Gazing blankly at a blinding screen, I blink. Monitor shutting off on it's own, I decide to lie on my desk, head in my arms. Smelling musk from his sweater, I shut my eyes. Evening was upon us as my room became darker. I was tired. Not just physically, but mentally.
Even with nothing to worry, it was as if someone was talking to me. Condemning me from happiness or relaxation. Trying to understand mental concepts with morale, the easiest solution would just be slapping a label and being done with it. I wished with all my heart that one day my thoughts would fade, allowing me to enjoy life as it truly was meant to be.
Everything ruled by fear, doubt, judgement... no, I couldn't let this be.
After some time I hear gentle footsteps enter my office, eyes half lidded, I could only make a thought of being cold.
I knew I needed to sleep better, so many things in my life I knew I needed to do better-habits however, made me decide otherwise.
"My love, I'm back." The light cracking in from the door, I see the soft warmth of his face, he was bending his creaking knees, in retrospect he didn't need to but felt bending to my level was best. "Why're you sleeping here?" I shrug, holding my torso for warmth.
"I'm cold." I mutter, trying not to shiver.
"Hm, it is a chilly night. Come, I'll make you some tea before you rest." Holding out his hand, I clasp mine with his.
"Warm..." With a light chuckle, he helps me up as we head to the kitchen. I sit at the table as he boils the water in the kettle. "How was the conference?"
Sitting down, he sighs.
"It was alright, met a few people from other departments. Not exactly my idea of a fun activity on a Saturday." I nod in response.
"Anyone who gets the privilege of speaking to you is very lucky."
"You're too kind, my sweet." With a soft smile, I analyze his expression. Slight bags on his eyes, hair slightly tussled and out of uniform. This, was real. He gets up to the click of the kettle, pouring water in with a tea bag. He places it on the table in front of me, leaning on his arm as he stared in adoration.
Did I deserve this? This kindness, respite, utter tranquility.
As thought fumes mix with the steam of the tea, I sip and feel warmth. When done, I walk over to him, who was still giving that soft look. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I take a deep breath out.
"Thank you." He mutters something back, head on my chest. As I let go, he stares up, glossy blue hue. Who could deny him anything?
"Something's troubling you." He says, almost in a whisper. I nod, breathing a out a short breath. "You can always unburden yourself with me."
Expressing my feelings sometimes was easier than others. Social norms seemed more difficult when I worried. I would know what would be the right thing to do, to say, but it wouldn't come out.
"I don't feel like myself." Was the easiest way of putting it.
"I see..." I withdraw as I wipe the forming tears underneath my glasses. "Oh love... what can I do to help you?"
Amidst my tears and sniffle, I mutter. "Stay... please..." Standing, he pulls me into his chest, letting me hear his heartbeat. A steady thump and to add, tracing circles amongst my hair. Something that always calmed me down when I was young and would help me sleep.
"Let's go lay down, shall we?" I nod and we head to our room. Light on already as he had changed out of his blazer, we settle on our bed, filled with soft blankets.
Now more comfortable, I felt sleep was close. I didn't want to burden him though, certainly me a mess would take a toll on others.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper, reaching my hands to cup his face.
"You don't need to apologize my dear, I understand." Another tear drops onto my pillow. Though his face was super blurry, I could feel with my fingers his expression was earnest. "Everything will be alright. Whatever you need, I'm here." Moving closer, I press our foreheads together.
"I love you..."
"I love you too... now, you should get some rest, unless you would like to talk?"
"We can talk tomorrow, promise." Holding out my pinky, we seal our promise, a slight laugh emanating from us both.

Comments (0)
See all