It’s difficult to eat when everyone is staring at you, and it’s worse when you know your fate depends on it. Or when politics is counting on you successfully chewing and swallowing whatever you’re served.

My first meal in space was like one of those comedies where all the characters are painfully embarrassed by their situation and you, the audience, are supposed to laugh at their misery.

I never liked those movies.

The food they gave me was ok; I could eat it and it didn’t taste too bad. It was just … different. By that point, I was already tired of so many different things, so I didn’t enjoy the food as much as I could have. I definitely didn’t express proper appreciation for it. The fact that it was (as I found out much, much later) basically military rations arranged nicely on a plate also didn’t help anything.

Kial didn’t eat with me (which made me feel even more embarrassed), but he did have a mug of something to drink. The other three stood around the room and watched me. And Kial. And each other, I guess. They must have been so bored.

Lyraan brought the tray of food in from somewhere, and Draxar served it to me. I was hungry enough to eat despite the strangeness, and that was probably the only good thing about the whole experience.

The meal was silent except for me clanking the fork against the plate. Kial waited until I was done to start telling me all about what was going to happen to me. At least, as much as he knew at that point. 

After Draxar cleared the plate and gave me another mug of whatever warm drink I’d had before, Kial straightened up in his chair.

“Miss Patty, as you’ve already realized, this entire situation is nothing like any of us wanted.”

I couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped my mouth like a dry cough. “Yeah, you can say that again.”

He looked puzzled for a moment. “Ah; a small joke. A … sarcasm?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so? Sarcastic, but we don’t say ‘a sarcasm’.”

“I see,” Kial replied calmly. “Yes, none of us expected the need to bring along an extra person on this expedition.”

I sipped my drink and wondered how long he’d studied English. “You could have just left me there, you know?”

“I’m afraid we couldn’t take the risk, Patty. Our window of operation was very small, you see. Even with such a –” he paused and seemed to rethink his choice of words. “Even though your planet doesn’t have the technology that we do, your defenses are not … insignificant. We could have been interrupted or diverted at any part of the operation, and we could not take that risk.”

Kial looked at me with so much earnestness that I shrank back in my seat a little bit. “But I wouldn’t have done anything.”

He shook his head. “Perhaps you would not have. Perhaps it would have been wiser for us to have left you locked in the room at the airport. We can spend a lifetime discussing the possibilities, but the choice was made. You are here now, and so we must go forward.”

I felt very silly because I could only think about simple things, like the paper due next week and the upcoming tests and the pothos plant I’d managed to keep alive since elementary school. “When can I go back? I have school, and my family will miss me.”

Kial’s expression became a little sad as he replied, “I’m sorry, Patty. We can’t take you back right now, and I don’t know when, or if, we will ever be able to do that.”

If you’ve ever been in an earthquake or one of those amusement park rides where you get dropped into freefall, then you understand what I mean when I say that the floor dropped out from under me. I felt like I was floating in space, with no gravity or anything to hold on to. I probably stopped breathing for a moment or two.

Kial continued talking and staring at me. “Your planet is remote. Your own astro-scientists have noted no signs of life anywhere near your system because there are none. Without considerable technological advances, your world will never discover the realms and peoples in the wider universe. I say this to help you understand that this mission, our journey to recover our lost prince, is very difficult and expensive. Making a second voyage is not something easily done.”

I was still floating, gasping for breath and thoughts. Metaphorically gasping. In that room, I probably looked like a statue that drooled. Or a fish.

He waited a moment to let me reply, which I wasn’t capable of doing. Draxar quietly refilled Kial’s mug. After a sip, Kial continued.

“Now the question is: what shall we do with you? No one has a good answer. You aren’t a prisoner, and yet we must keep you secluded. For your own safety, of course. There are many ways for anyone to accidentally cause damage to a ship, and we don’t want to put you at risk for that.”

No, of course they wouldn’t want a primitive idiot like me wandering around their advanced, space-flying ship, bumping into everything and accidentally blowing up the engine or something like that. Of course not.

“We furnished the prince’s quarters well for him, of course, but there are only modest accommodations for the rest of the crew. This means we have little to offer a guest.”

Despite my shock, I could tell that Kial looked a little upset by that. A kidnapper with a conscience. Who could have guessed?

Kial set his mug on the side table by his chair. “I apologize to bring you such bad news, Patty, and I wish I could tell you something positive. However, there is so much that no one knows yet. We don’t know how the Confederacy will respond to the prince’s arrival. We don’t know what the Emperor will do. There are so many actions that we must wait on before we can develop an idea of what to do for you.”

“Do ‘for’ me?” I replied. My voice sounded squeaky. “Don’t you mean, ‘Do to me’? I’m … I’m going to be one person – one person among billions, all them aliens – strangers – I …”

I’ve never been a quick thinker when taken off guard, and that was probably the worst off-guard I’ve ever been, you know? I bet a rugby player getting blindsided would have been more calm and collected than I was.

I stared at the drink in my mug, trying to think about anything other than never seeing my family again. Would anyone remember to feed the cat who came to the back door every morning? What would happen to my grades? How would I be able to go to university or get a job?

I could hear Kial and the others talking, but it sounded distant, like a radio in another room. I was alone, in space, going so far away from my home, my planet, that I would probably never see it again.

Did I still need to finish writing that paper?