Lyle.

Fuck.

Whenever I think of him, it's all him smiling and laughing. He's an angel, he even looks the part. Tall, light brown hair with waves, green eyes that sparkle, and a button nose that scrunches when he finds something funny.

I love the way he only wears green. I love the way he's obsessed with frogs and aliens. The way he rants about obscure poets and painters. I love the way he cackles, I love the way his lips look when he pouts. I love the way he's always thoughtful. He's kind, and he looks out for everyone. I'm an imperfect man, I'm selfish and jealous. I'm only human. 

And he seems to be out of this world.

Hell, he makes food seem edible. I don't feel the need to measure and count everything.  He makes me feel safe. He's never used me, never made me feel less than. He gives and he gives, till I'm drowning in his love, somewhere I'd be fine with leaving my dying breath at. He's like home for me.

I kinda hate the fact that I'm going to marry a woman. I'd much rather have him with me until the day I die. At this point, I just need to find a girl who's exactly like him. Heh, the thought of that.

Gha, I need to focus, I'm having dinner with Tom and Lyle. Shit. Lyle is already with Tom, they spent the day together. Ugh, brother bonding, I'd rather have Lyle all to myself, but nevertheless.

I threw on a white tank top, black button-up overshirt, ripped black jeans, and a red tie. I check my ear pircings, they're still healing. I never really had much say over my fashion back at home, so I'm experimenting. I like the ties; they're a staple of my wardrobe at this point. People see me, and they're like, 'Look, there's the hot tie guy!'

I leave campus, check the address that Lyle sent me, and start walking my poor ass to the nice hotel two miles away. It's about forty minutes of walking time. Not bad honestly.

Apparently, we're going to a fancy restaurant that I haven't been to, I'm college broke, and the Griffin family is rich. Lyle is my sugar daddy, and I'm proud to be a free loader.

I reach the nice hotel and text Lyle.

Hi! I'm here! -Ken 

Omgggg!! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! :O ill grab Tommy boy :P -Lyle <3

I snort, Lyle sure has a way of texting alright.

I wait about 5-ish minutes then the brothers walk out, laughing at something on Lyle's distinct green phone. I wave. Lyle sees me and excitedly runs up to greet me. Tom awkwardly waves back.

Lyle is wearing a green alien t-shirt, patchwork pants, black shoes, and a small necklace. Tom is wearing something.

We all walk to the parking lot where Tom's Grey SUV is parked. We all climb in. 

I decided that it was upon me to start the awkward small talk, I know, I know. So brave of me. 

"Soo... Tommy boy huh?"

"Lyle!? What the hell! You told him?" Tom is flushed and looks pissed.

"Yup, Tommy boy," Lyle responds, not looking up from his phone. If I did that to my sister, they would never find my body.

"Lyle I will make your fat ass walk, do not tempt me, you could use the excersise," Tom fired back.

"Hey now, Lyle, let the guy who's driving the car not be bullied, and Tom, please don't kill my sugar daddy, I need his money," I try to mediate the situation.

"Nah, he needs to be bullied more, it builds character," Lyle smiles innocently, "And, is all I am to you your sugar daddy? I thought I was more than that."

"Thank you, Ken," Tom sighed. Tom decided to be the bigger man. Thank you Tom. 

We arrived at the restaurant, and it really was a short drive. Tom parks the car. We hop out, and Lyle keeps showing me memes. 

As I walk in, I feel as though I don't belong. Everything in here is refined and expensive, and I'm just the dork who came in with his rich friends.

A waiter walks us to a booth and leaves us to grab complementary garlic rolls. He looks tired. 

Tom decided to playfully shove Lyle and wriggle his eyebrows, and he looked at the waiter and then back at Lyle. Lyle blushes, and he punches Tom. 

I guess that he wanted revenge for the harassment earlier.

Then he looks at me, and he opens his mouth to say something when the waiter comes back with the rolls. The waiter is decent-looking. I now don't like him.

We order a pepperoni pizza to share, after a bit of banter, the pizza comes. 

"Bro this smells so good," I say.

"Good because I'm buying. Free loaders," Tom responds.

"Now, now, I'm Lyle's free loader, not yours," I say.

"Thank you Kenny," Lyle smiles.

"No, Tom kill him, he called me Kenny, no one calls me Kenny," I am horrified.

"This is your just goods Kenny," Tom grins.

"No, help me, these people are crazy!" I fake yell.

We continue our perfectly sane conversation, that is until a gaggle of girls come up.

"Hey, we noticed ya'll from accross the room," A girl from the group said. She seemed mixed and pretty. The other two were giggling from behind her.

"Ah, uh, we're good thank you very much," Lyle chuckled uncomfortably. 

"Aw, but we thought ya'll would want to get drinks with us, what a shame you can't," The girl pouted.

"We're fine thanks," Tom finalized. 

The girl looked at me, "Then what about you handsome? Take us for a ride?" 

"No, my Abuela taught me not to touch things that I don't know where they've been," I told her.

Tom snorted, and Lyle looked mortified. The other two girls scoffed, and the girl who was talking to me looked shocked. She huffed and moved on with the other two.

We finished the pizza quiclky after that, Tom paid as promised. The food was amazing. The price was insane though.

I don't believe it should cost that much, like dude, fifty dollars? That's bullshit. 

Tom drives us back to Stonehill College. Then Lyle and I walk back to our dorm.

We walk in, tired and full. He suggests another movie, but I decline. I say I need to shower.

I walk into the bathroom, it's November. There's a chill in the air. The tiles feel cold under my feet.

I move over to the toilet...

I'm full. Too full. I look down at my fingers. I know what to do.

...

I look down at my fingers after I'm done. Bile coats my chin and my index and middle finger. I clean myself, then I take that shower I mentioned.

Shit, I was doing so good.

Fucking screw-up Kenneth.

It's late after my shower, Lyle is in his room, I hear soft music playing, I imagine he's painting. The glow of light from the crack under his door looks tempting, but I can't. I just can't.

I throw myself on my bed, my study papers crinkle under my wieght. I should have been studing for the next exam, but I spent my time with Lyle. I stare at my ceiling, my eyes feel heavy, I think I'm about to fall asleep.

 

Today was ok.