Padgen heads to the change room, flustered and exasperated after only a few minutes with Sujay. He calls Moji, but there's no answer. He tries two more times, until finally, Moji picks up.

Moji
(Groggy, annoyed.) What do you want? I'm in bed.

Padgen
So?

Moji
With your mom.

Padgen
Oh, jeez. I'm sorry. I just-

Moji
Need a ride?

Padgen
Yes, please. Some new guy showed up at the dojo, and I'm tired, so-

Moji
(Lightening up.) Screw it, we'll do some magic or whatever.

Padgen
No, we don't have to-

Moji
Yeah, your mom can watch, we'll do some fortune telling.

Padgen
That's not necessary-

And So...

Padgen sits at the coffee table in Moji and Anjali's apartment. His mother, sits on a nearby chair in a tank top and jogging pants, drinking coffee. Moji sits across from Padgen, in a sports bra and jeans, drinking a mug of coffee. Anjali has some darjeeling tea. Padgen is still in her training gi.

Moji
How's the dorms?

Padgen
They're alright. I get to pick what I eat.

Anjali
That's good. How are you doing in your studies?

Padgen
I'm alright! It's good. All is well, so they say.

Moji
That's good...

Padgen
(Hesitant.) Sorry if I'm intruding on you two...?

Anjali
Not at all! It's good we get some bonding time, since we missed out on that when you were younger. We were just bonding ourselves, because...

Moji
We only recently got back together.

Padgen
...right. Yeah, I gotta say, you were not who I pictured when I imagined who my parents would be.

Anjali
(Supportive.) Who were you imagining?

Padgen
Uh... a buff dude and a chubby woman, I guess! Hah. I dunno why.

Moji lifts her arm to flex her muscles.

Moji
(Flaunting.) I'm buff! I'm still strong, I kept up during my transition.

Padge
(Blushing.) Yeah! No, for sure.

Anjali
(Noticing.) Your other problem being that we're not much older than you?

Padgen
(Feeling pierced.) Wow, you... really cut right through me, just now. Yeah. Yeah, you look like you could be my older siblings, almost.

Moji
(Grinning.) Aahh, we're still young, yet.

Anjali
(Moving on.) So, you still like that girl, right? Brilly?

Padgen
Uhh...

Anjali
As long as you're not getting anyone pregnant.

Padgen
I... uh???

Anjali
I'm kidding! But seriously. You think she's cute, right?

Padgen
(Flustered.) N-no? I mean yeah, obviously-

Moji
What? Screw you! I've seen her, she's adorable! You're lucky I'm taken, I'd scoop her up in a second flat.

Padgen
(Suddenly angry.) Uhh... I mean, yeah, she's pretty. Do you have to say stuff like that?

Moji
You'd better make a move, or I just might.

Anjali
(Laughing.) Staaaahwp.

Moji
You can have 'er back when I'm done.

Padgen
(Sullen.) Maybe you're more of a dad than I thought... just not a good one.

Moji
(Taken aback.) I....

It gets awkwardly quiet.

Moji
(Feeling wounded.) I know we weren't there, but... ouch, man!

Padgen
(Unwilling to respond.) ...

Moji
Seriously? You can't just cut into people like that.

Padgen
(Muted.) Is that what people find 'cutting'? Because I heard it all the time, growing up.

Moji
Yeah, well...

Moji looks around, unable to handle the silence.

Moji
(To Anjali.) He gets that from you!!

Anjali takes a big, long sip of her tea.

Anjali
(Smiling.) Maybe you do. But you should apologize to your father.

Moji
Femfather.

Anjali
...femfather.

Padgen
(Sighing.) Alright, I'm sorry. Just... please don't talk about Brilly like that. I really do like her.

Moji
You have to get used to the idea that not everyone dates for love, Padge. In the last ten years, I've only dated highschoolers, aside from your mom. And it was pretty much just for a good blow.

Anjali
Damn, you are creepy.

Moji
(Laughing.) Okay, I'll cop to that. But about Brilly-

Padgen
Okay, yes. I like her. So what?

Moji
Do you want to know if she likes you back?

Padgen
Yeah, obviously. But I can just ask-

Moji
(Announcing.) FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY MAGIC CARDS!

Anjali
Isn't that our strip-poker deck?

Moji
Yes.

Anjali
(Sipping her coffee.) (Sigh.)

Padgen
(Covering her face.) Oh my god.

Anjali
Look, girls don't like being asked how they feel directly. They SAY they do, but when someone actually does? It's needy. What they WANT is communication, not a confession.

Moji
Especially if the person crushing on them sounds all heavy, or even hostile.

Padgen
Heavy? Hostile?

Moji
Yeah, like... heavy is when they can't breathe, and they're acting like they're gonna propose while the building is on fire. Like a bad movie.

Anjali
Hostile is when they make it seem like you'd 'better like them back, OR ELSE'. There's assertive, and then there's aggressive.

Moji
Some girls like aggressive!

Anjali
Those bitches are CRAZY. You don't want them, because you're not aggressive.

Padgen
But if I was aggressive...

Anjali
Then those would be your bitches.

Moji
You gotta be smooth, and light, but not like... non-committal. It's a talent, but you can learn it.

Anjali
"Let's see where the week goes."

Moji
Or the day, even.

Anjali
Only the nutty ones are looking to marry on the first date.

Moji
My parents were like that. They were trying to raise me as like, a cavalry wife. Ready to take a ring or a bullet at any moment. I ended up taking both, and that was probably the worst four years of my life!

Anjali
They did give you that sexy Romani accent, though.

Moji
Thanks, love.

The two share a little nose-rub together.

Padgen
I've never heard-

Moji
SO! I'm gonna deal these cards, and then we'll interpret them. The higher the number, the better your fortune. You do NOT want an ace, cause it means you'd better have one up your sleeve to solve whatever crisis is coming your way. I'm also shuffling in the Joker cards, which are sort of like a zero. It means anything can happen!

Padgen
What about the different card suits?

Moji
Diamonds is air or fire, hearts is water, clubs is wood or earth, and spades is metal. Red is fluids, black is solids, and that goes for the Jokers, too. Each element corresponds to an area of your life, like your goals, relationships, environment, and finances, respectively.

Padgen
Okay.

Moji
My question is: "Does smoking make you gay?"

Moji finishes shuffling, and deals one card. It's a six of clubs, upright.

Moji
It's only a six, so it could mean that smoking makes you kind of gay. And it's clubs, so it has something to do with the tobacco plant itself.

Anjali
What do they call cigarettes in England?

Moji
Cover your ears, kid.

Padgen does so, as Moji lets loose a taboo verbal barrage. Anjali bursts into a laughing fit, and Moji joins in shortly. Padgen rolls her eyes. Moji taps Padgen on the forehead, and hands her the deck.

Moji
Your turn.

Padgen
Does Brilly like me as more than a friend?

Padgen deals the card face-down, and closes her eyes as she flips it. Then, she opens them.

Padgen
It's... an Ace of Diamonds.

Anjali
Ouch.

Moji
That means unless you do something drastically different, you're as far away from her as you can get. Not only that, but it has to be really small.

Padgen
Small?

Moji
Your actions have to be proportionate to your position within the situation. It's like... you can't walk into a king's palace and start barking orders, but a king can't go to a farm and start shoveling, either. Right?

Padgen
Okay, so I'm... small.

Moji
You're very small, as far as she's concerned. She likes you a little bit, but she thinks you're only a tiny part of her life. If you want to turn this little spark into a fire, you have to do something inspired.

Padgen
What if I got the King card?

Moji
Then you'd have to ask her out like a King, which means taking into consideration her feelings, her family, her future-

Padgen
Okay, so I'm a nobody. I get it. I have no chance.

Moji
The only way you'd have no chance is if you never drew a card at all. Life is the same way. What's small can be made big!

Anjali
When I'm done with it.

Moji
I'm a grower, not a shower.

Padgen
(Sweating.) I'm starting to be thankful I live in the dorms.

Moji
(Pointing at Padgen.) You can do this, if you really try. But... be careful you don't get bigger than you can handle.

Padgen
What, like don't pop a boner on the first date?

Moji
Status, kid! I'm talking about status!

Padgen
I don't believe in that stuff.

Moji
Agh... whatever. I'm getting tired, let's call it a night.

Padgen
Should I catch a bus home?

Anjali
No, you can stay for the night! We'll let you have the couch.

Moji
Are you sure? We're probably gonna be loud.

Anjali
(Hushing her.) Or... we could be quiet for a night, and spend some time as a family. In separate rooms, but together. It would help us learn each other's boundaries.

Padge
(Sigh.) Alright, you got a spare blanket?

Anjali
(Getting up.) I'll get it.

Padge
You sure you guys don't mind?

Moji
(Unsure.) Umm... I don't know that Lodubai is all that safe, at night. At least not these days. Someone might spring a knife on you. So... yeah. This might be for the best.

Padge
Thank you, I appreciate it. It's nice to get to know you two, by the way.

Moji
Hey, put 'er there, kid!

Moji stands up to give Padge a hug, and keeps him there for a while. Moji is a good six feet tall, and Padge is only five. They stay like that for a full fifteen seconds, as Padge struggles weakly.

Padge
(Gasping for air.) Hey femdad?

Moji
Yeah, kid?

Padge
Your boobs are suffocating me.