It had been a week, and Harriet had not reached out to speak with me. I caught glimpses of her while she was at work at the shelter, but I can tell she isn't ready to talk to me. I am trying my best not to feel hopeless about my situation. It's difficult because I had assumed Harriet would be there to help me find my way home, but I might have to do this on my own.

While I was at work, I was usually too busy to think about Harriet much. I liked those days better than the ones I didn't have work. I also got to see Alicia and Mateo while I was at work. Alicia and I ended up getting into the habit of going out for a drink after our shifts on Friday nights. We would order drinks and talk about customers, coworkers, or sometimes she would talk about her family. Alicia was a mom of two sons, 8 and 10. She loved her family. It was nice to hear a mom talk about her kids so much. People from my home did not show affection for their own kids the way that Alicia did. Or at least no one that I had met growing up had parents like that. I listened to her stories, laughed at the antics her kids got into, and gushed at pictures of them that she would show me. They were lucky to have such a great mom. 

I was looking forward to this Friday night more than I usually did. I was excited to have some time with friends. Once Friday arrived, I started to feel just a little bit better. I walked into work with Mateo. He was telling me about something he had read about online. He spent lots of time in Reddit forums and had theories to share with me about all sorts of things. I listened to them and normally just nodded in agreement with what they said. He and I were still practicing Spanish once a week, and afterward going to his apartment to watch anime. It turns out that I really like anime. The characters are all acting in extremes, but I am almost a bit jealous because the heightened emotions seemed preferable to the harsh reality of the world. It was a form of wish fulfillment for me while we watched them. As Mateo and I got ready to separate and go to our separate spots at work, I felt a pang of anxiety. It had felt so relaxing to spend time with him. Even if it was only a few minutes of us walking to work together. 

The rest of Friday night, I worked without much interruption to my routine. I had been at Cielito Lindo for a few months. I had gotten used to the menu, the types of questions I'm normally asked, what types of things I should suggest, and what to prioritize when things get busy. I had been seeing a rise in my tips. This meant that my plans to move out of the shelter were finally within reach. I had hoped that Harriet would help find me somewhere to live, but it seems like that is another thing I need to figure out myself. I remind myself that I have been doing a decent job of taking care of myself.

 My family would be shocked to see me functioning so independently. My mind stops on my family again. It's weird, I miss them. I guess I miss the familiarity of them. Everything was unknown to me in this place. Back home, I had my family telling me what to do for my future. Now, I have no one telling me what to do. I missed that, someone else making all these hard decisions for me. I think about Raella, and I stop in my pacing through the restaurant. I wonder if she and Galenus had been having a happy marriage. I don't know what would be worse, if my sister stole my life only to be miserable, or if she stole my life only to live it better than I ever would have. I wish I could talk to someone about all these complicated emotions, but I have to continue to keep my identity and past a secret.

Alicia and I walk out of work at the end of our shifts. We head over to a nearby bar. It's called Carl's Place. We come to this bar together because it's normally not busy and we can find somewhere to sit, even when we come after finishing our shifts late. We also know that Fridays are the day when Carl's Place does 2-dollar Tecates, Alicia's favorite beer. I walk to the bar to order because Alicia and I have taken turns each Friday to pay for our drinks. I ordered two Tecates and returned to Alicia with the foamy golden glasses. A smile breaks out across her face as I approach. She taps her fingers on the table a bit to a beat just in her head. I put the glass in front of her, and she starts drinking. We normally do two drinks and then head to our homes. 

Tonight I still feel upset about Harriet. After a few minutes talking about what happened at work that day, I sat back and started drinking my drink. Alicia could sense something was off. "What's up?" I was desparte to get some advice about Harriet. "I got in a fight with Harriet this week." Alicia leans forward with interest, "Oh! Your bestie? I guess I haven't seen her stop by this week to eat. It must have been a pretty serious fight." I nod my head. After another sip of the beer, I continue, "I told Harriet something I haven't been able to tell anyone else. And she didn't take it well." Alicia has slipped into psychiatrist mode, "Oh. It must be something about your family. I have always been so curious. You always listen to me talk about mine, but I still haven't heard anything about yours. What did she do?" My eyes start to tear up a bit. I can't believe Alica has picked up on so much. Even with things I don't say, she still notices things. I feel overwhelmed that I have another good friend. I don't know if the tears are sad because of Harriet or happy because of Alicia. "It was about my family. And where I came from. But she simply got up, said she needed a minute, and left. I am so worried that she won't be my friend. What should I do? It's not like I can take back the truth. I am just so sad without her. She has been the thing that has made staying in LA bearable." I stop there. I don't want to spiral. 

Alicia stands up and comes over to hug me. It feels so warm and comforting. It just makes me cry more. She waits until I calm down to return to her seat. Once she does, she gives me some advice, "Harriet doesn't seem like the type of person to judge someone based on their past. I bet whatever it was, she just needed a few days to come to terms with the fact that whatever you told her, you hadn't shared with her until now. I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. You will most likely experience her glorious return soon. She seems like a very loyal person."

Alicia was right. Harriet is a loyal person. I should trust her to come back even after our break. I need to have more faith in my friendship. I can feel some of the stress leave my body as I resign myself to give her enough time and space. I just never had a friend or relationship with someone who wasn't my family or paid to be there for me. I am in uncharted territory. After all of this, I realize that I have already made my way through two beers. But I am not ready to go back home yet. I ask Alica if she wants to go for another two rounds. She pats my arm and says, "Of course!" And so we spend the rest of the night until closing time drinking and talking. I am so grateful to have a full-fledged support network in this new world. 

Alicia and I walk outside at closing time. It's super late. We normally go home much earlier than this. I am also a bit drunk. Nothing crazy, but enough that I am starting to feel vulnerable. Alicia asks me if I want to share an Uber with her, but I feel so bad about having kept Alicia out of her family that I tell her to go ahead and leave without me. Alicia seems uncomfortable with this suggestion. Just as I start looking down the street that I normally walk home on, I hear, "SMITH?!" I look back towards where the voice came from, and I see Mateo walking home. I am shocked to see Mateo right now. A big smile breaks across Alicia's face.  We talk for a few minute,s and then Alicia asks him, "Could you walk Olivia home? I don't feel good about letting her walk in the dark when she's been drinking." Mateo agreed. After that, I was on my way home with Mateo.

Mateo had earbuds in while he was walking. As we started walking again, he offered to share one with me. I looked a bit confused by what he meant, but I agreed. Mateo then took one out of his ear, reached over to my face, pushed some hair that was in front of my ear back, and then put the earbud in my ear. He stared straight at me and asked, "Do you hear the music?" I did. The music was so nice to have. I didn't want to overshare with Mateo, and after a few drinks, I was sure to say something I would regret to him. We walked next to each other, listening to his music until we made it back to my place. Mateo once again reached over and took the earbud out and put it back in his ears. He smiled at me. 

I was about to walk in when he asked, "Hey, Smith. Before you go. When do you want the next Spanish lesson?" My eyes look him over. He has always been so helpful. He walks me home, he talks to me at work, he's teaching me Spanish, and he has invited me to his house to watch videos. I am so grateful for him. I had originally been afraid that he would end up like Nolan. But after weeks of being together, Mateo and I have never touched. My cheeks started to get warm just thinking about him. After a minute, I responded, "I don't know. I have to wait until things are smoothed over with Harriet. She normally drove me to the cafe. But she and I are not talking right now." Mateo's face instantly switches from playful to concerned. "Is everything okay? What happened?, he asks seriously. 

Before I can stop myself, I overshare my life story. "I told her about my family. And she got upset. Which is understandable. But it still hurts. I can't help it that my sister stole my husband and then killed me. And that brought me here to Los Angeles." I realized as soon as I said it that what I said was a mistake. I try to think of a way to play this off as a joke, but Mateo simply responds, "That is some serious, telenovela shit. I didn't realize your family was so fucked up." I look at him without saying more. He asks, "Can I give you a hug?" I nod. Again, without even thinking it through. But Mateo puts his arms around me and hugs me. I can smell him as he does, and he smells so good. I rest my face on his shoulder while we hug. I thought it would feel weird, but I liked getting another hug today. While he was hugging me, he whispered in my ear, "I actually like you more after hearing about your family." How can he be so calm about everything? It's a mystery to me. The hug finally ends, and we look at each other again. Mateo says, "I'm going home. But don't worry about Harriet. I bet she will be back by your side in no time. And she will like you even more for sharing the truth with her, just like I did." Mateo watched me open the door for the shelter and then left.