During the following weeks, between the frenzy of classes, assignments, and Jared's rather extravagant attendance schedule, they saw each other few times. The blonde no longer had lunch with them, and from what he understood, he didn't attend all classes either. In the group chat he was barely active, and at times Leo really missed the high school days where he saw him every day. Despite now knowing him more intimately, and it being what he had dreamed of so many times, he felt emptier and lonelier than ever.

About rut personality dissociation, he had read absolutely everything, and despite understanding better, he would have preferred never to discover it. As he had heard from a philosopher, happiness was very probably based on ignorance.

Luckily, or unluckily, he didn't have much time to get depressed or think about Jared because health problems began to become more evident, and from simple discomforts they had progressed to interfering with his daily life.

During one of the lunches, Lenny had to go get him a sugary drink when he began to feel faint—he turned pale, his legs weakened, and he was about to pass out. Lenny, who was choosing his lunch, noticed in time and could act before he collapsed.

Once recovered, Lenny accompanied him to the bathroom while Leo doubled over from strong pain in his lower abdomen. He was sweating.

"Leo, did you go to the specialist yet?"

Lenny's tone was dry but you could tell he was worried. Leo was immensely grateful to have met him and was about to have an emotional crisis at that very moment, when a whirlwind of thoughts came at the same time. That was also something new—he had trouble concentrating. Lenny helped him wash his face.

"What happened with the medication you were taking?"

Leo responded with his voice somewhat broken, his vision clouding at times.

"They still haven't given me an appointment—the specialist is never there. And I can't tolerate the medicine anymore." He paused.

"Don't take it anymore. Besides, didn't you tell me it was experimental?"

"Innovative, Lenny. But they told me I shouldn't stop it... until I have a consultation."

Lenny looked at him with flaming eyes.

"Leo, innovative is the pretty word for experimental." He paused. "What did they tell you? That you could go into rut? That's much better than what's happening to you now. Besides, in the Law faculty I think there are only two or three omegas and they're all marked. Go to the pharmacy, buy yourself an inhibitor, and stop that shit you're taking."

Leo nodded weakly.

Lenny helped him stand up.

"Let's go now—you can't stay like this."

Lenny called a taxi, left Leo at his house, and went to buy him the inhibitor at the nearest pharmacy. When he saw he had gone to the bedroom, he left the medication with a note.

Leo woke up at some point during the night, got up groping around, and went to the dining room. Lenny had left the bottle with a note indicating the doses and wrote in large letters to use only in case of emergency.

Below he had written the name of a hospital. He realized he couldn't read well—his vision was somewhat clouded, he was dizzy, his head hurt, and he was very hot. Without thinking, he grabbed his phone and called.

When the voice on the other side answered, tears filled his eyes. He wanted to speak, but heard voices behind and music. He was at a party, and his voice—it wasn't the voice he expected, the one he longed for.

"What's up, Leo? Everything okay?"

Unable to say anything else, and faking a normal voice, he asked:

"Did they tell you if it could be rut dissociation?"

It was the first thing that occurred to him to ask and the only thing he could say with a neutral tone of voice.

Jared on the other side was silent and then started laughing hard.

"Leo, you're a smart guy. Are you going to tell me you believe in the bullshit from those snake oil salesmen? The dissociation thing is unprovable."

Leo started laughing—everything was so ridiculous.

"By the way, since you're still awake, don't you want to come? We're at a party. An alpha would be better, but a beta would work too."

He heard a female voice say yes.

"I have to study."

Jared's voice added:

"Study, study? Or the other version of stuuuudy?" He added a playful tone to the last word, accentuating that he was trying to denote mischief. His tone was mocking.

"You're an idiot."

Leo hung up. He looked at the phone and turned it off. He returned to the bedroom—it was 2 AM.

After that night, Jared disappeared for several days. Leo, who had turned his phone back on the next day, confirmed disappointedly that he had no missed calls. He wrote in the group chat with the pretext of going out for drinks to deal with weekly stress, but the messages weren't delivered. North's conclusion was as simple as it was devastating.

"He's incommunicado. His parents had already forbidden him from going to pheromone parties. He's probably locked up on one of the islands they have."

Leo looked at him fascinated—he didn't know Jared's family had islands. And at the same time horrified that they could leave Jared incommunicado on an island.

Jared returned to university the day Leo wasn't there. A little over a week had passed when the message arrived in the group chat:

"See you at lunch."

Leo saw the message later. That day they had given him a last-minute appointment at the hospital where he had the famous consultation with the well-known specialist, to hand in some papers regarding the treatment he was undergoing.

He arrived at the imposing hospital—it was one of the largest in his city but wasn't as well located as the one Lenny had recommended and where he already requested an appointment with a specialist. However, at the new hospital they had told him they could give him a provisional one, since it was essential to have his medical history to save time when evaluating whether he needed treatment or not.

He entered the administration room. He went to the counter, just as they had indicated in the email. You could tell they were the face of the hospital—not only was the furniture luxurious, but the employees seemed like they came from a modeling agency. A beautiful young woman with black hair neatly pulled back in a bun and wearing a delicate navy blue suit attended to him. She asked for the necessary documentation before reviewing his case.

"Thank you, Mr. Candem," she said with a wide smile while returning the document. "I see in the system that you're pending an appointment with an endocrine specialist. Unfortunately, Dr. Gharam is no longer part of our professional staff. According to what I see in the medical history, you were part of the innovative treatment for subgender definition. I have documentation I need you to sign."

She pointed to the digital signature device. Leo nodded and smiled at her—it was time to play the student card.

"I'm sorry, my mother usually handles all the paperwork. I'll tell her to come sign." The young woman looked at him somewhat uneasy, though her kind smile only grew wider, listening attentively and nodding. "What I urgently need is an appointment with a specialist—I had to stop the medication because lately it's been making me feel sick."

The young woman quickly searched the system before asking him:

"I see your subgender was pending resolution. Did you receive the report in the app with the results?"

Leo shook his head. The young woman looked at him with very corporate pity. At this point in the exchange, Leo already knew the four expressions she used to deal with clients.

"I'm sorry, then first you'll have to get a blood test before proceeding with the consultation with the new specialist."

Leo nodded, though reluctantly, at the two appointments that would take another three weeks. Regarding the symptoms, he would have to wait—only the specialist could recommend the correct treatment.

He remembered he had barely told his mother anything about his symptoms, but preferred not to worry her unnecessarily. Upon leaving, he received the notification in the app for the next appointment and blood test. He found it a bit strange that it appeared as "initial pre-consultation analysis."

He opened the online files section of the app and realized that only the initial file was there, and the two previous consultations didn't appear in the history. He wondered if perhaps having been referred to a new specialist, the old files went to a private compartment. It didn't matter too much anyway, since he had copies of everything on his laptop. It wasn't an issue that kept him up at night either—he just wanted to get rid of all the side effects he was suffering and be able to concentrate on what was important.

Before putting away his phone, he sent Lenny a message to see if he felt like going out for drinks. He needed to clear his head.

At that moment in his life, clearing his head meant not seeing Jared. When he barely saw him, he loathed him, but if he didn't see him, he missed him and looked for him everywhere. He tried to rationalize that maybe it was due to what had happened. He had read that in many people, knotting could leave a deep emotional imprint. Knotting didn't occur in every act—it was something special that happened with one's destined mate. Leo wanted to think all of that was nonsense, but there was an internal part he couldn't control, and it was what had him walking on an emotional ledge lately.

Initially they had made plans with Lenny, and at the last moment North and Jared had joined. Leo wondered if they had already told Jared they were dating. Until he saw his face, Leo simply felt tired, but when he saw him there, standing, smiling as if life were only that—party, sex, and rock and roll—he wanted to hit him. His mood soured and he knew nothing could go well that night. His rational part told him this was the Jared of always—he hadn't changed. Resigned, he let out a snort. The truth was as raw as it was real:

<The problem is me.>

He tried to smile upon seeing the three of them. They entered. Lenny was going to sit next to him, but Leo signaled him. He sat next to Jared, who didn't take long to grab him by the neck surprisingly as he used to do, but Leo removed his hand. Jared didn't take the gesture well.

"It's been forever since we've seen each other."

"Not my fault, by the way," Leo responded in a cutting tone.

Jared looked at him, amused, and smiled widely at him.

"It's true, but I invited you last time and you said no."

Leo looked at him sideways.

"So your friends can only see you if they go whoring with you?"

Jared stopped smiling—the atmosphere had changed. Leo didn't know what he was demanding, or yes he did—he was demanding the absence that weighed on him so much.

"It's not going whoring."

Leo started laughing quietly, looked at him sideways:

"What did we agree on, Jared? Wasn't it that all omegas were whores?"

Jared looked at him, narrowing his eyes.

"What's wrong with you, Leo?"

"The problem is you're never here," he thought, and realized he was nobody to demand absolutely anything from him.

He was behaving like everything he hated.

"Nothing. Sorry, Jad." He looked at him seriously. "I had a bad day. It's not your fault." He patted him on the shoulder.

He stood up.

"Guys, I'm leaving."

Lenny stood up to accompany him.

"No, stay. Really, thanks."

Leo left the bar, took several steps, stopped and turned around. He looked toward the bar entrance—from there you couldn't see them. He turned his gaze forward and felt that tumult of emotions inside him again. He walked a few more steps and received a message from Lenny, asking if he was okay.

Leo wanted to respond, but it was useless: he didn't feel good—in fact, he felt like shit. He had the emotional stability of a bipolar person and suddenly felt extremely tired.

When would everything return to normal? 

What Leo didn't imagine was that normality as he knew it would never return.