Autumn 1077 of the Mero's Calendar

Nibotus already knows something’s wrong, but he has the confirmation in the frozen smile of Anel as she opens the door. It isn’t just the tiredness of a parent plagued by the lack of sleep as their infant screams the growth of new teeth. There’s a hint of worry in her eyes. A tense line of anxiety near her lips. 

- King Nibotus! Is that not dangerous for you to travel alone?

- I guessed the farmers would be too preoccupied with the last harvest to lose their time with me. Would ya mind if I enter?

- Oh, please, do! Actually, you are in luck, my husband just came back home five days ago and, well, I am sure he would have visited you sooner if it had not been for that bedredding sickness you got.

Nibotus doesn’t have the heart to correct her that he had been, in fact, between life and death because of an attempted murder on his person. She will know soon enough when it’s time to sit down for supper and the conversation will inevitably go about what everyone had been up to those past weeks. Instead, he follows her into the vast dining room of their villa, made to receive lots of important people at the same time, but looking so ridiculously empty when he’s the only guest. 

Fondness falls onto Nibotus’ heart like warm summer rain when he sees Suzir sitting at the end of the table, surrounded by papers and books, face ever so serious as he writes. Normally, the general would keep his work at his desk, mindful of hiding political secrets away from the eyes. Moving it to the dining room means he had hopes for Nibotus to visit, instead of leaving him chatting with Anel before joining them to eat. But as the king expects joy in being finally reunited, he’s met with sadness in those fern eyes as they look up from papers, resignation as Suzir stands up to politely welcome the Kars in his home. The calculated distance is like going back months in the past, and the confusion hurts Nibotus immediately. 

- I am sure you both have a lot to talk about. I will be in the lounge with Sival if you ever need me before supper.

Ever so attuned to social and emotional shifts, Anel graciously leaves them, but it only makes the air feel more suffocating with uncertainty. Something must have happened while Suzir was away, and Nibotus can’t resist the urge to wrap his arms around the man’s shoulders. He hates the stiffness found in his lover's muscles, but Suzir doesn't push him away, so at least he isn't mad at him for an obscure reason.

- What’s troublin ya, m’love? Did some Mero find out and want to separate us?

Suzir’s shaved cheek is incredibly soft against Nibotus’s palm, and his eyelids flutter briefly in confusion at the king’s words before responding to the negative. That’s a relief, but not enough, as the man still looked plagued by melancholy. 

- I bring back troubling news. Father does not want to wait any longer. We need to march south at the end of this moon.

- This close to the cold seasons? As he lost his mind!?

- There’s no snow this much south, only rain… 

- As if mud’ll not make travelin insufferable. 

- Nibotus, please. Do not make this more difficult than it already is. That is an order from the Emperor, and so that is what needs to be done, at the best of our capacities.

The general’s hand closes on the Kars’ one to lower it, but doesn’t linger by tangling their fingers together, and at this point Nibotus is getting way more anxious about the lack of affection than he is about the upcoming war. The violence of battles is not that terrifying when you know you can count on the people at your side. But if Suzir starts to doubt him, or worse even, starts to resent him for failing their relationship, then what could stop him from sending the Kars to their death? 

No, he has promised himself not to fall into that paranoia again, and so he crushes the thought the moment it shows its ugly head. But as he’s thinking of a way to make Suzir open up to him, the man’s already putting more distance between them, focusing back on his papers. Nibotus knows it’s his way of hiding his uncertainty, acting busy to escape direct eye contact. But the Kar doesn’t need to look into green irises to see the pain in them, always so attentive to the man’s subtle nonverbal that he can detect his mood in the barely perceptible tremble of his fingers or the tension in his shoulders. If Suzir has been angry, or even irritated, it would have shown in the hardness of his jaw, but that isn’t the case. 

- I hope your chiefs are ready for the war? I know you had ample time those past weeks to consolidate your relationships with them.

And just like that, the tension snaps as Nibotus not only realises what’s the cause of Suzir’s sudden change in attitude, but breaks into disbelieved laughter at the burning memory of what happened with Mivaren. The confusion in Suzir’s eyes brings back another torrent of fondness in his veins as he walks to the general and takes his hand again, putting it on his neck in a clear show of trust.

- Suzir, one of my chiefs strangled me when I announced I would put a stop to any physical relationship with them, because I love ya so much.

A myriad of microexpressions cross Suzir's face, too quickly to be able to analyze. But worries seem to win the battle in a small frown of his eyebrows, and a thumb gently caressing Nibotus’ neck, smoothing an injury that has been resolved a long time ago. So Nibotus tells about Majen, and how it convinced him to take the week to talk individually to each of his chiefs. About the battle with Mivaren, and how Wolf saved his life. About the decision he had to make concerning the Bear chief, knowing that another war was upon them, even though he had hoped it would've come with spring instead. 

Suzir listens to him, in that intense focus that Nibotus loves so much, and it's getting difficult to finish his tale as he wants so badly to kiss him. Then finally, the general sighs, and in a rare moment of vulnerability, lets his cheek fall against the Kar's shoulder as his body presses against him. 

- I thought… so many wrong things when you let me go back without you. That I was just another conquest, and that I would have to deal with sharing you equally with so many other people. I had tried to reason myself that it was your culture, and that I knew what I was getting myself into from the start, but it… it hurt more than I was willing to admit myself. As much as I try to be strong and detached like a general needs to be, I… I am not my father. I cannot stop letting my emotions and hopes get the better of me.

- Blessed be the spirits for that. 

And lifting Suzir’s chin with tender fingers, Nibotus finally seels their lips together. To his surprise, the general is quick to respond in an almost desperate manner, deepening the kiss and gripping at him with the strength of someone never wanting to let go. But as much as Nibotus loves this rare show of impulsivity, they soon need to part before losing any more control, the diner room being less than safe for more physical activities. Even then, Suzir still refuses to let go of his embrace, his face burying once again into the crook of the Kar’s neck.

- You deserve my apologies for acting so coldly when you arrived. I was… I was foolishly preparing myself to break this relationship with you and not show how strongly that act would have destroyed me.

- What? Why did ya wish to do that?

Nibotus’ fingers lost themselves into the short dark curls of Suzir, his voice in a low whisper to show he wasn’t angry at learning this fact, only dismayed by it. 

- Like I said, I had misunderstood the nature of your affection, and thought it wasn’t as deep as mine. So to cut myself more harm and quickly get back to a more level headed space before the war, it seemed the best solution to crush this relationship before it gets too serious.

- Instead of asking me my intentions beforehand?

- I… You could have lied…

- Ya really think so?

- No. Of course not. Not you. I am sorry it even crossed my mind.

- Not ya fault ya dad made ya paranoid.

- Maybe, but it is still not an excuse I want to hide behind. I am my own man, I should be able to take his teaching and only apply it when it is beneficial. 

Suzir lifts his head again, looking in his eyes with this so alluring determination, and Nibotus can’t stop himself from stealing another kiss, his hands caressing the hollow of his lover’s back just to watch him tremble with desire. Such sadness is the cold of this season, to force such a beautiful man in his wool toga instead of his linen one. The Kar loved to feel the warmth of his skin under such thin layers of clothes…

- So sorry to interrupt you two, but the servants will soon come with our meals, and I do not think you would appreciate them breaking this intimate moment.

Still not accustomed to the quietness of the Mero and their ability to sneak so easily from one room to the other, Nibotus jumps at the sudden voice of Anel behind him, which triggers the gentle laugh of the women and the amused smile of her husband. In the arms of her mother, Sival lets out a delighted shrill as she recognizes Nibotus, her chubby little hands grasping air in his direction in a clear demand to switch carriers. The king obliges, of course, because nobody could resist such charms, and is immediately rewarded by a strong tug on his braided beard. Since the Kar is used to it by then, he barely acknowledges the act, his stare falling instead on Anel’s face to see the clear relief in her eyes, blessed be her soul. 

The rest of the evening is uneventful, as both men make sure not to weigh down the joyful atmosphere with discussions of war and murder. There will be enough to say about this tomorrow, when they will be stuck in Suzir’s office, talking strategies and supplies while Nibotus painstakingly goes back to learn how to read and write. Instead, they talk about kids and how fast they learn, or about the success of the Kars with growing their own vegetables and how they could use it in new recipes. 

Meanwhile, servants come and go with their plates, leaving Nibotus with a feeling of unease that he cannot shake even after all these months. Suzir had explained during his first visit that the practice came from the bygone time when Meros had slaves, but since those had been prohibited four centuries ago following a violent insurrection, it is now paid employees that help with the daily chores of the rich and powerful. Nothing to make Nibotus more comfortable with their quiet presence, quite the contrary in fact, but the Kar had judged it more prudent to bite his tongue about the subject. 

As plates are emptied, the servants finally disappear into the rest of the house, leaving Nibotus just enough time to steal a kiss on Suzir’s hand as the man passes behind him to go put his daughter to sleep. Once again, Anel asks if he would not prefer to stay the night in one of their guest bedrooms, but the king declines, even if the temptation is there. The woman might not be against their relationship, it is still entirely disrespectful to take more of her husband’s time away from her, and thus the Kar takes his leave to go sleep into the small quarters Suzir had left him in his office. Once again both at the main door, Nibotus briefly turns to Anel for two quick pecks on the cheeks as thanks for receiving him without notice. Now used to the Kars’ customs, the woman hugs him tightly in return.

- Suzir is a complex man. As much as I try, I know there are parts of him I cannot understand. But with you, I know we can unload all the burden off his shoulders. So I am glad you both made up.

Her smile is honest as she lets him go. Under the cloudy night sky, the streets are deserted, and in the cold wind of rain soon to come, the king makes the silent promise to do everything in his power so that Anel will see her husband come back from the war.