Sure enough, it’s the second joker. This is about to be very funny.

“...do you think you’re being discreet?” The jester muses. “But there’s no way you actually have the second one. Perhaps you’re trying to fool me, hm? Attempting to fool the fool himself is certainly a bold move, but I’ll just as certainly comply. Shall I begin guessing?”

This little act of his is fascinating. I never expected that the beautiful boy I grew up not knowing would behave like this at all… it’s fun.

“Of course. Guess away.” I smile, which I don’t do very often because I hate the way my face scrunches up. But he seems to delight in it, smiling back with a more real expression than the silly facade he’s been using.

“Oh, yes? Then… diamonds this time?”

“Do you always start with diamonds?” 

“I suppose that means you don’t have them.” He studies my face.

“Are you insinuating that my financial status is low?”

“Are you making an attempt to entertain the crowd? Because you’re doing a splendid job. How would you like to join the circus?”

I know he’s joking, but for a split second, I wish he wasn’t. 

“Very funny. You were born for this job.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m a clown?” He mocks my earlier remark.

“What gave it away?” He’s about to retort again when I realize that there’s still a crowd watching us. “Keep guessing.”

“Why? I already know it’s the joker.” His green eyes lock onto mine. I thought he was set on his notion of my deception, but apparently not. 

“What makes you so sure?”

He steps closer, again watching my facial expressions closely. I stare right back as he leans in to whisper in my ear. “Simply because I know you, Haruka. You think you’re the only one who saw? You know that isn’t true…” 

My name. That’s my name. I haven’t heard it said like that… maybe ever. God, I’m easy to manipulate. I stare at the audience, having turned away so he can’t see my face anymore. I look over the various expressions visible to me past the blinding stage lights. I watch a few audience members whispering to each other, my anxieties now shifting to what they’re saying rather than what the jester is thinking. I glance at my coworkers this time. They aren’t talking the way that the rest of the crowd is. Their expressions hold much more emotion than I’ve ever seen on their faces- shock, confusion, intrigue. 

I reflexively take a step back towards the joker, running right into him by mistake. I don’t move to step away, and he doesn’t make me. This matter isn’t of particular importance to me right now… maybe it would be if I was feeling alright. I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but now I feel… I’m not sure. But I don’t want to be out here in front of a crowd for their twisted entertainment. 

“Feeling alright…?” The jester whispers in my ear again, this time with an even tone. Dropped the act for now, then?

I don’t respond, unable to find the right words.

“....that’s alright. Let’s get you off this stage…” He puts his hands on my shoulders, perhaps to stabilize me. “Do me a favor. Just close your eyes and fall, okay? Stage fright isn’t that uncommon. They’ll understand.”

That’s… a pretty normal way to go about it. Pretending to faint..? I kind of expected something more flamboyant.

I eventually do as he instructs, stumbling a little before falling backwards against him limply. A murmur ripples through the crowd, though I can’t pick up on the emotion it carries. 

“Oh…?” The jester speaks again, acting as though this is a shock to him as well. “It seems our volunteer isn’t feeling up to this… please excuse us, yes?” 

With my eyes closed, it’s hard to anticipate his movements. I nearly flinch when he hooks an arm under my knees and hoists me into his arms. We are not this close. 

He does an awkward bow that scares the shit out of me and backs off stage. I hear the voice of the ringmaster once again, but it fades away quickly as the joker walks more briskly now. 

“You can open your eyes.”

I do, staying silent as he brings me to what seems to be a dressing room. It’s empty, only containing costumes and a loveseat. He sets me down on it and sits beside me, visibly more relaxed than on stage. I sit there awkwardly, glancing at him and then the ground, wondering if I should apologize for ruining the performance.

“...I thought I was crazy, you know.” I half expected those words to come from my own mouth. I look up from the floor to see him staring forward with his hands clasped in his lap. “But you’re real. …I was really worried about you recently.” He takes a deep breath, his act completely over. “Why did you stop looking at me?”

This… isn’t how I expected him to act. 

“...what do you mean?”

“It’s been a year, Haruka.” He looks at me strangely. “Unless I’ve gotten this all wrong.”

“...you could see me last year?” I stand up, feeling genuinely faint this time. And guilty. If he could see me, then I’ve been ignoring him on purpose. He was still there, and I’d been tricking myself into thinking I was hallucinating. So I’m not schizophrenic. I’m just an asshole.

“Yes, I could see you last year! I’ve only been seeing you every day for the past nineteen years, Haruka!” He puts his head in his hands. “Where the fuck were you, and who the hell put you there…?” His voice is quieter now, his leg shaking. I’ve never seen anyone have such a dramatic change in how they act before. 

I slowly sit back down beside him, sinking back down into the cushions of the loveseat. Maybe it’s okay to let go around this person. After all, he’s showing me sides of himself that I didn’t expect from him right off the bat. 

“...the hospital. They put me in the hospital. For hallucinations.”

He looks up, and I somehow didn’t expect the jester makeup that’s still covering his familiar features. 

“...and those “hallucinations”...”

“Yeah… it was you. Apparently it’s not very normal to be attached to random empty spots in a room.” I snort.

He gives a weak laugh. “...I’m Aki, by the way. Aki Kuren.”

“....Aki.” I test the name, and I’m annoyed that it makes me so sad. I should’ve known his name years ago. I should’ve been able to sit next to him like this instead of being locked up in some mental hospital for seeing a real fucking person in front of me. 

“Haruka.” 

“Would it be weird to say I missed you?” I look away.

“...really weird, yeah. But I missed you, too.” 

I barely have time to think of anything to say before he grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. 

I should be pulling away. I don’t really know him... My lungs fill with air that smells comforting. I’ve never really met this guy… My arms tighten instinctively around him. I don’t need this… but the tears falling from my eyes tell a different story.