The days bled into each other, dragging me further from the chaos of that night but leaving its echoes behind. Yuwan didn’t call or text, not that I expected him to. But the silence gnawed at me, like an unanswered question hanging in the air.

One evening, I found myself scrolling aimlessly through old messages on my phone, rereading conversations with Yuwan. Some were recent, filled with small, everyday things, ‘Hey, want to grab coffee? Good luck on the exam.’ Others were older, fragments of something that had once felt like more than friendship.

There were hints of it everywhere, in the way his messages lingered late at night, in the inside jokes that no one else would understand. But now those moments felt distant, like echoes from another life. I shut my phone off and tossed it onto the bed, frustration welling up inside me. I hated that I missed him. I hated that it still mattered. And most of all, I hated that I didn’t know how to let go.

The next time I saw Yuwan, it wasn’t planned. I was walking back from class, earbuds in, when I spotted him across the quad. He was sitting on one of the low brick walls, headphones over his ears, staring absently at his phone. I slowed, unsure whether to keep walking or stop. But before I could decide, Yuwan looked up, and his eyes locked onto mine.

For a moment, neither of us moved. It felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of us, the space between us humming with all the things left unsaid. Then Yuwan pulled his headphones off and gave me a small, hesitant smile. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to pull me closer, against my better judgment.

“Emil,” I said awkwardly, shoving my hands into my pockets.

“Yuwan,” he echoed, his voice softer than I expected.

We stood there in awkward silence, the weight of everything that had happened pressing down on us.

“I was going to text you,” Yuwan said eventually, though the apology was unspoken in his tone.

“Really?” I gave a small shrug. “Why didn’t you?”

He looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “I… I didn’t know what to say.”

I nodded, understanding more than I wanted to. 

Another beat of silence stretched between us, heavy and uncomfortable.

“I meant what I said,” Yuwan murmured, glancing up at me through his lashes. “About not wanting you to get hurt.”

I exhaled, running a hand through my hair. “I know. But that’s not your job, Yuwan. I get to make my own mistakes.”

His lips pressed into a thin line, like he wanted to argue but knew it wouldn’t change anything.

“I just...” He trailed off, searching for the right words. “I don’t want to lose you, Emil.” The raw honesty in his voice made my chest ache.

“You already did,” I whispered, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

Yuwan’s face crumpled for a moment, the hurt flashing in his eyes before he masked it with a tight nod. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I guess I did.”

Later that night, as I sat on the edge of my bed, I replayed the conversation in my head, trying to make sense of it all. The ache in my chest hadn’t gone away, but it felt different now, like a wound finally beginning to heal.

I picked up my phone and typed out a message to Silas.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

The reply came almost instantly.

“Always.”

I smiled, a small, tentative thing. Maybe things were still messy. Maybe they always would be.

But for the first time in a long while, I felt like I was finally moving forward.