The proceeding days, after the initiation of the princess into a political position, were a welcome surprise since she was being prepared just like the prince had been before he was given responsibility for the gardens.

The prince was clearly bothered by the princess’ progress and for being treated differently by the Queen now. It was surprising to see the Queen address the princess of her own accord now and with kindness.

Each day, the Queen would ask the princess regarding her daily lessons on geography and political awareness. The princess was an excellent investment since she was a diligent student, and she made sure to debate on everything with me and make a decision based on the optimal outcome. It was inspiring to see her progress and I was delighted to watch her true potential being unlocked.

But while she was transforming right in front of my eyes – my feelings were also growing considerably, and it was futile to keep them hidden. At first, I would just subtly glance in her direction, but then that morphed into obvious stares as she would turn to me and smile so innocently and unapologetically sometimes.

She wasn’t treating me like an advisor anymore, it felt more like I was a friend, whenever we were alone together. She would convince me to roam around the gardens for a little longer each week before we would have to go to the orphanage and then back to the castle. There were also several times when she and I would sneak into the royal study for more reading during the nighttime.

As close as we had gotten to one another, it had become drastically difficult to keep my attraction towards her secret.

And while I had been somewhat good at controlling my emotions, there was someone who knew me enough to see through my sorry attempts at hiding my growing feelings for the princess.

“Let’s cut to the chase.” I frowned as Oanez came to sit down right across from me. He was frowning as he slammed my book shut. “What is going on?” While I tried to pretend as if I didn’t understand what he wanted – I knew exactly what he was asking about. During the times I had been blatant in my attempts at admiring the princess, it was only Oanez who noticed it. Whenever I would be watching the princess for a moment too long, Oanez would be staring at me. It was kind of creepy if I already didn’t consider him as a friend. But then again, he was good at reading people and observing his surroundings.

His eyes were as sharp as ever, probably because he wasn’t as old or relatively old as the other advisors around us. And, because he knew me.

“Do not think of lying to me or acting as if you do not know what I am alluding to.”

“What are you trying to ask me?” I tried to open my book again, but he placed his hand on its cover and pulled the entire thing towards himself. Wonderful, my attempt at not thinking about the princess was going to be invaded by having to talk about her instead.

“You know exactly what I am trying to address here, Elena. Your inability to look away from the princess for even a second, and how you agree with everything she says even when she is asking a question.” I remained frowning at him as his lips stretched into a smirk. “So, what is it?”

“You have it already figured out.” I tried to hide behind sarcasm, but he took it as a serious admission. “I want you to say it directly.”

Seeing how he wasn’t going to back down, I shook my head. “There is nothing to say.”

“Come on, Elena. I have known you since you were a rebellious child. Your realities have never been strange or unknown to me, and I have always supported you. Will you not share this one thing with me?” His emotional speech and question would have caught me off-guard if he was anyone else. His words were true, and I clearly remembered our past together.

He was the one who had taken me to a pub for my first drink, and he was the one who taught me most of what I knew now. He was more of a mentor and a father than my own, and he was my friend. But even when we had this vast history together, I still felt wrong sharing my attraction towards the princess with him. If it were any other woman, I would’ve searched him out myself for advice, but this was the princess.

She was not someone I was going to pursue or even admit to having feelings for verbally. I had already decided on keeping it a secret and taking it to my grave.

But while I thought of extreme measures, Oanez had gotten brave enough to put my situation into words. Several of them, at that too. “If you want me to say it aloud first, then I will speak it.” I frowned while he continued. “You are infatuated with the princess but are too terrified to accept your feelings because the princess is not the regular women you have been with.”

I groaned when he finished with a satisfied smirk. Before I could say anything to his accurate description of my situation, he continued further. “How long has it been since you’ve been with a woman now?” My eyes widened in disbelief as he snickered like a child. He was a grown man, who was asking me an inappropriate question. The audacity.

“Is this amusing to you? Are you enjoying yourself?” Oanez nodded his head as he leaned back in the chair while staring at me with a smirk still in place. “It is quite amusing to see you being undone by the princess.”

“You talk like I’m a casanova or something.” It wasn’t like I had been with many women throughout the years. I had only been with a handful of women and the number had risen only because they had been terrified to be with me after their parents would find out or my father would.

It had been a repetition which continued with each woman before I put an end to it with my studies.

I would fall head over heels for a woman; she would leave me; and I would be back to the pub saddened and drinking away the tragedy. But then I would find another woman to replace the first one. It was an entire cycle. One that Oanez had been an enthusiastic witness to. He was the one who was always pushing me to talk to women, anyway!

“I haven’t seen you with a woman for years now, perhaps that could be reason for your infatuation with the princess.” I frowned at his correct analysis regarding my love life as I shook my head. “I am not attracted to the princess.” Even when he already knew about my feelings, I wanted to deny them. It wasn’t like I didn’t already accept them because I clearly did. Everything Oanez had said was true. There was no moment when I wouldn’t stare at the princess or agree with everything she said or wanted. I was charmed by the blonde royal, and it was concerning for me. But it still didn’t warrant having an entire conversation over with Oanez, who couldn’t let some things go.

“Keep telling yourself that.” He pushed my book towards me, and I frowned when he leaned forward once again. “Anyway, I came here to find you because the princess was looking for you.”

As if I wasn’t obvious enough already – just hearing that the princess was searching for me had me rising from my chair with wide eyes. “Did she tell you why?”

Oanez smirked as he looked up at me. I only had to see the mischief clear in his eyes to know that I had been duped into believing a lie. “What did you say before? I am not attracted to the princess.” Sitting back down, I sighed at my own nearsightedness and obvious nature. This trait made me into a horrible advisor. Anyone could know of my feelings for the princess if they were to simply observe me, which was a concerning matter. I was fortunate that only Oanez had noticed this or else it would’ve been troubling for me.  

“Please stop teasing me, Oanez. I am already troubled.” Finally, his expressions returned to a certain seriousness which I was used to.

“What are you going to do then?” I sighed since that was a question I had asked myself multiple times already. What was I going to do with my feelings? I couldn’t act upon them, obviously, but then hiding them was not the best solution since I had been horrible at doing so. If Oanez could see through my poor attempts, then anyone with some eyes could also do the same. It was just a matter of time.

Only the thought that the princess wasn’t aware, had me relieved. As long as she didn’t know about my feelings for her, everything could remain as is. We were secret friends, and we held nothing back from one another. Well, of course, aside from what I felt for her.

My silence prompted Oanez to say something else, which struck me quite brutally since I agreed with him. “This matter can only be resolved if you either speak about these feelings with the princess herself, or to find someone else to transfer these affections onto.” I watched him stand up from his chair as he came to pat my shoulder. He had done so several times before, in a way that always comforted me, but this time it did the exact opposite. “The princess will never be yours, Elena. You are her advisor, and there will never come a day when your status changes.” I nodded my head as I looked down at my closed book.

“Guard your heart, my friend. Guard it well.” That was Oanez’s advice to me as he left me in the study, to my own thoughts which were filled with the princess and his words. But while I thought of the solutions Oanez had mentioned, both seemed impossible since the first one involved being honest with the princess. And the other involved being dishonest with myself and bringing someone else into my mess.

Surprisingly, this matter had been the worst to think about in comparison with the political matters which were going to surround the Kingdom in the coming days.

The Geraldian Queens were going to arrive in Naja by the end of the week, and the princess had been prepared on what to say and not to say. Entire itineraries for the Queens’ days were prepared beforehand since the princess were to escort them in everything. And if the princess was going to be joined to the hip with the Queens’ than I would have to be with her at all times as well.

My feelings as well as my position as the princess’ advisor was going to be tested severely in the near future, and somehow that terrified me more than the thought of being truthful with her.

But perhaps, a solution might fall into my lap sooner or later. If I were to leave my matter to some higher power, perhaps I could live through this and survive with my sanity still intact.

But I knew that plans involving other people seldom go the way we want.