Mika wandered around the city streets for a couple of hours. He couldn’t remember how he got home, almost like he was on some sort of “autopilot mode”. He truly wished he could become a robot or machine that could be easily unplugged. “Turn the power off” or go into “airplane mode” was the only thing he truly wanted now to happen.

As soon as he got into his apartment and closed the door, he put his hands on his knees and lowered his head. All the food he had eaten today was dangerously coming back up. He felt nauseous imagining Chris sleeping with that redhead guy and all the things they could have possibly done in bed.

How could he have done this to him? Why? He stayed still, breathing in and out, trying to keep his stomach under control. 

After a few moments, which seemed like an eternity, the nausea subsided a bit. Mika straightened up and threw his jacket on the floor. Without taking off the rest of his clothes, he headed directly to his bedroom. His steps felt heavy, burdened by the weight of the betrayal he had witnessed.

After entering the room and closing the door behind him, he collapsed onto the bed and closed his eyes. The pillow quickly became wet, absorbing all the tears streaming from his eyes.

Mika thought that maybe after going through a few breakups in his life, adding another one wouldn’t make any difference, but seeing how the person he loved had kissed another man, he just couldn’t stop his body from shaking with sobs.

Mika pulled the duvet over himself, wanting to hide from the entire world and stay in his room forever. At this very moment, he felt utterly helpless. He curled up, imagining he was a little boy again, being hugged by his mom. He could almost feel her gentle hand stroking his hair and hear her soft voice whispering comforting words into his ear. Her warm embrace was so soothing that he began to calm down if only a little.

The room was silent except for his muffled sobs. The pain and heartbreak pressed down on him, making it hard to breathe. Like a broken record, he replayed the moment he discovered the truth over and over in his mind, each time feeling a fresh wave of pain.

What did I do wrong? he asked himself while trying to stop the tears.

In the past few months, he visualized various scenarios, but even in his craziest dreams, he had never imagined that something like this could have ever happened to him. 

He pictured himself passing the interviews, receiving an offer, and celebrating that special day with Chris. Maybe go to a nice restaurant and then have a romantic time at home. Or they would book a hotel room just to stay there the entire night and have sex. A lot of sex. He knew perfectly well how to make Chris lose his mind.

God damn it! How pathetic it was of me to think this way!

After that, they would start discussing in more detail their plans for moving abroad. They initially agreed that they would be moving together, and Chris would take some time off from his current work, just so they could settle down slowly in a new city. 

They would look for a place where they could finally start living together. Next, they would do some shopping to buy the necessary furniture and other things that would help them feel cozier.

Living together meant they would not only see each other every day after work but also sleep in the same bed. Mika was always blushing whenever he thought about falling asleep while cuddling with Chris. That was something he always wanted to do, but it had never happened - even if they had a steamy night, in the end, each of them would go back to their apartment.

Just a few hours ago Mika couldn’t wait for all of this to happen.

But that was all in the past.

The reality was much harsher. 

Mika managed to get his dream job, but he was left alone.

Were there any signs of him dating the other person? Was I so blinded by the love that I failed to notice them? Did I do anything to make him not want to stay by my side?

Mika covered his face with both hands. He wasn’t in a state right now where he could calm himself and answer any of those questions. He couldn’t think rationally about that one year he had spent dating Chris. Until recently, he was sure they were destined for each other, but now it was all over.

"To put Mika in his place. He is always so proud of his entire career change and full of enthusiasm." Mika recalled Chris’s words while sticking his head out from under the covers. It became too hot to stay underneath, taking into consideration that he was still in his clothes, and he needed to catch his breath. "But that’s his limit, he won’t be able to reach the top. He’s too naive thinking he will get hired."

The sadness went away now, making a place for a new emotion: anger.

“How can someone be such a piece of shit!” Mika cursed while lifting the upper part of his body and moving closer to the edge of his bed.

He couldn’t understand what had pushed Chris to behave like this, but the real problem was that Mika believed it was all his fault. Whenever they argued, he was always the first one to reach out to Chris and clarify all the misunderstandings. He believed it was the right thing to do, and the sooner it was done, the better. 

But there was another reason why he was acting fast: he was feeling guilty and couldn’t sleep well until they made up. He knew that if that state continued for a few days, he would start to have headaches.

“First, you’re too naive. Second, you shouldn’t be the one taking all the blame.” This is what his best friends from the time he was part of a dancing group, Lisa, Mark, and Lou, always repeated to him. They warned him many times that one day he’d find himself in a very uncomfortable situation because of his attitude.

That was the only moment when Mika didn’t care and never listened to them. Not because he didn’t value his friends’ opinions, but because he strongly believed that once a person is in love and stays in a relationship, they should try their best to make their partner’s life better.

"Looks like once again I was the only one thinking that way. ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me…?’ " he mumbled, understanding how miserable he was now.

Mika stayed up all night thinking about what he should do next. There was a brief moment when he pondered whether it might be best not to accept an offer from his dream company. He was ready to give up on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to stay here, in Germany, and try to solve this huge mess.

After considering all the pros and cons, he realized that even for him there's a limit to behaving like a fool. Even if they meet and talk, then what would Mika plan on doing next? Go back to Chris and beg him to be together? Live for the rest of his life in anxiety, worrying that the situation might repeat itself? That wasn’t an option either.

When he made his final choice, he got up from the bed and went to the entrance where he had left his phone. Once he had found it, he walked to the living room where his home office was located.

He waited for his laptop to be ready to use, opened his email inbox, and started to read carefully through the contract that Anna had sent him. His eyes went wide with shock when he saw the salary as well as all of the benefits he would be receiving. After quick calculations, he came to one conclusion: the base salary* alone was way more than what he was earning now.

What do I even do with such amount of money? He checked the number of zeros several times to make sure he didn't make any mistakes.

Then, he remembered a famous quote: “It's better to cry in Rolls-Royce than to be happy on a bicycle.”

It’s not that money wasn’t important to Mika. With the upcoming move to another country and parents who weren’t getting younger, he decided to just accept it and be grateful for it.

Two days later, he had a call with Anna during which they went through the contract. She explained all the remaining details to him and answered all his questions. After that, he received another email from her, this time containing a questionnaire he had to fill out for relocation purposes.

When he reached the question, “Are you relocating alone or with your family members/partner”, he put an X next to “Alone” without a second thought.


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