On the car ride home, Rowan stared out the window with his chin on his palm. He was upset that he couldn’t work up the courage to take a photo with Elliot. 

    “That was fun, don’t you think?” Elliot asked as they entered onto the freeway, breaking the silence. “We found two rare bugs! Not the one you’ve been looking for, but still amazing, huh?”

    Rowan nodded with a small smile. He was so happy about that, but the fact that he couldn’t take a photo with him felt like a defeat. He couldn’t get over that feeling, even with many things to be excited about. 

    “You even won me on the race back to the car! I owe you a wish. Just let me know what you want when you think of something.” There was a small pause. “Next time, the loser gets a punishment decided by the winner!” Elliot laughed.

    Rowan let a tiny laugh slip through his nose, but his fingers still traced against his new camera in his pocket. The next chance he got, yes. He promised himself that next time, he would definitely take the photo.

    “How was the search? Find anything good?” Claire questioned as they walked through the front door.

    “Yeah, there were quite a few unique bugs we spotted!” Elliot exclaimed, patting Rowan on the back.

    With a grin, Rowan nodded, reaching for his phone to show Claire some photos he had. As he grabbed his phone out of his pocket, his camera fell out too.

    “Oh, that’s a nice camera!” Elliot reached down to pick it up, twisting it around to look at it. “Is this new? I’ve never seen you use this before.”

    Rowan’s cheeks burned as he saw Elliot with the camera. He felt so embarrassed. 

    What if Elliot was offended that he hadn’t used that camera to take pictures with them two? What if he asked him to take a photo now? He wasn’t ready for that and certainly didn’t know how to react. 

    Rowan snatched the camera out of Elliot’s hands and stuffed it in his pocket. He waved his hand at Elliot like it was no big deal, then hurriedly walked away. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before chugging it down. He was beginning to sweat. 

    Why does it matter that they found my camera? he told himself. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Though it made him so nervous now that they saw the camera. He would now feel more pressure to take it out next time. He would feel more self-conscious before using it. Maybe he shouldn’t use it at all. Ever. It was too scary to think about. He’d leave it alone and not think about it again.

    The problem was, it was the only thing he could think about. That night, he couldn’t fall asleep; he was just thinking about the camera. He talked it through with himself: 

    Maybe I'll throw it away, and the worry along with it. Or maybe I should just stick it in my closet until I find it years later, maybe I’d have the confidence to use it then. His mind raced through ideas, but he grew more anxious thinking about it. He stood up from his bed and picked up his camera from the bedside table. He walked over to his backpack hanging by the bedroom door. He wanted to stick it in there for now. He took his backpack around with him almost every day. It would keep the camera hidden, but he also might forget about it. He took a deep breath as he made up his mind. He unzipped the backpack's front pocket and shoved it inside.