the United States. If you're looking for a more traditional option, use a cloth wrap called a "furoshiki" ( 風呂敷 ) .

       ARRIVING RIGHT ON TIME IS VERY IMPORTANT

Arriving too early can be considered rude and inconveniencing because the host may still be cooking or preparing for your visit. Arriving too late is even worse (seen as very disrespectful and inconsiderate), as if to say you do not value the host's time or their efforts. Be sure plan your trip well ahead of time, especially if you need to travel further than just walking down the street. While trains tend to depart on time for the most part, things happen and you may be delayed. If you know you're going to be more than five minutes late, message the host to let them know ahead of time, at the very least. Calling is usually preferred, but that is not allowed on public transportation, except in emergencies. So, in that case, a text message is okay, as long as you're not sitting in a no-phone-zone on the train. These spots are well marked and phones are supposed to be either turned off, or on airplane mode (but not in use). By 2024, train cars automatically switch your phone to Airplane Mode if you're sitting in these designated seats, once the train begins to move. If you happen to arrive way too early, maybe browse around the local area and explore a bit until it is closer to the show-time, but be sure to keep track of time to not end up late instead. Window shopping is okay, but make sure you don't buy anything unless it's a gift for the host, otherwise it will be seen as rude if you show up with purchase bags and such to your destination.

GREET THE HOST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE

Upon arrival, greet the host by saying the phase "Ojyamashimasu" ( おじゃまします ), and present your temiyage to them, while bowing politely. The greeting phrase literally means something along the lines of “I will be bothering you.” But in actuality, the phrase shows the guest's appreciation for being invited into the host's home, while acknowledging that your presence might possibly be bothersome, since you are entering their space. Hopefully, as a good guest, you're not actually planning to bother your host intentionally or maliciously, or intrude on their personal affairs. If visiting under very casual circumstances (ie. you're friends of their son / daughter in school and frequently come over to hang out with them), show respect to your host by saying the greeting phrase right when you enter their home, loud enough that they will be able to hear you, so that the host is aware of your presence. You may not need a gift for the host, or wait for them to greet you back in this case, especially if it's a daily occurrence, but bring something for the host every once in a while, to let them know you are thinking of them and to show that you are always grateful for their hospitality.

THE GREETING BOW

Your greeting bow, known as "ojigi" ( お辞儀 ), level depends on the level of respect. Usually a small bow at about 15 degrees, known as "eshaku" ( 会釈 ) will suffice. This bow is also used when greeting customers, colleagues, friends, or when in relaxed settings. But if the host, or someone in their family, is highly important / respected (such as your boss), you should bow lower, somewhere between 30 to 45 degrees, known as "keirei" ( 敬礼 ). This is a more formal bow, also used in business situations, when greeting superiors, or showing respect to elders. In any case, always perform the bow with arms flat against your sides, feet together, back straight, with your eyes looking downward at the floor. Your bow should be lower than your host's bow, as a sign of respect. You should not need to perform the most severe bow "saikeirei" ( 最敬礼 ), at more than 45 degrees. This is the deepest and most formal "ritsurei" ( 立礼 ), or standing-type bow. It is only used for apologies, showing profound respect, or in ceremonial contexts. Doing so, when the situation does not call for it (especially if the host did not bow as low, or is physically unable to) may make the host feel uncomfortable. The same goes for "dogeza" ( 土下座 ), also known as the prostrating bow, which is significantly more serious than the "saikeirei" bow. This is the most formal form of "zarei" ( 座礼 ), or kneeling-type bow, where a person kneels and touches their forehead to the floor. Their elbows are also positioned outwards from the body and the palms of their hands are flat on the ground, with their fingers together. This is an extreme gesture performed only as a sign of deep apology, humility, respect, or gratitude, and is used in very serious formal situations, where words are too insufficient to convey this message.

PRESENT YOUR GIFT TO THE HOST

Depending on the situation, presentation of the gift is either during or after your greeting bow. Make sure to hold the gift out with both hands on each side (rather than top / bottom, front / back). Using both hands shows respect and sincerity, while conveying that you value the gift, the act of giving in itself, as well as the person you're gifting to. It emphasizes the importance of courteous and respectful interactions in Japanese culture. This practice should also be followed when receiving something in exchange, such as business cards and money. And never place anything received from others into your pants back pocket (or any other place that is inconsiderate such as inside your shirt), unless it's cash-back from a store. When offering the gift to the host, preface it with the humble phrase "Tsumaranai mono desu ga" ( つまらない物ですが ). This roughly translates to "It's nothing much" or "It's only something small".

DON'T EXPECT GIFTS TO BE OPENED IMMEDIATELY

It is customary for the host to set the gift aside and open it later in privacy, especially if other guests are present. This is to prevent making other guests from feeling awkward if the host really enjoys your gift over theirs, and to protect the host if they unexpectedly dislike your gift. But, if the host chooses to open it in your presence, be gracious and express your gratitude, since this is a rare and honorable occurrence. It is usually a sign of trust, and that they believe in your ability to gift something that they enjoy, while also remaining a humble or modest item.

DO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF AT THE ENTRANCE

In Japan, it is a required custom to remove your shoes, before proceeding further inside the home. Most houses and apartments have a "genkan" ( 玄関 or げんかん ), or entranceway area near the front door, where it is okay to walk in (after greeting the host with "Ojyamashimasu") with your shoes still on, and you take them off there. There are usually steps or benches you can sit on to do so, but as a guest, never cross the raised area with shoes on, or your bare feet, since it is considered disrespectful and unhygienic. Always wear either a clean pair of socks, or indoor-only slippers, known as "uwabaki" ( 上履き ) once inside the host's home. There may be a designated area within the genkan for your shoes, such as mud trays (usually for rain boots and the like), cubical cubbies, or shelves. If so, be sure to place them there. If not, place them off to the side (so someone doesn't accidentally trip on them), and with the toes pointing toward the door. There is an old superstition that doing so wards off bad luck, but it also makes it easier to put them on when you go to leave. Other countries have a version of this entrance custom as well, either due to tradition, hygienic benefits, or both.

DON'T SIT DOWN UNTIL YOU'RE TOLD WHERE

After being shown into the living room or dining area, it is the best to stay standing until you are told where to sit by the host. Each home has a family member with their own "special" assigned seat, so out of respect, you should not sit wherever you want. You can ask the host where you should sit, or simply wait to be seated by them.

DO ACCEPT ANY OFFERED REFRESHMENTS

In most cases, the host will offer you a beverage. It’s a part of the Japanese culture to give a warm welcome to all guests. Politely accept the offering, regardless of whether or not you actually want it, since declining is seen as a rude personal afront to the host's efforts to make you feel properly welcomed. You may be offered some snacks as well, to accommodate the beverage. It’s also common to have your temiyage (if it happened to be food) shared amongst everyone in attendance, along with the beverage.

DON'T IGNORE TOILET SLIPPERS

Try to avoid using the toilet in the host's home, unless necessary, out of respect for their home. If you do need it though, politely excuse yourself, and ask the host where it is located with the phrase "Otearai wa doko desu ka?" ( お手洗いはどこですか ). Usually the host will personnally take you there, but in more casual settings, they will instead instruct you how to get there on your own. Although each home is different, most Japanese homes have separate slippers for toilets. If you see a pair of slippers in the toilet room, don’t assume that someone has left a pair there by accident. Those slippers are expected to be used while inside the restroom. Simply switch over to the toilet slippers upon entering the room, and leave your uwabaki outside the room in similar fashion to what you did at the genkan with your outdoor shoes. Just don't forget to switch back when you're finished.

DON'T "WEAR OUT YOUR WELCOME"

Don't ignore signs indicating a good time to depart the home. Japan is a high-context, read-between-the-lines country. Being able to "read the room” is generally expected, and non-verbal communication is very common. A good host will never directly tell a guest to leave their home. Instead, they will give hints, or small pieces of information, that may move the guest towards ending the visit, such as mentioning another appointment happening soon, wrapping up the event by starting a light clean up, slowly walking you back toward the genkan while conversing with you, etc.

AUTHOR'S PARTING NOTES

Hopefully these tips help in the future, and prevent you from making any embarrassing blunders, if you end up traveling to Japan yourself.

Now, back to the story!

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