10. Afraid to Move Forward

I cowered in the corner as my grandmother yelled for me, flinching every time I heard her slam her cane into the floor.

“Kira! Get out here, you ungrateful brat!”

I held myself as still as I could, carefully breathing as slowly as possible behind the curtain. I had practiced this, had hidden here when no one was looking for me. I was so small from being underfed that I easily fit behind the curtain, almost to the point that it barely looked like I was there. As long as I didn’t let my fear make me move, as long as I didn’t react, I could—

“Mama, what are you doing?”

A slight relief filled my chest as I heard my mother’s voice, and my grandmother paused in her search for me. It wasn’t often I was happy to know my mother was home, but hopefully she could distract the old woman long enough for me to flee.

“You’ll wake up Iris if you don’t calm down.”

“Trying to find that burden, look at this!”

I couldn’t see what she was trying to show my mother, but I was almost certain it was the glass statue I’d seen my brother break. It was seeing Trent break the statue that had given me enough time to hide, and my heart pounded as I heard my grandmother’s cane hit the floor again.

“How dare she break such a precious heirloom!”

“Well, can you punish her more quietly? I just got Iris down, and I don’t need her to wake from her nap early.”

My mother sighed, and I could feel the tears starting in my eyes. Why was she just giving her permission to abuse me? She didn’t ask for proof, didn’t even consider the idea that maybe I hadn’t done it!

“And don’t leave any marks. I’m tired of making up lies.”

“I will do what I have to,” my grandmother growled, and I continued to hold my breath as I heard them both leave the room.

I waited until I heard no footsteps outside the room, knowing that my grandmother was merely going to check my other hiding spaces. I quickly slid out from behind the curtain, quietly opening the window as I slipped outside into the backyard. The magic wouldn’t let me go more than a few feet from the house without permission, and I quietly closed the window as I worked my way to the dark side of the house.

“I hate this,” I whispered as I sat in the dirt, finally letting the tears fall from my face. I would likely be stuck outside until school, forced to sleep outside. If I snuck back into the house, my beating would only be worse, and it was better just to wait until I got home from school, since my mother would feign worry about me. She would cry and pretend she thought I had run away and punish me herself as soon as we got home.

Her abuse was better than my grandmother’s, and I started to sob in the garden.

I woke up with tears streaming down my face, sitting up from the borrowed bed. I moved the damp hair from my forehead, unable to help the heavy feeling in my chest. I hated those days, when I had to choose who my abuser would be. I learned quickly that my mother was the better option, and I lifted the sleeves of the shirt, looking at all the scars and marks on my arms.

“Who in the world would want this?” I muttered to myself, thinking of the man I had seen in the garden. All it would take was one look at my skin, one look at the scars that had been forced on me over the years, and there was no doubt he would refuse me.

I sighed as I pushed the fabric back down, leaning on my knees as I stared at the curtained window.

“He would accept us,” my wolf insisted, and I scoffed, not wanting to hear his voice. He whined in my mind, and I could feel his desire for me to seek him out, to follow the faint feeling in my chest that was telling me where he was.

“He is our mate.”

“Yeah, well, where is he? Why didn’t he come to me?” I spat back, and he paced in my chest.

“He may not be a wolf. You know that.”

I sighed again at his words, closing my eyes as I turned away from the window.

“All the more reason to avoid him. If he was a wolf, he would have felt it too and he wouldn’t have a choice but to accept me,” I frowned as the words left my mouth, hating the way it sounded. I didn’t want that kind of connection forced on me, where he had to love me and care about me. If it had been someone like Damien, someone who knew me, maybe I would have felt differently about it, but to be forced to love a stranger, despite how I actually felt?

“And if he was, it wouldn’t be fair to do that.”

“The Goddess chose—”

“Good for her.” I spat back, unable to help my annoyance with his insistence. He whined at my anger, and I immediately regretted my words.

I sighed heavily, opening my eyes to stare at the bedsheets. It still felt surreal that I was away from my awful life, and I gently ran my hand over the dark fabric.

“I’m… sorry. It’s been a stressful day, and you just woke up. Everything has happened really fast, and I don’t know how I feel about meeting our mate here. We don’t even know if ‘here’ is safe, or if the prince will try to force us back.”

“Just… give me time, okay? It’s been a wild day.”

I did my best to speak to him softly, but all he did was whine in my mind. I knew he was still upset by my resistance, but we barely knew each other. He had only been freed hours ago, and while I always knew he was inside of me, I had never been able to talk to him before, or have his thoughts influence mine.

Finding our mate among vampires only made things between us more complicated, and I didn’t want to cause a rift between me and my wolf. If we drifted too far apart, I would never be able to shift.

“I’ll… consider it, but don’t try to force me. Please.”

‘I will never force you,’ he finally answered, and I waited a moment to see if he would say more. He remained silent, however, and I released a heavy breath as I collapsed back onto the bed.

I had no idea what time it was, but the sun seemed to be high in the sky beyond the curtain. I rolled over to my side, pulling the sheet back over my body.

The best I could do for now was try to get more sleep.