Just so we're clear, as I pen this down I'm not really sure what exactly I'm about to write. Woke up this morning, got water, entered the toilet and as I sat on the toilet seat —of course while doing some business, barely mine, if you know what I'm saying— I had this idea. 

"Have a Dear Diary"

Now, I'm like 'Woah', or not, don't get me wrong. But it's just basically having a 'dear diary' book — a Webnovel— maybe I'm supposed to sulk here or something, but I guess I'll know as I go.

Quite the thing don't you think? The whole 'as I go' thing, I mean, one moment you want to be in charge of your life, then later, or 'as you go' you discover, it mostly is really an 'as you go' movement. 

Your A's don't add up, your B's look like a joke, and before you know it, you don't even get the regular thoughts of "You wouldn't make it" or "You wouldn't succeed", it literally begins to sound more like "It'd be a joke, bothering with things to cook you up with".

I don't even know if that was supposed to be funny. 

You know there's also this talk of "No one's coming to save you". Just think about it, you're in a tight spot, or maybe pondering on whatever it is that flys into your mind that moment, or something that's been bothering you, the cliche being, you know, your life not going as planned, and you really need that nudge or a little help talk or just an "I'm here for you" sorta something, and BOOM, you're on someone's status and you're seeing "No one's coming to save you"

And you're like —with a meeh face of course, because you're probably already exhausted— "Jeez... " And something in your head wants to be like "I already know" but then, it don't really add up.

I need that help, I mean I get the whole "Stand up and do something" the whole "Be diligent and consistent, and being on the go". Yeah, all this. But still, I want help. I'm not saying I want to be useless — I mean we're already on that battle— but my heart wants to know I'm not alone, even my brain seems to need it. 

I believe in God by the way. And yes, even though there's the God factor, I still do want someone to say, you can do this — even if I'm not sure what I'm doing. Maybe just a word to feel alive or useful.

Funny...now I'm sulking.

Alright... Let's try this again.

Dear Diary 

I have a name, and I'm 24. Funny story. Once upon a time, you know, I'm November-born. So once upon a time, or many atimes upon this once, I never spare any moment in arguing with people, about how as long as I've crossed into a year, be it the January, I'm a fully fledged—urm this is the point where I'm looking for the right word, I think I've messed up my entire sentence line up — 'Yearer'. That barely made sense.

Arguing and dragging whenever I was asked my age —even though I was way far from my birth month — was a norm for me, and a thing of joy. 

So we're in 2016 and you ask my age, or the most common one, my big sis rubbing it, or trying to rub it on my face how much older than me she is. Now I'm a year behind whatever year we're in, so 2016 I'm supposed to be 15, or at least 15 when we hit November. But never, when have I ever agreed to such mistreatment and 'misconduction' of my age right? 

So technically and obviously and 'whateverly' I would never agree to be 14, I'd say I'm 15, so long as we've entered January, or let's say I try to be considerate, then I'll wait perhaps till March, but that'd be a long wait, but if it does happen then I wasn't paying much attention that year. 

But you know what's the funny thing now Dear Diary...?

I'm 24, but I barely say that out loud. I now try to be 23 for as long as I can be, till November hits me and makes me have no other choice, but to be 24.

And you know what's the sorta scary thing? Is that I'm moving, and yet I don't see what I'm doing.

Of course if 'life' went the way I thought It'd have gone, I'd have been graduated by now. Of course there's no telling what would have happened afterwards, seeing how 'life' likes showing itself. But if the script kept playing out, I would be on my flying horses. 

But guess what, and I say 'guess what' with me laughing — of course I can't laugh out loud or too loud, cause it past 12 right now, and I'm not alone, story for another day— , well guess what... I'm just starting Uni or College, whichever makes you feel funky, or me funky, and what's really funny is —you haven't still guessed but— I've eaten my school fees. 

Haha, I'm really laughing right now, you wouldn't believe it. I mean, as if life hasn't been life enough, I finally get into school, and I wonderfully ate my school fees. Like the entire thing, urm Three Hundred and Twenty Thousand K . 

And now here's the thing, I have to raise it or get it soonest or I probably won't be able to continue, and no, there's no student loan option, cause I'm not even a student yet. 

Haha. But please don't get me wrong I'm not that sort of person. You know the type you've probably painted me out to be just now. 

There's a story behind each of these things, being barely a student yet, eating the fees — but then thinking about it, I don't even think student loan think might work in this school, oh boy.

Well I'll get to everything, hopefully, 'as we go' , but I had a target of a thousand word, and I've hit it, and I'm tired, also I think I have a movie to catch before bed. I hope I pray tonight. 

So Dear Diary, I'll see you tomorrow, and I also have a book I'm working on, I'll talk about it 'as we go' I guess, so as...we...go...