We waited a while, and someone whistled. It was the ordinary seaman from the superstructure who screamed, “Chief, Chief!” and whistled.

Chief Mate got angry and shouted, “Am I a dog, do I look like a dog to you?!”

The ordinary seaman pointed out his portable VHF radio. Chief Mate tried his portable VHF radio, but it didn’t work, probably because of a dead battery. Chief Mate removed his battery and gave it to me.

Chief Mate said, “Cadet, bring me another spare battery from my office and put this one to charge.”

I ran to his office, swapped the batteries, and ran back as fast as I could. I gave the spare battery to Chief Mate, and he plugged it into his portable VHF radio. As soon as he switched on the portable VHF radio, you could hear, “Chief, this is Captain… Chief Mate, respond!!”

Chief Mate used the portable VHF radio and said, “Chief mate here, my battery died on me.”

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “Don’t you know that you have to have your VHF charged? What if there was an emergency? Even now, everyone is waiting on you. Just release the tug if you are capable of doing that.”

Chief Mate tightened his grip around the portable VHF radio and said, “Aft, release tugboat.”

We released the tug, and Chief Mate said on his portable VHF radio, “Aft tugboat released.”

We looked over to the starboard side where we were docked to give our ropes to the mooring men on shore, and there was a big parking lot full of cars as far as the eye could see. Few passages stretched between this endless sea of cars. One passage led to our ship. It was near our loading ramp on the starboard side.

Chief Mate mumbled in his beard, “That fool, you must first have 2 ropes forward and aft before letting the tugboat go.”

We gave the spring line[1] to the mooring men on shore, followed by a stern line[2]. The mooring men attached the ropes to the bollards. We tightened the lines using our winches.

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “Mooring three-plus-one!”

On VHF, Chief Mate and 2nd Mate confirmed the order, so we gave two more stern lines.

Able seaman said, “Three-plus-one, that is overkill for this ship in this port.”

Chief Mate said, “Here, we could go with just one-plus-one.”

I said, “You mean one spring line and one stern line here on aft, and one spring and headline on forward.”

Chief Mate said, “Yes, that is correct, Cadet. Very good.”

I lowered the stern line, and the mooring men waved.

The mooring man shouted to me, “No good, no good.”

The mooring man below me talked into his portable VHF radio.

I said, “Chief, the guy below said something is no good.”

Chief Mate and the able seaman leaned on the ship’s rail.

Chief Mate yelled, “What is the problem?”

The mooring man below us pointed at the middle of the ship and shouted, “No good, somebody come!”

Soon, a port authority vehicle came with some local authority and a foreman. The foreman pointed to his portable VHF radio and shouted, “Channel seven!”

Chief Mate changed to channel seven and said on his portable VHF radio, “This is Chief Mate of Motor Vessel Rover on channel seven.”

The foreman on the portable VHF radio said, “The ship is in the wrong position. You cannot lower the loading ramp, you must move the ship a few meters forward.”

Chief Mate said, “Ok, understood, hold on a second, I will notify the Captain.”

Chief Mate changed the frequency to our ship's operating frequency and said, “Captain, this is the Chief Mate.”

At that moment, you could see and hear the middle loading ramp starting to lower. Everybody on shore screamed and waved their hands while they ran towards the ramp.

Chief Mate shouted on the portable VHF radio: “Stop! Stop the ramp! Whoever is lowering it, stop! There are cars below or something, we can’t lower it.”

The ramp slowly but steadily continued to lower.

The port authority man honked the car horn, reached inside for the megaphone, and shouted, “Stop! Stop the ramp! Stop!”

The port authority grabbed a small, powered horn and turned it on. It was loud, almost like the ship's horn. The ramp stopped halfway down. You could see Bosun Brainless' head pop out. The people on the dock shouted and waved at Bosun Brainless. Captain Don Quixote walked out on the upper deck wearing a napkin necklace with some red stains.

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “What is this racket?”

Chief Mate said on his portable VHF radio, “Captain, we can’t lower the ramp. We are not in the correct position, there is a foreman on channel seven.”

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “What position? What are they talking about?”

The foreman from shore took the handheld megaphone from the port authority and said, “Channel seven! Channel seven!”

You could hear the Captain and the foreman speak to each other on the portable VHF radio. 2nd Mate joined us as he waved his portable VHF radio.

2nd Mate said, “Uhh man, we just need some popcorns. This is going to be fun! They are arguing as the Captain wants them to move the cars, but they say they can’t due to the policy or something.”

The 2nd Mate's portable VHF radio was set to Channel 7, and we could eavesdrop on the conversation. The port authority said, “Captain, you will move the ship. There is a clear marking where the ramp can sit on the dock, and you have a mooring bollard below your ramp, so you CANNOT stay here or lower the ramp.”

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “Ok! Ok!”

Captain Don Quixote looked agitated, and we heard his voice on the Chief Mate's portable VHF radio, “Everyone to their station, we need to move the ship a few meters forward.”

2nd Mate chuckled and went forward.

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “Let loose all headlines and stern lines; we are going to move the ship by spring lines.”

2nd Mate said on the portable VHF radio, “Let go headlines, slack spring.”

Chief Mate said on the portable VHF radio, “Let go stern lines, pull up spring.”

The winches were old and didn't have enough power to move the ship, likely because the ship was leaning on the dock fenders positioned between us and the dock. Typically, dock fenders are large, but these were small square rubber patches. Bosun Brainless stood on the half-opened loading ramp, watching the foreman to see how much more we needed to move. However, no matter how many times we tried, the winches couldn't move much; they would tighten the rope, which made a loud bang from the tension.

Bosun Brainless said on the portable VHF radio, “We are not moving.”

Chief Mate said on the portable VHF radio, “Captain, we must be leaning good at these rubber fenders, we have to move away.”

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “We need to wait half an hour because the engine was in the process of shutting down.”

Able seaman laughed. We waited for the engine to be at full power. A bit of strong wind picked up. The wind blew from the sea to the shore and pushed the ship onto the dock.

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “The engine is ready. I will now move us away a little bit from the dock.”

The ship quivered and the stern nudged away from the shore, swaying slightly to starboard due to the open side loading ramp. As it drifted a few meters from the coast, the engine was cut off, leaving the vessel vulnerable to the wind. The gusts pushed it back, and with a resounding crash, the ship collided with the shore once more.

Chief Mate said, “You see how this ship has a big superstructure from fore to aft and a low draught? We are like a tin can for the wind to play with.”

I said, “Maybe the Captain will see now how the wind affects this tin-can ship.”

Chief Mate and Able seaman chuckled and shook their heads. Soon the ship shook and moved again from the shore, only to hit it back again.

Chief Mate asked, “Why is he not using the bow thruster?”

Able seaman smiled and said, “He probably doesn’t know how to use it or even that we have it.”

Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, “Chief mate! Pull the spring, pull when we are away from the shore.”

We tried pulling, but nothing happened.

Chief Mate said, “The fore part of the ship is still leaning on the shore. How does he expect to move the ship?”

Captain Don Quixote was stubborn because he tried this maneuver three more times until the ship's plating dented in the shape of the dock fender.

Chief Mate shouted on the portable VHF radio, “Stop, Captain! We have dented the plate. This is not working.”

Captain Don Quixote walked to the bridge wing and looked at the stern. He asked on the portable VHF radio, “Why didn’t you slow the stern from hitting so hard? How bad is it?”

Able seaman did a facepalm and said, “The guy is nuts. What should we use, our hands? Or maybe throw you, Cadet, in there to soften the hit.”

Chief Mate raised his index finger close to his mouth as he looked at the able seaman to be quiet.

Chief Mate said on the portable VHF radio, “Uhh, the dent is not severe.”

Port authority on the portable VHF radio said, “We will call the tugs for you, Captain. Just wait, don’t do anything more.”

Captain Don Quixote leaned back a little bit and scratched his head. Chief Mate smiled and said, “You can guess, Cadet, who will pay for those tugs.”

The able seaman remarked, “Yup, the company will be thrilled with the Captain when they realize he's paid for the tugboats twice.”

Soon, the tugs arrived, we hooked them up, and they effortlessly moved us to the correct position. During our stay, I caught hints that everyone at the port was mocking our Captain, dubbing him “Don Quixote.” Meanwhile, our crew was in a state of silent terror, anxiously pondering what his next move would be and if it would cost us our lives.