Emilio Francine De Ramos

After my last period, I texted Yuwan, letting him know that I would be waiting for him at our hangout spot. As I waited, my mind spiraled into a whirlwind of thoughts about how I would tell him about my sexuality, without making him uncomfortable or shocked. Should I say it casually? Something like, “Hey Yuwan, by the way, I'm Bisexual!” Or maybe soften it up, like confessing feelings? Fuck, I have no idea what to do!

Lost in thought, I suddenly heard someone call my name. My heart raced, I assumed it was Yuwan. 

“Emil!”

“You took your sweet time, huh?” I teased playfully when he finally arrived.

“Hey, it’s not my fault! My professor took ages to wrap up the lesson. He wanted to finish everything even though class was over,” Yuwan explained, shrugging off the delay.

“That's okay, I only waited for a bit,” I replied.

“So, are we heading out?” he asked, his excitement palpable.

“Actually, there's something I need to tell you first before we leave.” I felt a mix of apprehension and determination 

“Okay?” 

We went to our usual spot at school, the benches in the field. We settled down a bit before I finally said something. Here goes nothing, I guess.

“Yuwan… before anything else, I need to ask you something important,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. My hands were clammy, and my chest tightened with every heartbeat. “What’s your opinion about queer people? Do they… bother you?”

He blinked, surprised. For a second, I thought he might walk away or laugh it off. But instead, he gave me a small, curious smile.
“That’s kind of out of nowhere,” he said, tilting his head. “But honestly? No, they don’t bother me. I’ve got cousins who are lesbian and gay. They’re just people. Good people.”
His words felt like sunlight breaking through a storm. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. But it wasn’t over yet.

“Then…” I hesitated, my voice starting to tremble. “What if I told you that I, your best friend, am bisexual? Would that change how you see me?”

There was silence.
I braced myself for rejection, for confusion, maybe even anger. My heart pounded so loud I swore he could hear it. And then, he laughed. Not mockingly. Just laughed.

“Why are you laughing?” I asked, half-annoyed, half-crushed. “I’m being serious!”

He grinned and leaned back casually.
“Is that all you have to tell me?” he said with a chuckle. “Dude, I’ve known you were queer since freshman year.”

“What?” My jaw dropped. “Since freshman? And you never said anything?”

He shrugged, smiling warmly now. “I didn’t want to assume. You always seemed like you were figuring things out, and I didn’t want to push. I figured… if it was something you wanted to share, you would. And now you have.”
He paused before adding softly, “It means a lot that you trust me enough to say it out loud. And hey, nothing’s changed. You’re still my best friend. I’ve got your back, same as always.”

Something inside me cracked open, relief, maybe even joy. All I could do was smile, eyes stinging just a little. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes at his words. After all this time of hiding my sexuality, Yuwan knows about it all along. If I only told him sooner, he might have understood my feelings for him long ago. 

“Don’t cry, Emil. I support you no matter who you are or who you love. If you want, I can even help you find a boyfriend,” he teased, giving me a nudge.

“Shut up,” I laughed through my tears, playfully hitting his shoulder. “But seriously, thank you for accepting me, Yuwan. You know this isn’t easy for me.”

“It’s nothing. I’m here for you. If anyone bullies you about your sexuality, they’ll have to answer to me,” he declared, his expression shifting to one of fierce loyalty.

“You’re so violent, Yuwan Zion Machenzo,” I teased, grateful for his unwavering support. 

There was silence for a minute until I finally found the courage to meet his eyes, my fingers nervously twisting together. The weight of the moment pressed down on me, and the words clawed at my throat, desperate to come out.

“I… I still have something else to tell you,” I began, feeling a rush of nerves again.

“What is it now? I bet I already know,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s serious this time. Yuwan, there’s a—”

“Yuwan!” I was cut off as someone called his name from across the courtyard.

A stunning girl approaches, her brown hair flowing softly over her shoulders and her hazel-brown eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun. Who was she?

“Heather!” Yuwan shouted, beaming as he ran towards her. I watched as his eyes lit up in a way I had never seen before, a spark that made my stomach twist.

Oh no. I recognized that look, I knew it all too well. It is the kind of gaze that says he is interested. And just like that, I felt an ache in my heart as Yuwan wrapped his arms around Heather, pulling her into a warm embrace. I wish that were me.

Their hug was tight, and Heather’s arms wrapped around Yuwan’s waist, making my heart ache with envy. When they released each other, they strolled toward the hut where I sat, feeling increasingly like an outsider.

“Heather, this is Emilio De Ramos, my best friend. Emil, this is Heather Amira Gutierrez, my classmate from Mathematics in the Modern World,” Yuwan introduced, his voice bright with enthusiasm.

“Nice to meet you, Emilio! Yuwan talks about you all the time,” Heather said, linking her arm with Yuwan’s. I noted that this Mathematics in the Modern World class was one Yuwan had flunked last semester.

“Nice to meet you too, Heather. I’m guessing this is your first year at St. James, am I correct?” I asked, trying to sound casual while wrestling with my unease.

“Yes, Emilio! I’m a first-year Mass Comm student. I just started this semester,” she replied, her smile warm and genuine.

“Please, just call me Emil, Emilio is too formal,” I said, waving my hand dismissively. Why does everyone insist on calling me Emilio?

“Oh okay, Emil!” She laughed lightly, her laughter brightening the air around us.

Yuwan has a knack for developing crushes on beautiful girls at lightning speed. Just like last year, he introduced me to Veronica, the daughter of our department’s dean, who just so happened to be in his course. I described Veronica as the Regina George of our department, superficial and demanding. She was sweet to Yuwan, but I saw her true colors; she only wanted him for money.

I warned Yuwan, but he hadn’t taken me seriously at first. After a few weeks, he caught Veronica kissing another guy. He broke up with her immediately, but now with Hearther, I couldn’t read her at all. Was she just pretending to be nice, or was she just genuinely sweet, and I am just being a dickhead for having feelings for Yuwan?

“Oh, I almost forgot, I have to go. My friends and I have plans. I’ll see you tomorrow, Yuwan! It was nice meeting you, Emil!” Heather said, waving goodbye as she dashed toward the gate.

As she ran off, Yuwan watched her go, his eyes filled with admiration. I couldn’t help but feel a heavy sense of disappointment, like a crushing weight in my chest. And here I thought I might have a chance with him. I would’ve preferred getting rejected than seeing him fall for a girl, it’s like I had just received a giant ‘X’, even if he didn’t explicitly say it but I could already tell.

“By the way, what were you going to tell me before Heather showed up?” Yuwan asked suddenly, pulling me back to reality.

“Oh, never mind. I forgot what I was going to say,” I replied, not wanting to admit the truth now. Bad timing. 

“Well, if you say so. Let’s head out then, I’ll drive you to work,” he offered. He is such a gentleman and I hate him for being that sweet. Sometimes, when his class dismissed early, he would drive me to the convenience store, often buying his snacks there, but on my tab of course.

“Yuwan, I can just take a cab there,” I insisted, trying to assert my independence.

“Nope, unless you want to be late,” he countered, already moving toward his car. I gave in; he was right. My shift was starting soon. I had no choice but to accept his offer.

As we drove, Yuwan chatted about Heather. From her birthday to her favorite foods and hobbies, he rambled on, and I wondered if I needed to know all this. After all, I’m not exactly her ‘friend’.

“She’s amazing, Emil. I can’t believe how close we’ve become in just a few days,” he said, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

I nodded, my heart sinking further. I couldn’t bear to meet his gaze, afraid he might see the sadness reflected in my eyes. I couldn’t blame him; he was a guy, after all. It was normal for him to fall for a girl so quickly. Here I was, a closeted bisexual man who couldn’t muster the courage to tell his best friend that I had feelings for him.

Before I knew it, we had arrived at the convenience store. I hopped out of the passenger seat and walked toward the entrance, my heart heavy. Yuwan honked his horn as I turned to wave goodbye, a small smile on his face.

“Thanks again for the ride, Yuwan,” I called out.

“No problem, Emil. I won’t go inside for now; I have plans too. Just hanging out with the guys,” he said, a flicker of excitement in his eyes.

“Hey Yuwan, be careful, alright? Don’t get into any accidents!” I warned, half-serious.

“Yes, Mom,” he rolled his eyes, but I could see the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Tch, fine. See you tomorrow,” I waved again as he drove off, disappearing as I stepped into the store.

“...mil! Emil! Emil!” I barely heard Melissa calling my name as I stood at the registrar’s desk, my mind still clouded with thoughts of Yuwan and Heather.

“Yeah, Meli, what’s up?” I snapped out of my reverie.

“Hey! You’re completely zoned out! You’ve been staring into space for ages! Can’t you see there’s a line forming?” she scolded, pointing at the line of impatient customers waiting behind me.

“Shit! Sorry for the delay, ma’am!” I apologized to the customer at the front of the line.

“You need to focus on your work, young man,” she chided me, her tone a bit annoyed.

“Yes, ma’am. I promise it won’t happen again,” I assured her, hoping to salvage some of my dignity.

After handling the line of customers, I excused myself to take a quick break in the employee room.

I had never been so distracted at work that I lost track of my surroundings. Was it because of what happened earlier? I couldn’t let myself be affected like this. I sat in silence, lost in thought, when a knock on the door pulled me from my musings. It was Melissa. When she opened the door, she offered me water which I accepted.

“Hey, what’s going on? I’ve never seen you this lost in thought,” she said, concern etching her features. “Did something happen earlier?”

“I… guess you could say that,”  I admitted, feeling the weight of my confession.

“Oh? What happened this time?” she asked, leaning in, intrigued.

I poured out everything that had transpired before I arrived at the convenience store, the laughter, the tension, the moment of vulnerability.

“Emil, you can’t blame him for treating Heather like that. You. Haven't. Confessed.” She said, her voice sharp and direct. I felt a pang of guilt at her words. 

“I’m not saying it’s your fault, but you should’ve told him sooner. Now, there’s someone else beating you to it, and you’re left as just his ‘queer best friend’,” she continued, her eyes boring into mine. Only Melissa, Jennica, and Lor knew about my feelings for Yuwan. She had a point, I was too late to express my feelings.

“What do I do now, Meli? I can’t just magically not like him anymore,” I sighed, feeling defeated. “And we don’t even know if Yuwan really likes Heather; they just started hanging out a few days ago.”

“But that feeling can develop sooner or later. You don’t even know if Yuwan is bisexual or not. What will you do if one day he tells you he likes Heather?” she pressed, her question hanging in the air like a storm cloud. I fell silent. What could I say? I had no control over Yuwan’s feelings, it was his choice of whom to like.

“Enough with the emo moment, let’s get back to work,” Melissa said, her voice lightening the mood. “But Emil, all I’m saying is that do it before it’s too late.”

“Yes, Meli,” I replied, pushing my feelings aside as I returned to work, trying my best to focus and not think about Yuwan and Heather.

After my shift at work, I went straight back to my dorm to study. I tried hard not to dwell on the events of the day. But I couldn’t shake Melissa’s words from my mind. What if Yuwan really started to develop feelings for Heather? What about me? My heart wasn’t strong enough to see them together, happy, while I remained in the shadows, holding on to a hope that felt increasingly distant. I felt utterly alone, trapped in a cycle of longing and fear, wondering if my feelings would ever be returned.