After our talk, Juri, Trevor, and I had gone back to the way things had been, more or less. I had gone to class with Trevor as I had the day before, and Juri had gone off to her own classes. Eventually, lunch period came and we gathered once again in the cafeteria.

"Leave me alone or I will punch you so hard that your precious sunglasses break into at least ten pieces and your nose breaks into at least three!"

I had no idea who had shouted that, but it had clearly been a girl's voice.

"There she goes again..." Juri groaned.

"Who?" I asked.

"The resident bully, Cynthia Harding," Trevor responded. "She was born into a rich family, and they spoiled her like crazy. Now, she thinks she's too good for everyone and regularly threatens to beat people up."

I watched a boy run passed us. He had brown spikey hair and, despite the fact that we were inside, he was wearing sunglasses.

"Then again, if she was threatening Sunglasses, he probably deserved it," Juri spoke up.

"His name is 'Sunglasses'?" I questioned.

"Nah, that's just what everyone calls him. I think his real name is like... Hugh or something like that... But he's always wearing those ridiculous sunglasses, so everyone just calls him 'Sunglasses'. He apparently doesn't mind as he never corrects anyone who calls him that, even when they say it to his face."

"Either way, you don't want to get mixed up with Cynthia," Juri spoke up. "If genuinely evil people can exist, then she's one of them."

Of course, I wouldn't tell you that part of the story if something involving Cynthia hadn't come up, and oh boy, it was a doozy.

We had just sat down at our table when Cynthia came over. The first thing I noticed about her was her attire, or perhaps lack of it. She was dressed in a red strapless top that had a v-neck front. It ended just above her stomach, allowing her belly to show. She also wore a denim skirt, one that was surprisingly short. I was almost positive that her outfit was against the school's dress code, and yet, here she was dressed in it. She also had long brown hair and blue eyes.

Cynthia nearly slammed her food tray onto the table when she reached us. She then smiled and winked at me. "So, this must be the new student," she spoke sweetly. "Were you two going to give me a chance to meet her? Or were you going to hog her all to yourself?"

Juri sighed. "I knew it was only a matter of time before the resident bitch showed up."

"Excuse me?" Cynthia glared daggers at Juri. "Just because I'm not part of the 'loser crowd' doesn't make me a bitch."

"No, but calling us the 'loser crowd' does," Trevor spoke up.

"You're just upset because I refused to date you last year."

Trevor slammed his hands into the table and stood to his feet. "That has nothing to do with anything!"

"Honestly, all I wanted to do was come over and meet the new girl, maybe introduce her to possible new friends," Cynthia put her hand on her chest. "And the moment I come over, I get attacked."

"'Attacked'? You want to talk about 'attacked'?" Juri shouted. "You poured ice cold water all over me during gym! Our gym uniforms are white!"

"It was funny. People laughed."

"And they could see my boobs right through my shirt!"

Cynthia chuckled. "Not my fault you decided not to be wearing a bra at the time. Why was that, anyway?" Cynthia sneered at Juri.

"It was because your-"

"Enough!" I shouted as I slammed my hands into the table. "I don't give a fuck! You got that? I'm sure you all have your problems with each other, and I'm sure each of your complaints are entirely valid to you, but I don't fucking care!" I pointed at Cynthia. "I don't care if Julie and Trevor are part of the 'loser club' in your eyes, but they're already my friends. I'm not going to stop being friends with them just because you have an issue with them!"

"Yeah, you tell her-" Juri tried to say.

"And you two!" I pointed at Trevor then Julie. "Before I even had a chance to meet her, you started talking terribly about her! I get it, she's done horrible stuff to you, but bullying is cyclical. She bullies you, you bully her, around and around you fucking go on the Grand Bullying Merry-Go-Round! I don't know which of you started the fighting, and honestly, I don't give a fuck! I will decide what I think of someone on my own, I don't need all of you telling me who is good or who isn't. I will decide who I want to hang out with on my fucking own! You got it?"

My body shook with anger and anxiety. I wasn't even sure where the tension had come from, but it had skyrocketed fast. Unfortunately, my outburst had been loud in an area packed with people. Eyes were fixated on me, voices were whispering back and forth between each other. I began to panic, worse than I had panicked before with Juri. My vision started to blur as tears formed in my eyes.

I only remember running.

----------

"Hey, are you okay?" a girl's voice asked.

I was on the floor in the women's bathroom. I didn't remember anything of how I had gotten there or why I was on the floor. Seemingly, I had had some mind to grab my backpack, as it was on my lap when I came to. My eyes were still flooded with tears, blurring my vision, and I was sobbing uncontrollably.

The source of the voice knelt down next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay, no one's going to hurt you."

I nodded slowly. I still had no idea who was talking to me, but my mind didn't care at the time. All it wanted to do was shut down.

Have you ever seen an autistic person have such a bad anxiety attack that they completely shut down? It's not a pleasant experience, not for you or for them. They blackout, and in those blackouts, they either do something that they have no idea they're doing, or their brain completely shuts down for a split second and they collapse.

Once they recover from the blackout, what happens next depends on what caused it. In my case, because my anxiety had skyrocketed through the roof, all I could do was cry. Every single terrible thought, every single wrong thing I had done, all of it was running through my head at miles per minute. How could I have let myself get so angry? Why was I such a terrible person? Why was I even born?

Because my mind had halted all other processes save for those thoughts, I couldn't tell my mouth to speak. I couldn't utter a single word or make a single sound beyond my sobbing.

"Do you need me to get someone or something for you?" the girl asked me. "Would that help you?"

I shook my head violently, almost making myself dizzy. I tried to use my hands to gesture towards my backpack.

"Your backpack?" the girl asked.

I tried to once again gesture with my hands, trying to tell her that there was a notebook and pencil in it.

The girl opened my backpack and pulled out the items. "Do you need me to write something for you?"

I shook my head again and reached for the notebook and pencil. Once they were in my hands, I wiped the tears from my eyes in a hope to be able to see for just a moment. In the period before more tears blurred my visions, I wrote: "I'm sorry, I'm autistic, and I just had a severe panic attack. I can't speak verbally right now."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that." The girl slid next to me, then put an arm around me. "It's okay. You have nothing to be afraid of. I'll sit here with you until you calm down, is that okay?"

I nodded and leaned against her. I wiped my eyes again, trying to get a look at the girl for just a moment. I was able to recognize her, but from where? I couldn't remember, my mind wouldn't let me think.

The girl pulled me close, pressing my head against her chest. Was this what a real girl's breast felt like? It was so soft, so warm. It felt so inviting, like I could relax. For the briefest of moments, my mind allowed me to calm. In that moment, the exhaustion I had felt all day took its chance to catch up to me.

I cried until I fell asleep.