“Alright, class, listen up. I know you are all excited about the school trip,” the teacher began, before being interrupted by a chorus of excited noises from the students. “But we all must focus on our homework for this week. It is due tonight, and I expect you all to submit your work.” She gave glances to a few people in particular, then adjusted her glasses to read something in the stack of disheveled papers she was holding. 

“We still have two days left before our school camping trip. Remember to ask your parents to sign the permission slips, and bring enough clothing and supplies for a three-day trip. Only grades 8-11 will be attending, if you have a sibling in a higher or lower grade…” The teacher continued reading out the instructions, but Rowan’s mind wandered. 

    He was thinking about what the trip might be like. Especially with his new friends, he hoped they could all go. He wondered what it would be like to sit around a campfire, to be surrounded by laughter, to see all the beautiful stars above the trees, and to feel a sort of independence there. He wondered if he could even feel this way. He looked down at his desk and bit his lip. Why did he feel bad at the thought of enjoying himself? Thoughts of laughter filled his mind, but why did it hurt to imagine himself laughing with everyone else? He heard a familiar laugh ring through his mind, though he couldn't recognize who it was from. It felt like someone he knew long ago. The past crept through his mind, but he could never really place what had happened. He felt so guilty at the thought of being happy, but why? Maybe it was a scar from the past, because of the relatives he had stayed with when he was younger. They never seemed to want or care for him. Once his therapist had talked with him for a long time about how feeling unwanted by others, especially family, can affect your mental health. If he felt like he needed to hide his emotions from family, maybe he felt like sharing his emotions was just bad in general. Even though Rowan related to that, he felt that something else was holding him back. He just couldn't remember what it was. Was it what had happened before he stayed with relatives? He had no memory of what had happened before. What happened to his real family? He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the teacher rifling through her papers.

    “The permission slips need to be turned in by tomorrow morning, or else you will not be on the list, and you will not be able to go. Any questions?” The teacher looked up, “None? Good. Class dismissed!”

     In a split second, the classroom became a rowdy mess as the students talked excitedly with each other. 

    “You’re going on the trip, right, Rowan?” Maya tapped his shoulder.

    Rowan handed her a note: PROBABLY. I HAVE TO ASK.

    “Cool, text me when you find out. I’m going to the other classroom to ask everyone else, wanna come?”

    Rowan nodded.