Eric's POV:

Do you know that feeling of suddenly realizing how sober you are and that you've just been using the fact that you're drunk to justify making bad decisions and then the impending guilt that hits you in the face like a brick? Probably not. But now I have. I know I'm not drunk anymore, but... is it bad that I don't want to stop? Would that be manipulation of a drunk person? Again, probably. But... It doesn't seem like Finn wants to stop. I mean, we... consented to it? I have no idea how this works. Fuck it. Nothing can de-escalate the situation, and I don't want anything to. This is happening.

...

Regret. A familiar enough concept, yet not so familiar to stop the throbbing guilt in one's heart. Now, as I'm becoming more and more aware of my situation, waking up in the same bed as Finn, apparently lying on his bare chest because of my own selfishness and no apparent remorse. Disgusting. Why would I do that to a drunk person? What kind of monster am I? I'm disgusting. Who the fuck would ever do that? Why the fuck would I do that? The words began to ring through my head, again and again, like I'm reliving the worst moments of my life all over again. Regret. Regret. Stop. Stop it. Stop.

I can't blink. I can't breathe. I don't want to move. I want to stab someone. I want to stab myself. Fuck. I can't... I don't know what the fuck to feel right now. I want to stop myself from doing something like this ever again. I'm sitting up on the bed, clutching my hair, trying not to move, or breathe, or do anything that would wake up Finn and start a conversation that I want to put off forever if I can. My wide eyes blur out of focus, and I clench my jaw. What was I thinking? What even... I am absolute scum. I don't deserve to go to college if my mind is still stuck in the fucking gutter all the time. I don't even deserve to live. I-

"Eric? Eric. Are you... alright?"

Fuck. Finn's awake. I woke him up. Of course I did. Of course. Why didn't I try harder not to? I need to try harder. Wait, he said something. What was it? Fuck. I need to listen better. I need to try harder.

"H-huh?" I stammered. I'm trying not to look him in the face. I can't, when it's all my fault. Like always. Every time. My fault.

"I... asked if you were alright."

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped my face around to look at him, and realized that it was streaked with tears. I couldn't say anything. I just... couldn't. I need to apologize. I need to get the words out. I open my mouth, and nothing comes out except a sob. Pathetic.

"Eric... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

What? It's not his fault. Everything is my fault. Don't apologize. Don't. You can't make me feel like I'm worth something. I don't deserve this false hope.

"Finn, no. No. Absolutely not. This isn't your fucking fault. It's mine. You can't say sorry. I have to. Finn, I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what to say except sorry. I want to apologize, and I wanted to be friends, but I fucked that up pretty bad, didn't I?" I try to smile, but I can feel it slipping. It hurts. My eyes hurt. My jaw hurts. Most of all, though, my heart hurts. I can't keep it up anymore. I start sobbing again. I'm so pathetic. I bury my head in my hands.

I feel his hands slide onto my own and lift my face, taking my hands away. I'm sure I look horrible.

"Eric, stop. Stop."

"I'm sorry-"

"No, Eric, you're misunderstanding. This isn't your fault. It's mine just as much as yours. Stop apologizing."

He wipes the tears from my face, and the warmth of his hands is comforting, but there's still an underlying tone of crushing guilt when he touches me. More than his hands, the warmth I'm drawn to is his words. The way they aren't twisted to make me at fault. The way they make perfect sense even if I can't seem to reach the same conclusion myself no matter how many times I try. Maybe the feeling that compelled me to make the decision last night wasn't lust, but actual love or admiration, if that's possible in such a short time knowing someone. I sincerely hope that was it, but I don't think it's going to matter anyway. If I were him, I would probably move out immediately to get away from the weird, perverted roommate that took advantage of me when I was drunk.

"Finn..." I sob. "You don't understand. I... think I took advantage of you. You were drunk, and I sobered up last night. Before... that. I'm so, so sorry. I understand if you're angry. Please be angry. I deserve it."

My eyes frantically met his. I wish I could tell what he was thinking. I wish I could have done something differently, so that, maybe, a conversation with my roommate wouldn't happen in the same bed, shirtless, and in tears.

"Thank fuck. Holy shit." Finn raised one of his hands to his head, like a headache was trying to pound its way out of his skull. "I was worried that I was the one taking advantage of you. I may have been under the influence, but I'm used to it by now. Believe me, I would have made the same exact decision as I did. Thank...oh my god. I was so worried." He let out a shaky breath. "I was worried you were crying because I did something wrong. I thought you wished you hadn't... done... that." Finn trailed off.

Oh my gosh. Was it not my fault? Was it no one's fault? If we were both sober enough to make "rational" decisions, does that mean... maybe it meant something different to Finn. It was a huge misunderstanding.

"Finn... I'm still sorry. I'm going to be sorry, even if it wasn't my fault. Even if I don't really regret it, I'm still going to be a little sorry. But... for now, if, um, if you don't mind... we can go back to "normal" later. Whatever that was. But... Do you mind if we stay here for a little longer? For just...a minute. That's all I need." Tears continue to fall down my face, and again, I'm sobbing. I wish for that warmth, the reassuring words that I can't help but believe. Fuck. I can't believe I'm falling for someone I met just yesterday. But it already feels like I know him better than I know anyone else. Even if I also feel like I know nothing at all.

Once again, Finn wipes the tears from my eyes. His hands linger and cup my face reassuringly. I reach up and hold them to my face, crying harder.

Finn's POV:

To be honest, I want to cry, too. But, right now, Eric is more important. I need to make sure he's alright. Besides, I already cried in front of him once, last night. Last night. I don't want to say it was a mistake, but I don't know, since Eric seems to be so stressed about it. Then again, who wouldn't be? I can't exactly tell if he regrets it. I wish we had some sort of... lead up to it. A normal romance, sort of. If that's what he wants. I really can't tell. I don't want him to be uncomfortable with me. I think this relationship is all out of order, but I hope it does become something more. Eric seems like a great person, and I want to be close to him. I don't know right now if the "close" I'm referring to is the same closeness as last night, or a different, platonic kind. If I was in some kind of relationship, I might want to... fix myself first. I wouldn't want to burden my partner with my personal issues. Which is why I need to be strong for Eric, even if he isn't my "partner", he needs me right now, and I'm not going to let him down. Ever.

My hands are cupped around Eric's face, and now they're wet with his tears. I reach my hands around his head and pull him into my chest, holding him close. I rest my head on the top of his own, and let out a stifled sigh. His hair is soft, and smells like me. Which, considering our circumstances, isn't odd. It's still nice, though. I wonder, am I comforting him, or me? Eric wraps his arms around my neck, and moves his head onto my shoulder. At this point, he's practically sitting on my lap. It's really rather comfortable, to be honest. I feel a little better than before.

"Thank you..." Eric says, his voice slightly muffled.

Instead of answering, I wrap my arms tighter around him and sigh again. I don't really have an answer for him. It really does feel like he's the one comforting me.

...

A while later, I'm sitting in the kitchen, trying my best to focus. I have a presentation due in a week, but I know that if I procrastinate, like normal, it won't get done. Sometimes, I wonder if choosing a business major was the right decision for me. The reason I chose this major is because I need to work and earn money so I can live properly on my own for once. Standing on my own two feet was always something I did, but I was never "old enough" or "responsible enough" to get a job, or move away with my little sister and get away from our "caretakers", if you can even call them that. My sister is living well enough on her own, even though she's in high school, thanks to me. I work a weekend freelance gig that pays pretty well, and that's the only reason she's living fine. She works at a fast food joint, but she barely makes enough to cover food expenses. She lives back in Pinckney, Michigan. The location is ironic. We always said our parents would go to Hell, and now here she is living next to a town named Hell. It's not as funny as we pretend it is.

Speaking of my weekend gig; it's just manual labor. Part-time construction worker, sorta. It won't get me through college, but I got hella lucky and got a small scholarship from playing the trombone (I guess no one else really played it that year? Doesn't make sense to me either- I'm not all that in the band.), and another from being a foster kid. Honestly, college scouts are suckers for sad backstories. The saddest thing is that I didn't have to exaggerate mine at all. I wonder what Eric's story is. Honestly, I really hope he was one of those super spoiled kids. He really deserves a life like that, but from the way he talks like everything is his fault, I can tell that's really not the case. Then again, I don't wanna assume anything, because some people are just 'like that'. Now, I'm not exactly a psychologist, but everyone is how they are because of past experiences, right? Like, if someone had a missing parent, they might have abandonment issues to go along with that parent's absence, and those would be carried with them for their entire life. That's why I hate shitty parents. Even if they're gone from your life, they'll always weigh on your mind, and the things they did never really go away, no matter how much therapy you might take.

I sigh and close my laptop. There's no way I'm getting any of this done right now. I take out my phone and check my messages. There's one message, like usual. From my sister, asking where I am or what I'm doing or when I can come back to visit. It's nice to know someone cares what you're doing with your life, and what it would do to them if you threw it away. Sometimes that's the only thing that really keeps you around in the end.

I open the message from my sister. It reads:

"Hey, bro! I kno youre like busy in college and stuff, but i need you to come over soon. Like, soon soon because i promised my friend youd tutor him since youre probably smarter than me?? Oops ig?? See you then!!"

I take it back. Maybe my sister will be the end of me after all. I'm about to tell her no, but it might not be a bad idea to give Eric some space for a while, in case I make him uncomfortable. Besides, all my classes are practically online anyways. Who'd miss me? I feel a little guilty, like I'm running away from my problems, but I'll be back soon anyways. It's not running away if I come right back to it. Not that it's a problem. Unless it is. Honestly, I'm not very sure. I'm pretty decisive usually, but I don't have much experience or anything to go off of on this. Not like I've slept with my roommate on the first day of college before or anything. Thinking about it, it would be weirder if I had.

I text my sister back, telling her she owes me big time, and then I go to my room to pick out what I'm taking to my sister's apartment. It took me a while to find the dignity I pretty much lost last night, but I managed to scrape some together. I should probably let Eric know that I'm going to stay with my sister for a day or so, but I don't have his number. Not that it matters, because we'll see each other probably five more times today. It'll be hella awkward, but hey, at least I found some of that dignity I was looking for.

Around three o'clock, I try to stick around the living room, because most classes end around two to two-thirty. I don't want to avoid Eric. That would only lead to more unnecessary problems. So, I'm going to try and at least make friends with him. Besides the fact that we apparently liked each other enough to fucking sleep together, I think we'd really click if we hung out more, even if not romantically. I wouldn't want to put that pressure on him, anyway. It seems like he's already got enough pressure on him from something, and I don't want that something to include me, too.