“Rowan”

He started awake, his dream still vivid in his mind. He was breathing heavily and had sweat dripping down his face. He couldn’t get the image of what happened out of his mind; the dream felt too real. It felt as though he was reliving his past all over again.

“Are you okay, Rowan?” Elliot sat next to him on his bed. “Bad dream?” 

Rowan shook his head no. His breathing slowed.

“It’s okay, bud.” Elliot reached his hand for Rowan’s head, but Rowan jerked back. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to... I brought a plate of food. It’s on the table. Come get me if you need anything. Love you, bud.” Elliot stood and walked out of the bedroom.

Stop saying that. You don’t love me. Not when I keep messing everything up, Rowan thought.

Once he left, Rowan hid his face in his arms and wept. He didn’t mean to jerk back; he didn’t want to hurt Elliot’s feelings, and he shouldn’t have let that thought cross his mind. He just kept pushing and pushing his adoptive parents away; he didn’t know what he could do anymore.

The next day, Rowan woke up early to go to school. It was 6:15 AM when he was ready to head out. He walked down the stairs quietly and tiptoed to the front door, grabbing his keys and backpack. 

“You're leaving so early?” Elliot’s voice came from behind.

Rowan jumped in surprise and turned around to see Elliot sitting on the couch, reading a book. He had thin rectangular glasses sitting at the lower part of his nose as he looked up at Rowan.

Rowan nodded and waved goodbye. As he was turning back around, Elliot called out to stop him.

“It’s so early, why don’t you sit down for a second. You’ve got some time, right?” Elliot patted the couch cushion next to him. “I have something for you.”

Rowan slowly set down his backpack and stuck his keys in his pocket, then walked over and plopped onto the couch. He leaned onto the backrest and, with a yawn, rubbed his eye with his fist.

“I bet you’re tired, huh? I never see you up this early.”

Rowan nodded as he scratched the back of his head.

“Look. I found this book at the library a few days ago. It mentions different types of bugs that live in our area. There’s a super rare one I know you’ve been looking for, and it’s been spotted recently, near us!” Rowan’s eyes lit up at the thought. He always looked for bugs; it became a sort of hobby to identify them. “That weird red one with the yellow spots on its legs? Have you seen it yet?” Elliot swiped to a page in the book.

Rowan frowned and shook his head. He grabbed his paper and pen and wrote:

I WILL FIND IT. 

I’ll FIND IT TODAY.