While Tibur went to take a shower, Michael put his phone on charge by the bed. One final look through his notes, the items he'd prepared tucked out of sight in the top drawer of the bedside table, and all that was left was to calm his racing heartbeat.

The man that stepped out into the bedroom wasn't covered from head to toe like usual. Tibur had dried his hair, dried his body... and then stopped as he was about to dress himself. Hadn't Michael walked around half-naked without a care in the world? Tibur tied a large, fluffy towel around his waist, took a deep breath, and found the courage to show himself.

Michael had never seen so much of Tibur before; his desire was awakened by the flushes of pink on his tanned skin. Despite his familiarity with the male physique, the flat expanse of Tibur's bare chest seemed almost indecent.

"Come closer" Michael told him.

Tibur willed his feet onwards, closer to the bed and the handsome man that beckoned him; his body was shaking as he approached. Michael smiled and took his hand, kissing it tenderly as he tried to soothe his nerves.

"I wasn't sure if I should get dressed or not..." Tibur admitted, "But maybe I should put some clothes on for now, it feels a little-"

 Michael's hands stroked his back.

"It's better like this" he said, "Just having you here like this... Thank you."

The warm hands comforted his rapidly cooling skin. He'd never been touched so intimately before, at twenty-three years of age, he finally felt like he was becoming an adult. Boldened by his sudden maturity, Tibur reached out and gently touched Michael's hair.

"Can I kiss you?" Michael asked him.

Tibur nodded, leaning down and offering his lips. The kiss was slow and delicate. Michael's arms wrapped around Tibur's body as he pulled him down onto the bed; minding the headboard as he carefully positioned his head on the pillow.

"Are you comfortable..?" he asked him, "Can I kiss your neck..?"

Tibur held out a hand to stop him.

"I'm comfortable" he said, "But can you just lay down next to me for a minute? I think if we talk I won't be so scared."

Michael obediently did as he was told, lying next to Tibur with an arm wrapped around his abdomen.

"If... if I don't like it, you have to stop" said Tibur, "You have to promise me."

Michael did.

"It may not be such a big deal to you... but-"

"It is a big deal" said Michael, "It's different with you. I don't know how else I can say it, I've never been this invested before. If it wasn't a big deal, it wouldn't play on my mind so much. I want you to like it... I want to make you happy."

Tibur's pleading eyes were searching for the truth in his words.

"Honestly" said Michael, "I know how important this is to you."

Michael's hand roamed across his skin.

"Can I remove your towel?" he asked, as his fingers tensed at the edge of the fabric.

Tibur nodded, "Okay..." he said.

Still dressed in his shorts and T-shirt, Michael removed the last impediment to Tibur's naked body. All the research he'd done, all those pictures he'd pored over, nothing prepared him for seeing the most intimate parts of the man he'd long-since fantasized over.

Tibur told himself there was nothing to be ashamed of. And yet when Michael didn't speak, he couldn't help but want to cover himself again. He reached for the towel when Michael suddenly bent down and kissed the freckle on his shaft. He couldn't help himself; it looked a hundred times more attractive than the ones he'd seen on the internet. The way that Tibur shuddered as he kissed it was unexpectedly alluring.

"I'm sorry" he said, "I should have asked..."

Tibur's blushing face on the pillow betrayed the shame of his reaction. He didn't hate it... he was starting to get excited.

Michael's lips moved north, kissing Tibur on the mouth and allowing his hand to tenderly explore his body.

"Shouldn't you take your clothes off too..?" Tibur asked hesitantly, conscious of his nakedness, but equally thankful for the temporary barrier to Michael's growing erection.

"All in due time" said Michael, exhalting in the vulnerable form beneath him.

Tibur tried to calm his breathing, but it was difficult with the constant attacks of Michael's tongue threatening to leave him breathless. The deft hands of the handsome foreigner were finding every senstive spot on Tibur's body, he was dangerously close to becoming completely at his mercy.

"Wait" said Tibur, "Is this... is this good for you? It's not too strange..? Doing this with me, I mean."

The only thing strange about it was how right it all felt. 

"It's good" Michael assured him with a smile, "Can I touch you... everywhere?"

Tibur couldn't resist much longer, the tender kisses peppering his face and the gentle caresses of his chest were oddly encouraging him to let Michael take even greater liberties.

"Gently..." he reminded.

Michael opened the top drawer of the bedside table, a bottle removed, and a liberal amount of its contents dispensed into his hand.

"Open your legs" Michael told him, the lewd words pouring stickily into Tibur's ears.

Open your legs...

His finger suitably slick with the substance, Michael distracted Tibur with kisses as he carefully applied the lubricant. Tiburs hands gripped at the sheets as he tried to will his body to relax. This was what he wanted, the decision he had made, and yet he couldn't shake his inevitable fear. Exposed and inexperienced, he was putting all his trust in Michael.

He always thought his first time would be with someone he loved, someone equally clueless in sex, but sensitive to his feelings. Although Michael had never been with a man before, he'd racked up enough notches that Tibur felt entirely outmatched. His transferable skillset was incredibly impressive; the way he held him, kissed him, every movement was flawless in its execution.

As the finger inside him began to move, Tibur realized he'd felt no discomfort this time; Michael had learned his lesson. The pandering kisses were quieting his nervous heart, and the care with which Michael was touching him showed the level of his restraint. Just as Tibur was sinking into the pillow, he was startled by the sound of Michael's phone ringing.

"Just relax your body" said Michael, slowly removing his finger, "I'm sorry, I meant to put it on silent..."

The screen was lit with the name of an unexpected caller.

"Hey man!" said Michael, answering the call and abruptly getting up from the bed, "Yeah, now's a good time; I wasn't really doing anything. Huh? Oh yeah, it's great... yeah, just some friends and a couple of girls."

Michael took the phone to the balcony, not even bothering to spare a glance at the naked man he left alone the bed.

"One look at your pool and of course they'd spread their legs..."

Tibur closed his thighs and reached for the towel, his hands were shaking as he covered himself. Michael had closed the sliding door, but his words were still ringing in Tibur's ears. In less than thirty seconds he was dressed, in less than a minute he was out of the house with his phone in hand and his bag half-packed.

What was he thinking? Why did he think it would be any different? He'd almost... he'd almost made the biggest mistake of his life. As he hurried down the road he could still hear Michael's voice on the phone, his laugh carried on the evening air. Open your legs... How could he have followed him so blindly? In his humiliation, Tibur couldn't bear to call Tristan. There was only one number that he could rely on.

"Millie..?" said Tibur, as she finally picked up the phone, "Can you call me back..?"

She'd never heard Tibur crying before, but his voice at the end of the line was breaking as he spoke. The cicadas sang for less than a second before Millie called back.

"Fuck, Tibur, is it your Grandma? Are you okay?" she asked.

The lies, the stupidity, it was all too much. The dam burst, and Tibur's face contorted in pain; tears staining his blushing cheeks as reality finally found him.

"I'm sorry" he said, "I'm so sorry..."

The words wouldn't come. His grief was robbing the sounds from his mouth.

"Where are you?" she asked, "Do you need me to come and get you?"

Tibur silently nodded.

"I'm in the north..." he confessed, "I'm sorry Millie, I'm sorry..."

He was starting to scare her; the Tibur she knew had so little to apologize for. Even when he did wrong, they'd butt heads until one of them said they were sorry. The man on the phone sounded broken.

"Be sorry when I find you, okay?" she said, "Do you know where you are? Is there someone with you?"

Tibur looked back in the direction of the house.

"I'm alone..." he said, "I'm sorry. I should never have come here without you..."

By the time that Tibur had walked the distance to the restaurant, Millie was already halfway across the island. He was worried that his battery would die, and so after promising his friend that he wouldn't do anything stupid, he turned his phone off until he arrived. As he turned it back on, he prepared himself for a flood of missed calls and messages, asking where he was.

There was nothing.

He refreshed his screen, checked his call log, opened every app... Michael hadn't said a word. Tibur crumbled by the side of the road, running to hide behind the building when he saw a group of people coming out. It's okay, he told himself, it's better to know now... at least you didn't sleep with him. 

The next time Tibur's phone rang, it was Millie.

"I can't see you inside" she said, "Did you go to the bathroom..?"

"Come out" he told her, "I'll meet you out front..."

The penitent man emerged from his hiding place, his face streaked with the traces of his tears.

"I'm sorry" he said again, "I'm sorry..."

Millie threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. 

"Did it cost a lot for the gas..?" he asked in a small voice.

"A shit-tonne" she said, "You'll be paying me back for weeks."

Tibur allowed himself to cry, unloading his grievances on her shoulder as she stroked his back. When he thought of Michael's caresses, he only cried louder. A little ways up the coast, they found a quiet space to talk. He didn't know where to begin.

"You're not here to see your Grandma, are you?" she said. There's no way he would have apologized so much if that were the case.

"I came with Tristan to see the temples..." he admitted.

The thought had crossed her mind as she rode her bike to find him, but she'd hoped she was mistaken.

"Then why did you lie..?"

The hurt in her eyes stabbed him right through the heart.

"I didn't want you to know... I'm sorry... I wanted to hide it from you."

"You didn't want me to come with you guys? Why?! What did I do that made you exclude me? I thought we were friends, Tibur, aren't we?! Why didn't you want me to come?" The tears were welling in Millie's eyes. "You won't tell me what's wrong, I try and give you space. I don't know what you want from me. I've been trying to convince myself that it's all in my head, that you don't hate me; that there's something going on that you're not ready to tell me... But the longer I wait, Tibur... the more it hurts!"

"I'm sorry..."

"And even then... one phone call and I come running. You mean that much to me, and yet, what exactly do I mean to you..? For fuck sake, Tibur, you're my best friend. Maybe to you I'm just some person you work with, but you mean so much more to me than that!"

Tibur knew he couldn't hide it any longer.

"My parents are gone... my Grandma doesn't remember me... you're the closest thing to family I have" he told her, "I thought about telling you... a hundred times I thought about it... but I was scared. I know you're only half-joking when you tell me to get a girlfriend, but there's a part of me that worries how you'd look at me if I told you the truth... If I told you that I don't like girls." 

Millie frowned at him.

"I've been kind of seeing someone... a guy... it's his friend's place we were staying at. If you came with us you would have known... I didn't know how you'd react... I was embarrassed."

Tibur stumbled back as Millie shoved him.

"Was that all it was?!" she asked, "Why the hell would I care who you date? Do I think any less of Tristan because he's married to a man..?! Did you honestly think I was the shitty kind of person who'd hold it against you?"

"They say it can be different with people you're close to..." he reasoned, "And you always say I should get a girlfriend. I didn't know if things would change between us."

"Hey idiot" she said, "Things have already changed. You avoiding me has changed things. The most your coming out would do is alter the pronouns I use when I tease you. The fact you kept kittens and temples from me just to hide your boyfriend is inexcusable. How are you going to make it up to me?"

Tibur burst into tears.

"I won't let you off just because you cry" she told him, "You still owe me for the gas, too!"

"It's not just that..." said Tibur, "And he's not my boyfriend... Millie... I nearly did the stupidest thing in my life. And it hurts so much... it hurts so much because I didn't do it, and I don't think I ever will..."

Millie squeezed Tibur's hand.

"Tiger" she said, "Tell me who I need to beat up..."