Emilio Francine De Ramos

The sun spilled into my room the next morning, pale and soft, diffusing through the blinds like it had no business being so gentle after the mess of the night before. I sat up, groggy, my body still heavy with the remnants of a fitful sleep. My mind wandered back to Yuwan, the fight, and that strange mixture of guilt and anger that still bubbled beneath my skin.

My phone buzzed on the nightstand, the screen lighting up with a message from Silas. I reached for it, my fingers hesitating over the screen for just a second before I tapped to open the text.

Silas: Hey, you alright? I didn’t mean to drop all that on you the other night. Let’s talk when you’re ready.

I stared at the words for a moment, my heart tightening. Silas didn’t know about the conversation with Yuwan this morning. Didn’t know how, in the space of one conversation, something had shattered between me and Yuwan that I wasn’t sure could ever be fixed.

I didn’t respond right away. Instead, I dropped the phone back on the bed and pulled on a hoodie. The air in my dorm felt too thick, too close. I needed to get out, to think, or at least pretend to. I grabbed my keys and headed out into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind me with a soft click.

The campus was quiet, the usual buzz of students on their way to class not yet in full swing. It was early still, the kind of early where the sky was washed out and the air still carried the chill of the night. I wandered aimlessly, my feet carrying me across the empty quad, past the library, and toward the small café near the art building.

Inside, the familiar smell of coffee and freshly baked pastries wrapped around me like a blanket. It was warm, comforting, and for a second, it felt like the world outside didn’t exist, the fights, the confusion, the tension. I ordered a coffee and found a quiet corner by the window, sinking into one of the plush chairs with a heavy sigh.

As I stared out the window, my mind circled back to Yuwan. The look on his face when he’d asked me to stop seeing Silas, the way his voice had cracked with something like desperation. I could still hear it, lingering in the back of my mind like a stubborn echo. He didn’t have the right to ask that of me. He didn’t. But I couldn’t shake the guilt that sat in my chest, a quiet, nagging ache that I couldn’t quite place.

The bell above the café door jingled, and I glanced up instinctively. My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw Yuwan walk in. He hadn’t spotted me yet, his gaze fixed on the counter as he ordered a drink. I could’ve slipped out unnoticed, but instead, I stayed rooted to my seat, watching him with a strange sense of detachment. He looked tired, the bruise on his cheek darker in the morning light. His shoulders were tense, like he was carrying the weight of the world on them. Part of me wanted to reach out, to apologize, to fix whatever had broken between us, but the other part, the part still angry from our argument, kept me silent.

Yuwan’s gaze finally swept the café, and when his eyes landed on me, his expression shifted. Surprise, maybe. Or hesitation. He looked like he was debating whether to come over, and I could almost see the internal struggle playing out behind his eyes.

He didn’t make me wait long. After a moment, he crossed the room, his movements slow, deliberate, like he wasn’t sure what to expect from me. He sat down across from me without asking, setting his coffee on the table between us. The silence stretched out, thick and uncomfortable.

“You didn’t answer my text,” Yuwan said, finally breaking the quiet.

I raised an eyebrow. “You texted me?”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice flat. “This morning. After I left your dorm.”

“I didn’t see it,” I lied. The truth was I had seen it, but I couldn’t bring myself to respond after everything that had happened.

Yuwan nodded, his fingers wrapping around his coffee cup. He looked down at it for a moment, like he was gathering his thoughts before he spoke again.

“I meant what I said earlier,” he started, his voice quiet but firm. “About Silas.”

I groaned internally, already dreading where this conversation was going. “Yuwan, I don’t want to have this conversation again.”

“I know you don’t,” he said, his tone edging on frustration, “but I need you to hear me out, okay?”

I didn’t respond, just crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair, waiting for him to continue.

He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly. “Silas... you’ve only known him for a while and I think you shouldn’t take things too fast. He may not be good for you.”

“Really?” I shot back, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “And what exactly makes you the authority on who’s good for me?”

Yuwan flinched, but he didn’t back down. “I’m not trying to control you, okay? I’m trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?” I leaned forward, my anger flaring again. “From Silas? The guy who’s been there for me when you weren’t?”

Yuwan’s face twisted in frustration. “You don’t know him, Emil. What if he suddenly develops feelings for you? What if in the end, he will be someone who will— ”

“Who will what?” I challenged, my voice rising. “Use me? I know he will never do that to me but what about you?”

Yuwan hesitated, his eyes flickering with something, uncertainty, maybe. “J-just don’t get too close with him, Emil. You need to trust me on this.”

“Trust you?” I let out a bitter laugh. “Trust you, after the way you acted last night? After you tried to start a fight in the middle of a restaurant because you can’t handle the fact that I have someone who’s with me that isn’t you?”

“That’s not what this is about,” Yuwan said through gritted teeth, his hands clenched into fists on the table.

“Then what is it about, Yuwan?” I demanded. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks a lot like jealousy.”

“I’m not jealous,” he snapped, but the way his voice wavered told a different story.

“Then why are you so obsessed with me staying away from Silas?” I asked, my voice softening just a little. “Why does it matter so much to you?”

Yuwan looked away, his jaw tight. “It just feels like it.”

“That’s not an answer,” I said quietly. “You can’t just say ‘stop seeing him’ and expect me to follow along. I’m not a kid anymore, Yuwan. You can’t just tell me what to do.”

His eyes snapped back to mine, a mixture of frustration and something else, something I couldn’t quite place, flickering in his gaze. “I’m not trying to control you, Emil. I’m trying to protect you.”

“From what?” I asked, my voice soft but insistent. “From getting close to someone who isn’t you?”

Yuwan’s expression faltered for a second, something like pain flashing across his face, but he quickly masked it with anger. “This isn’t about me.”

“Then stop making it about you,” I shot back. “Stop trying to insert yourself into every decision I make like you have some kind of claim over me.”

“I don’t have a claim over you,” Yuwan said, his voice rising with frustration. “But I care about you, okay?”

“Then why can’t you just be happy for me?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly. “Why can’t you just let me live my life without trying to interfere?”

“Because you’re making a mistake,” Yuwan said, his voice dropping to something softer, almost pleading. “And I can’t just sit back and watch you get hurt.”

I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest. There was something raw in his voice, something that made it hard for me to stay angry, even though I wanted to. Even though I had every right to. But I couldn’t let him keep doing this. I couldn’t let him keep trying to control my life just because he was scared of losing me.

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, Yuwan,” I said quietly. “You don’t get to tell me who I can or can’t see. Not anymore.”

Yuwan stared at me, his expression conflicted. For a moment, it looked like he might argue, but then he just sighed, leaning back in his chair.

“I’m not trying to lose you, Emil,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I feel like I already have.”

The weight of his words hit me hard, and for a moment, I didn’t know what to say. There was a part of me that wanted to reach out, to tell him that he hadn’t lost me, that we could still fix this. But there was another part, an even larger part, that knew things would never be the same between us.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Yuwan,” I said finally, my voice hollow. “But this? This isn’t what I wanted. I know we shouldn’t fight over this but I feel like you're hovering over me.”

“I just want to make sure you were okay. That you didn’t feel alone,” he admitted, his voice barely audible, like the words hurt to say out loud.

The vulnerability in his voice cracked something inside me. For all the resentment I’d been holding, I realized Yuwan wasn’t trying to control me, he was trying to stay connected. Maybe he was just as scared of the distance between us as I was.

I looked down at my hands, unsure of how to bridge the gap that had grown between us. “I don’t want to feel alone either,” I whispered. “But I don’t know how to do this... not with everything changing.”

He didn’t respond, just stared down at his coffee, his shoulders slumping in defeat. The silence between us stretched out, heavy and suffocating.

The next few days felt like walking through the ruins of an earthquake, where everything still stood in place but was fundamentally altered, cracks hidden just beneath the surface, waiting to widen. Yuwan’s departure left an ache I couldn’t quite place, a silence that stretched between thoughts, growing louder every time I tried to convince myself I didn’t care.

I woke up late, the sun streaming through my half-closed blinds, casting thin rays across my desk cluttered with books and empty cups. Silas had texted me earlier, asking if I wanted to hang out. It was tempting. After everything, I wanted an escape, a distraction. But instead of replying, I just stared at the message on my phone, thumb hovering over the screen, mind drifting to Yuwan again.

He wasn’t at fault for everything, I knew that. And yet, his words kept playing in my head: ‘I just don’t want you to get hurt.’ As much as I hated to admit it, part of me knew he had meant it, even if he didn’t have the right to say it the way he did. The thought gnawed at me.

That afternoon, I gave in and met Silas at the park. We sat by the edge of the lake where the water lapped lazily against the rocks, a breeze ruffling the amber leaves hanging loosely from the trees. A group of kids ran through the grass nearby, their laughter carrying across the cool air. It was the kind of day that should’ve felt peaceful. But it didn’t.

“You’ve been quiet.” Silas leaned back on his hands, tilting his head toward me. “Still thinking about the other night?”

I shrugged, kicking a small stone into the water. “Yeah. I guess.”

Silas frowned. “Look, I know Yuwan got under your skin. That’s what people like him do, they push until they break something.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But you don’t owe him anything, Emil. Not your guilt, not your time.”

His words landed heavily, and for a second, I wanted to believe him, to let it be that simple. But the gnawing doubt remained, like an itch I couldn’t scratch.

“It’s not just that,” I admitted, voice low. “He said some things… things that I can’t stop thinking about.”

Silas’s jaw tightened. “Like what?”

I hesitated, unsure how to explain the tangled mess of emotions without making everything worse. “He doesn’t want me to hang out with you.”

Silas snorted, the sound sharp and bitter. “Of course, he doesn’t. He probably thinks I’m a bad influence or some nonsense like that.”

“He didn’t say that exactly.”

“But it’s what he meant,” Silas said, his voice hardening. “People like him always think they know what’s best for everyone else. It’s bullshit.”

His frustration flared so suddenly that it startled me. I shifted uncomfortably on the bench, fingers curling around the hem of my hoodie.

“Look, it doesn’t matter,” I said, trying to diffuse the tension. “I told him he doesn’t get to decide who I see.”

Silas relaxed slightly, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Good. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

I forced a smile, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes.

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