Palmer House, Two Days Ago

You're Lester Palmer, aren't you?

Lester
What's it to you, loser?

Just making sure I have the right one. Shall we get started?

Lester
Started with what?

Your day, of course. School's out, thank Satan. Or Saturn, you're not sure. You've been reading a lot of conspiracy theories online. You prayed to your dark lord and/or planet last night that you could stay home for the first Snow Day, because you forgot to finish your essay. Not that you're going to do that, obviously. You've invited your best friend Hurley over for the day. Tomorrow and the day after will be Snow Days too, but you don't know that yet. That ignorance is your bliss, which makes you young. So, so young.

Hurley cracks open a can of Spritz. The two of you go way back, since grade three. You were there when he broke his arm on the soccer field, and when he accidentally snarfed (sneeze-farted) during his spoken presentation in grade four. Then, when he snarted (sneeze-sharted) in grade five, doing exactly the same thing. He was there when you pissed your pants in the fourth grade, during gym class, and he helped you escape by creating a distraction. What it was, to this day, you still don't know. And he was there when you snuked (sneeze-puked) on your way back from the bathroom, after you'd just spent a half hour holding your pants under the air dryer.

The doorbell rings. You let Hurley in. He looks chubby as usual, but a little better this year; his limbs are stronger and longer, making him taller. His gelled-back, dark brown curls slick back down his neck like a Style Magazine, and his white t-shirt is especially tight today. You still your beating heart, play it cool. He's always given great hugs, and you wonder if he gives great kisses, too. But chill, dude. Don't be gay. Remember what Keem taught you.

Hurley joins you in your room, and your stomach flutters as you sit next to him on your bed. You start the GayBox- you mean, GameBox, and Macaronio jumps onto the screen, happy as ever. You take a moment to mourn the days when Anochi used cartridges instead of flimsy, tiny disks, then get right back to staring at Hurley's wide neck and hefty shoulders. You look away, before he can meet your gaze.

Hurley picks Macaronio, and you pick Linguinio. Is it weird to remember, suddenly, that Germany, Italy, and Japan were allies in World War Two? No way, history is fascinating. Really fascinating stuff.

As you're jumping around on skateboard power-ups, Keem enters the room unannounced.

Keem
Sup dweebs, go back to the character select. I'm playing Macaronio.

Hurley
No way, man. I'm always Macaronio at home. And I'm ACTUALLY Italian, so I get dibs.

Lester
Keem, GET OUT! Nobody invited you!

Keem
To play a four-player co-op game? Arcade's Honor, bro. Never disrespect the coin in the slot.

Lester
Alright, pay up. Besides, we've only got two controllers.

Keem
(Holding up a controller, wrapped in its cord) I brought my own.

Keem plugs his controller in, and you're furious. Hurley and Keem have already spoken more than you and him, and Hurley's dumb, brown eyes are fixed on Keem's dumb, wide jaw. Anyone big and manly, Hurley immediately and unquestioningly respects them. But not you, with your spindly arms and soft face. No, you had to earn it.

Lester
(Teasing.) Why don't you play Lemooona? Since you loooove her so much.

Keem
(Unphased.) Maybe I will.

Hurley
I beat the game with her last week, and with PeachRose too. Still haven't seen her topless, though.

Lester
You too?!

Hurley
Yeah, man. Everyone's tryna do it. Anochi is cracking down on WeSee videos that claim they've done it, having them removed. They're saying it's all faked by ReGURJ. It's a big thing.

Keem
That's what she said!

Hurley
Nice.

Hurley and Keem high-five, and you've officially lost it. But you've got to be sneaky... you grab Keem's phone from beside him, and text your mom...
'Hey bb, I'm hot 4 u'.
And, SWOOP! There it goes. You know the big lug likes her, cause he keeps staring at her, and his brain is too rotten from nasty videos and pictures to remember what a family is. Even though he claims to be... what was it? A 'giant of discipline?' Something like that. You, on the other hand, have standards.

Blessa
(Angry.) Keem, GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!

Keem
(Shocked.) WHAAAT?! WHAT DID I DO?!

While Keem leaves to get an angry lecture from your loving mother, a woman too old and too mature for him, you unplug Keem's controller. Lemona pops out of existence, leaving Macaronio and Linguinio. You look at Hurley, and he looks at you. Direct eye-contact! That's the 'go' signal, if Keem taught you anything. You lean in and press your lips to Hurley's, with your eyes closed. Then you get punched in the face, hard.

Hurley
(Shocked.) What the hell, dude?! Are you gay?!

Lester
(Frozen.) I...

Hurley
(Uncompromising.) I... I'm out of here. Don't call me, gaylord. We're not friends anymore.

Lester
(Distraught.) Wait...

Hurley leaves, without saying goodbye to anyone. Unless you count "don't call me, gaylord" as goodbye, in which case he did talk to you, which was considerate. Dark freaking Lord, you've gotta stop giving him so much credit. He was an asshole to you just now, and your feelings are stung.
You slam your controller into the carpeted floor, and it bounces. 'Frigging macho greasers, impossible to get anything out of', you tell yourself. 'If only they weren't all pretending to be straight.' It reminds you of the crush you had on Jodd, who, you could swear sometimes was looking at you. Just you. He was barely a year older than you, it would have been fine. Sometimes you think if he hadn't died... something could have happened. That's when you remember why you're really so angry, all the time. Because whoever shot your first crush is still out there, running loose. And all your big brother cares about is bullying people just like you, at school. Because he thinks he's protecting you, from yourself, in other people.

Lester
Shut up, you stupid... whoever you are!

Why? I don't have to. I'm free to speak as I please. Don't you know your constitutional liberties?

Lester
You can't talk about me like that, or my brother! When my mom finds out what you're doing... when she finds out where I am!

Constitutional liberty revoked. Please cease to be so annoying, or I'll revoke your constitutional liberty to breathe, at my own constitutional liberty.

Lester
That's not how liberties work, douchebag. Or the constitution.

It is when I'm the only person here, and there's nobody here to stop me from stopping you. It's all very simple, if you use your brain... at exactly the times when I allow you to do so. Back to our session: you find your step-dad in the kitchen, an hour after fuming in your room. Ermias is reading the newspaper, pretending to be smart as usual. You imagine that he hopes Blessa might change her mind about the divorce if she sees him doing smart things. Unfortunately, you already know from listening that she's looking for someone hot, capable, and dangerous. The only reason they married in the first place, three years ago, was because he took a gamble at work that paid off: he traded a stock that nobody else believed in, and single-handedly saved his company. Now, his dividends are smoke and dust, because he coasted off that single victory for the next twelve quarters. He doesn't think you know about any of this, but you read a lot in your spare time. The internet is a hell of a place, when you find just the right rabbit-holes. You can cram a thousand years of learning into a single sit-down. But nobody knows a damn single thing about keeping a family together... like it hasn't been invented yet. You decide to see if Ermias has one more gamble left in him, on love. Your mother is away, leaving you alone with the nerd to do the only thing he's good for: accepting marginalized people.

Lester
(Bluntly.) Ermias, I think I'm gay.

Ermias
(Playing cooler than thou.) You think, or you know?

Lester
(Annoyed.) I know. I'm gay.

Ermias
(Fake excited.) Well, how about that? I'm so proud of you for telling me. You know, I've always wanted a gay son.

His corny smile tells you this was a mistake, but it's one you've gotta roll with. Keem's busy outside, picking up leaves from the melted snow as punishment for his "inappropriate humor". Good, you don't want him knowing jack shit about you or your preferences. He'd only make things worse.

Ermias
I just want you to know that I accept you for who you are inside, and if you ever want to talk, or you need advice, I'm right here.

As he welcomes you into his sweater-vested embrace, you can hear the horrible snoring noises coming from his thin nostrils – like an anteater, sniffing for bugs. It always grosses you out, but it's just Ermias being Ermias.

Lester
(Grinning disingenuously.) Thaaanks, Ermias. Just don't tell Keem, or mom.

Ermias
Heavens, why not?

Lester
They're not as open-minded.

You mean 'pathetic', but Ermias never picks up on tone. He takes everyone at their word. Even dogs aren't that dumb.

Ermias
Let me show you something.

Ermias takes you to the living room, and turns on the GameStation 2, which sits next to the NexCast. It's handy having both consoles out of a duopolous market. Sure, the GameBox is there, but it's for kids. It just doesn't compete with the other two... it doesn't even have the same number of buttons on its controller. You can't play a solid AAA shooter on remotes that still use a nub for camera controls. Without thinking, you take a half-full can of Grape Spritz and pour one out for Anochi into your mom's potted fern. The grape flavor is just smell, anyway. You're pretty much just watering it... which it looks like it needs, by the wilting. There used to be a console by Miga too, the Miga StarSystem, but they stopped making those a million years ago, in 5527. Okay, seven years. The NexCast is pretty much its successor anyway, from a different company.
You look up from your thoughts, and Larceny Car City is done loading. This is actually one of the coolest games ever made: an open-world sandbox with crime, comedy, and cars, all in mission-format. You're not old enough to play it while your mom is around, but you can watch while Keem or Ermias plays. Keem never plays, though... he's usually busy in his room looking at pictures of Japanese cartoon girls. Unfortunately, you've learned that much from his browsing history after he stupidly left his account signed in on the family computer. You regret knowing this much about anyone in your family, and make a point to clear your browsing history every single day. If they could see what you do online, they'd think you were building a war bunker in the backyard. You'd never do that at home, you'd get caught.
Ermias loads up his main profile, Richbroke Streetsmarts. A bare-chested dude of African descent graces the screen, with his beautifully sculpted abs and pecs. Tattoos adorn his shoulders, biceps, chest and back. He's practically gilded in ink. You start to wonder if there's any gangs in town, before you catch yourself – gangstas will only break your heart, you love-struck fool. All they want is sex, money, and drugs. Maybe you'll take Keem's advice and get cut, get tats, and just check yourself out in the mirror for kicks. Yeah, you'll show those gang-bangers what a hot gentleman of the street REALLY looks like. Maybe you'll even twirl a cane, wearing all white. Just kidding. That would make you look like a massive, pompous douchebag.
While Richbroke hops around on a police motorcycle and deftly dodges incoming cop cars, you notice a pack of cigarettes in Ermias's inner suit pocket.

Lester
Those for mom?

Ermias
Ohoho, not this time, junior. I'm taking it up, like Rich here.

Ermias presses a button, and maneuvers Rich's bike off a sick jump while smoking a cigar and doing a trick pose all at the same time. It's the single coolest virtual stunt you've ever seen, and you feel a dawning respect for your soon to be former step-father. Rock metal bursts from the tube TV's speakers: Sabletooth, your favourite band. You suddenly wonder what it would be like if Ermias and Blessa had a kid together, and if you can like a new baby as much as you like your brother.

Ermias
Don't tell your mom, or Keem, okay? I don't want him to follow your old man down a dark path.

You nod, try not to laugh your ass off, and watch as Richbroke jumps off his bike; equips a jetpack; flies into the air; and shoots a rocket missile at a helicopter, blowing it into a million jagged triangles of truly impressive explosion. It's the coolest thing you've seen all day... you can't wait to one day see it for real.