Saturday morning felt refreshed after a night of steady rain. Everything in the garden looked damp, though the sky to the east was beginning to brighten as the sun made its presence known. A bit gusty, with the washing line swaying back and forth, but there was promise in the morning light that yesterday's gloom might finally be lifting.

The robin had found a new perch this morning, balanced on top of the decorative garden gnome Dave had insisted on buying last year. It seemed to be posing, head cocked at a jaunty angle as if it knew it was being watched. Then, with perfect comic timing, it lifted its tail, deposited a small white dropping on the gnome's red hat, and flew off. That was apparently all the entertainment it was providing for the day.

I filled my glass with water and flicked on the kettle. Saturday meant bacon sarnie, and I'd cook enough for Dave too, whenever he decided to emerge from his weekend lie-in.

The radio crackled to life as I laid the bacon in the pan, and I was immediately struck by an unfamiliar voice, definitely not Gary's usual news reader.

"Honestly, it's just so typical," came a woman's voice, dripping with cosmic exasperation. "This comet, refusing to deviate even an inch from its path! Just like a Taurus, set in its ways, utterly unyielding. You'd think a celestial body would be a little more flexible, but no, it's bull-headed to the core. It just has to barrel through, doesn't it?"

Gary's voice cut in, sounding confused. "Right... Now, Luna, can you tell us what this comet is actually made of?"

"I don't know," Luna replied matter-of-factly.

"Okay... well, what speed is it travelling at?"

"I have no idea."

"Has it... has it passed Earth before?"

"No clue whatsoever."

"Right. How big is it exactly?"

"Couldn't tell you."

Gary's voice was getting strained. "Is it... is it actually world-ending?"

"Well, that's what they're saying, if you can believe them."

"Who?"

"Oh, you know, those astronomers."

"Aren't you an astronomer?"

"Oh no, no, no! I'm an astrologer. Very different."

"Oh... oh right. Okay, that makes sense. So you know nothing then, and this is a waste of time."

"Oh, I don't know about that! I mentioned the comet's star sign—"

Gary cut her off quickly. "Well... thanks for coming in, Luna..."

"Oh, I can comment further on the comet if you'd like," Luna interjected cheerfully; apparently oblivious to the disaster she was creating.

"No, it's okay," Gary said quickly. "But since you're here, can you give us a song to play?"

"'Counting Stars' by OneRepublic," she replied without hesitation.

I reached for the radio dial and turned it off before Gary could even introduce the song. I stood there shaking my head at the absolute absurdity of what I'd just heard, they'd clearly booked an astrologer instead of an astronomer, and somehow nobody had caught the mistake until she was live on air.

Looking out through the window, my eye caught Dave's small water pistol sitting on the garden table, ready for action. His ongoing war with the black and white cat from the house at the bottom of the garden continued unabated, the creature had apparently decided our flower bed would make an excellent "shitting station," as Dave so eloquently put it.

I'd just finished assembling my bacon sandwich when Dave appeared in the doorway, looking very fresh for a Saturday morning. He carried what appeared to be a tall glass filled with amber liquid and ice cubes, iced tea, by the look of it. I'd never actually seen anyone drink iced tea before and found myself oddly curious about it, though I was quite content with my coffee.

He sat down across from me, took a refreshing sip of his unusual beverage, and gazed out at the empty garden where the robin had been.

"You know," Dave said, setting down his glass with the satisfied air of someone who'd just solved a major political mystery, "I like to think when politicians die, they come back as pigeons. Explains why they're all stupid and crap everywhere."

I put down my coffee mug and looked at him.

"What the fuck, Dave."

Although, for once, I found myself wondering if Dave might actually have a point.