As he headed toward the front, clutching his items to his chest, Ash detoured to avoid where the footsteps had retreated to the other side of the store. He thought he’d made it without incident, stepping out from an aisle full of personal care products and cleaning supplies, when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Jerking his head to the side, a shiver ran up his spine. They’d both emerged from their respective aisles, their eyes meeting. His thoughts melted into a nonsensical mess, all hopes of escape going up in smoke, as his jaw went slack.

He wasn’t just blond. He had blue eyes, vivid blue eyes, ones that held inquisitiveness and a humored brightness that lit up his face. Ash trembled, his knees going weak. Able to fully see how lean and tall and broad-shouldered he was as he stood with his cup of noodles, Ash blurted out, “Are you a foreigner?”

Horrified that the words spilled out, Ash slapped a hand over his mouth.

He wanted to disappear as the man’s head tilted, the corner of his mouth twitching with what Ash could only hope was suppressed laughter. “I-”

“Dammit! That wasn’t what I meant! Sorry! Ignore me!” Ash turned and fled toward the counter, wondering if his skin could melt off with how hot he felt. The back of his neck prickled, the humiliation that sent him wheeling unrelenting as he dumped his purchases on the counter. He couldn’t believe he’d just voiced his thoughts without even thinking about it. Keeping his head bowed, Ash mumbled, “Good afternoon, Seta-san.”

He peeked up to see the young, sweet-faced cashier smile and bite her lip, the laughter he knew she was desperately trying to hide lurking behind that expression until she turned her focus on ringing him up. His back tensed at the sound of footsteps crossing behind him. Ash looked over his shoulder, listening to the beep of the register as he watched the other man pick up and inspect each of the apples sitting in a nearby basket. He tossed one in the air, catching it with a pleased noise.

Ash didn’t know what word described him, but he couldn’t stop staring. He didn't move with the precision of the agents he worked with, yet he moved more gracefully than any of the civilians Ash had previously dealt with. Mouth gaped, Ash sucked in a sharp breath when the other man turned toward him.

The blond rose a questioning brow.

Ash blushed as nervousness settled in his body. Seta called his attention back, waiting patiently as he turned toward her. He pulled his card out, his hand shaking. “Oh, um… Uh, sorry. How much is it again?”

It dropped on the counter rather than the tray, clattering against the linoleum. Ash groaned, pressing his palm to his face. He wasn’t normally that clumsy, but it seemed like he’d lost all sense of how to move in the short time he’d been in the store. There was quiet laughter behind him. Turning just enough to look out of the corner of his eye, he abruptly turned back. The blond’s mouth faintly curved, his eyes having apparently moved to linger on the back of his head. Ash forced his eyes down.

With a small giggle, she repeated his total and picked up the card. As it processed, she leaned in closer to whisper, “He doesn’t come in very often. Do you know him, Kurokawa-san?”

Ash shook his head, rubbing a hand on his burning cheek. He wished he did, so he could at least explain why he’d said something so obscenely stupid to him in broad daylight. “No, can’t say I do,” he muttered, ducking his head to punch his pin number into the tiny machine she pushed toward him. He swore silently—What the fuck is wrong with me?! - fighting hard to not look at the man in question.

“Have a good day!” she said once the transaction went through. Ash gave her a vague smile and grabbed the bag she held out in a delicate hand, turning to leave. The faster he could get out of the store, the faster he could find where his missing senses had gone. There were only a few more steps, then he’d be free of the hell the past several minutes had become. He could do it.

Not raising his eyes, focusing intently on his shoes, he barreled forward - right into the taller man standing patiently behind him. He froze as his ears rang with the sounds of both their meals hitting the ground. The apple rolled to a stop against his foot, its red skin dented. Ash tensed. The blond steadied him with a hand on his arm. With the horror of what he’d just done crashing over him, Ash slowly craned his neck to look up. His mouth snapped shut, the apology sitting on his tongue dying, when he caught sight of the blond’s face so close to his.

The stranger’s expression shifted from confused to amused. “Hi there,” he murmured, voice light and almost teasing in its lilt.

Ash didn’t think it could get any worse.

He looks- “-like a model.”

Of course, he proved himself wrong.

Diving to gather everything up, Ash hoped that he’d perhaps wake up from the nightmare he was clearly in before he stood back up. It couldn’t be real, all of his training flying out the window as he realized he’d put his foot in his mouth not just once, but twice, his inside thoughts becoming outside ones. He wasn’t lucky enough to wake up, however, as he stood and pressed the apple, cup of noodles, and loose bottles of water back into the other man’s hands. Ash considered shooting himself in the head, his humiliation only growing as they stood in awkward silence.

“Are you okay?” the blond asked. Despite its gentleness, his voice held the amusement glowing in his face until he bent down to grab the bag sitting at their feet.

Please just kill me, Ash thought with growing despair, If I do it in the alley, the cleanup will be a lot easier. The other man held his bag out once he straightened up. Ash recoiled when their hands brushed together as he took it. Getting caught up again in his gaze, wanting to look away but finding himself completely unable to, Ash went flush. Struggling to find his words, he gave him a wan smile.

“Fine. I’m fine. Absolutely fine. Thank you! Sorry!” Ash took off, trying to ignore the vivid shade of crimson coloring his cheeks when he saw his distorted reflection in the glass door. Keeping his head down and his shoulders hunched, he trudged to the train station. He didn’t stop walking until he found a bench to sit on. He groaned and ran his hands down his face.

“Fuck me, what the hell was that?” He unwrapped his sandwich and took a small bite out of it, savoring the flavor of the fluffy bread and the creamy interior for a beat before taking another, angrier bite. “Of course I’d make a damn fool of myself! What the fuck…“

He’d completely lost it. All sense fled, as if he were a lovesick teenager meeting their first crush and not the seasoned agent that he actually was. He’d faced down gunmen and hostage situations with more calm than he had seeing a man—an attractive one, admittedly—just going about his business. It hadn’t been that long since he broke up with his last boyfriend, only a little over six months. He didn’t think it’d been long enough that he’d lose all common sense when faced by someone with pretty eyes.

Especially when he wasn’t looking for a relationship, anyway. Please, please, please, do not let me see him ever again. Fuck my life.

Contemplating whether he should ever go back to that store, he forced himself to continue eating despite his appetite dwindling to nothing. Trying to push the image of the amused grin to the back of his mind, he shook his head to clear it. He could think all he wanted about what it’d feel like to have the hand that touched him do other things later.

Or not, he thought, exasperated, you don’t need this, stop it! Chastising himself for letting his head wander, Ash slowly packed up the remains of his lunch. He needed to focus on the likelihood that Isao had more bad news to give him. Standing to make his way to the right track, he sighed.

He stalked past the ever present gaggle of trainees to the elevator once he eventually made it to Kuroi Ki’s lobby. The journey up felt too long, each floor passing in near slow motion as he watched the numbers tick up. The second, third, fourth. His eyes rolled when it seemed like he’d never reach the right one. He didn’t remember the elevator being that slow.

The doors smoothly opened to a deafening silence. It wasn’t generally loud in the main building—the one meant for investigations, covert operations, and forensics—but even so, usually he could hear the soft sounds of conversations happening in the various offices, conference rooms, and labs. The dull noises of an office, of people idly talking to each other as they went about their day, would fill the halls regardless of what time he showed up.

Instead, all he could hear was his own breath. Letting the elevator close behind him, Ash looked around. Even amongst the people he could see, a strange tension sat over the hallways he walked through. He didn’t like it. He felt twitchy and uncomfortable, unable to shake the feeling that they all must have heard the news already. A few agents turned and nodded to him as he passed the open office doors. The lieutenants they were speaking to shot troubled looks his direction.

Ona sat behind her desk, her eyes fixed on the computer screen with stress pinching her face. Approaching her, Ash gave her a strained smile. “Hi, Ona-san.”

She frowned, worry creasing her brow. “Good afternoon, Shadowfire. Go on in, Commander Cipher is waiting for you.” Even her greeting was clipped and tight, her friendly smile missing. He couldn’t remember a time she’d been so somber when he spoke to her. He didn’t like it.

Ash made his way around her desk, staring at the closed door. He didn’t know what to expect, everything from I’m about to be fired, aren’t I? to Dad didn’t get himself killed since I left, did he? running through his head.  

Taking a breath and squaring his shoulders, he opened the door.