● ● ●

There I sat, huddled in my brand-new cubicle, making use of my new work email on my cubicle's PC. A perk I also very much appreciated.

But I wasn't doing work yet, and I was yet to actually talk to any of the other inhabitants of Lesbos.

Instead, I had a blank document open, typing away like a lunatic.

'SEELE and NERV don't stand for anything... they just mean soul and nerve in German... maybe PARALA is also from German...' I grumbled to myself, finding conspiracist speculation to be the least boring thing I could do in the office.

Suddenly, a shrill, whispered, and eerily flat female voice sounded from behind me, almost making me fall out of my chair, 'It is not German. Your efforts are forlorn.'

'Huh- who- what- who are-' I started, trying to glimpse her nametag before her interruption.

'Alu. People call me Lu-Lu. I do not know why. You may call me as you please,' she breathed, her words almost a mumble.

This time, realizing I was staring at her chest like a creep, I passed my gaze over her face.

She was a petite woman, maybe shorter than me, with light brown skin, wearing a dark oversized hoodie.

Alu wore a set of charcoal-grey, faux leather headphones that seemed too big for her head, affixed to a jet mop that draped over the top of her glassy, greyish eyes that looked as if they were staring right through my very soul.

She wore a matching dark grey fabric facemask that covered the entire lower portion of her – probably cute, but otherwise kind of unnerving – face.

'Well!? Do you know?!' I cried, suddenly exasperated. She looked at me and slowly shook her head.

'You seem tense. I will brew you a pot of tea.'

'Oh... um... thank you, uh- Lu... Lu...' I stuttered, trailing off as I watched her drift over to the teapot and cups arranged orderly on the table by Bret's desk.

I looked back up to the open document, and promptly closed the tab without saving. It was probably something dumb, anyways.

After two minutes or so, Lu-Lu returned to my cubicle with a porcelain saucer, pot and two teacups, each decorated with a floral design reminiscent of cherry blossoms.

Gently placing the saucer down in my otherwise barren cubicle, Lu-Lu sat alongside mine in – what I now just realized – was her cubicle. She probably peeked over at my screen, then.

I stirred my tea and scooped a single sugar into it.

'This isn't chamomile tea, is it?,' I remarked jokingly.

'No. Why would it be? It is 11:32 AM,' as she said that, I looked down at her wrist. She wasn't even wearing a watch. She caught my glance and stated 'I looked at the time on your PC.'

'Oh,' I replied with an awkward chuckle, shifting in my seat.

'So- um... Lu-Lu, what brings you here?'

'I was terminated from my past placements for multiple repeated "breaches of privacy."'

'You don't say...' I replied sarcastically, but the effect was lost on her.

'Yes. My workplaces were rife with corruption, but apparently you are not rewarded for investigating extramarital affairs and lobbying. You are punished.'

'People are weird, huh?'

'Very. I'm glad someone else shares my insight.'

'And me, I was fired for "sleeping on the job," actually'

She gave me a quizzical glance and looked me up and down, turning her head and squinting her eyes in what looked like disgust. '... Lilith was also terminated for that... "sleeping around on the job," she called it... You do not seem like the 'type.''

I felt my face heat up like the teapot beside me had a few minutes ago, my ears and cheeks burning so hot I almost thought they'd blister.

'No- no- not- I don't- I'm not- I was just taking a nap every here and there, alone- just me and the brooms-' I frantically sputtered, trying to explain the tragic misunderstanding, while invertedly sounding more and more like a loser by the second.

'Oh. That makes more sense,' she remarked flatly, but I was still running off my fluster-high.

'What does that mean?! I- I could totally get play- I- I'll- there's just no... men nearby - (and I'm excluding the greaser) - but if I swung that way, which I don't, I could totally-'

She said nothing and merely picked up my teacup and handed it to me. 'I am aware.'

Aware? What was she aware of? That I was straight? That I could get game if I wasn't? So many questions.

But for now, I just took a sip of my tea.

'Mmmm... that hits the spot. Sorry, Lu-Lu.'

'It is ok. The manager said you would be like this until your first night shift. He claims to have an affinity with insomniacs and the neurologically atypical, such as yourself.'

Right. I was the "neurologically atypical" one. I ignored the statement and kept sipping my tea, trying to pin down the flavor. I couldn't say I knew what it was.

● ● ●

'Being concerningly well-read on mindfuck media all by yourself, gorgeous?'

A low purr rang from behind me, reverberating through my body like a concert with too much bass.

I had a new document open now, and notes regarding "Cyberia" were littered across the page. I felt like such a nerd, especially in front of Lilith.

'Y'know, he just called it PARALA to fuck with us, right? You'd be disappointed if you knew the truth... like, dad-joke disappointed, babe~'

She crowed with a chuckle, almost getting caught up in her brand-name chortle while wrapping her braided tail around an outstretched, slender index finger.

'I give up... can you just tell me?' I sighed, utterly defeated, and overwhelmed by Lilly's frequent use of that particular expletive. For some reason, the way it left her lips felt... confusing... to me.

Lilly promptly pinched my check, while I nodded off for a microsecond.

'Aww~ that's no fun~ say, Ethel~'

Oh, great. A catch.

Thwack! A fist plummeted onto the top of Lilith's head from a space above her I didn't believe possible to occupy.

'Ow~ why~' she whimpered, as a somehow darker, more looming figure appeared behind her.

A silhouette shaped like the Devil himself... if she was a stern-looking Asian lady sporting a dark suit and black tie, with long, silky black hair spiked into horns (or wolf ears?) at the scalp, and bloodshot eyes that looked like they hadn't seen sleep in weeks... and God knows she was.

You've got to be shitting me.

The newcomer – I swiftly read her nametag as 'Khmaoch Sangkat,' realizing I was not well-versed on any Asian languages – stood maybe at the same height as Lilith, but her silent, almost deadly, presence spoke volumes beyond.

While I wanted Lilith to bite me for reasons unknown, I was scared this lady would rip my head off with her teeth if I even set foot out of place.

'Lilly, you're not bothering the new hire, are you?' she interrogated, her voice deep and mellow, like each word she spoke was an archmagi's word of power. If she told me to jump off a bridge, I'd probably do it, no second thoughts.

'C'mon, Mao~ I was just getting acquainted with this beauty~' she insisted, crouching down to run her fingers along my tie, fondling it. Her face was way too close, and I could feel her hot breath on my collar.

Just as she tugged at my tie with a little too much force, the clip came off the collar. I shot her an awkward grin while she looked at me with a dumfounded expression before promptly clipping it back on.

'Mmhmm. I know all about your 'acquainting,' Lilly. Please, just, do it in your own time for once,' as if suppressing a migraine, Mao clutched at her nose bridge and marched back to the front of the office.

'I'll be sending everyone our weekly security detail schedule and patrol partnerships via email, so be prepared and please- check your emails. No complaining about partners, either. What you get is what you get,' she called back as she approached the manager's desk, discussing the upcoming security details with Bret just out of earshot.

'Do it in our own time, hey~' Lilith whispered in my ear, just as I was immediately compelled to shove her off me and open my inbox. She pouted, stood up to lean against my chair, and glanced at my screen with a look of utter disinterest.

● ● ●

Moment of truth. How unbearable was my first security detail going to be? Surely Bret wasn't cruel enough to pair me with-

'Hey~ Ethie~ lookie there~ looks like we're partnered up for Tuesday through Saturday at the Sandman Museum of Natural History~ how romantic~' Lilith butt in, tapping the schedule displayed on my monitor with her black acrylic nail. Tap. Tap.

I drowsily sent a death glare Bret's way, to which he ducked out of sight of. Slippery bastard.

It had been a long day, and it was going to be an even longer week, no thanks to him.

'So... about that... catch~' Lilith mused, twirling her pointed ponytail around her finger while biting down on her lower lip.

'I'm not having sex with you, Lilly.'

'Aww~ why~' she pouted, suddenly putting me on the spot for something that should've been entirely obvious to me.

'I- I don't swing that way...' my voice quavered, and even I thought I sounded unsure of my answer.

Lilith just looked at me with a mix of mild bemusement and bewilderment, her scrunched brow and condescending smile displayed as if to say 'sure, honey, I so believe that.'

Suddenly, Lilith leapt at me and wrapped her arms around me, enveloping me in a tight squeeze.

'Ugh~ my heart~ my little disaster lesbian butterfly's still in her cocoon~'

'I don't need your pity. I like men,' I grumbled, crossing my arms over each other beneath her crushing hug.

'Ever done the dirty with one?' she pressed me, closing the distance between us as she began to interrogate me mid-constriction in a hushed tone.

'No comment.'

'Ever dated one?'

'No comment.'

'Ever had a crush on one?'

'Uh- maybe?'

'Ever been asked out by one?'

'Uh, yeah?'

'And no dates?'

'No comment.'

'First celebrity crush?'

'Uh... Y'know... that one dude... the long-haired guitarist from the goth band in... uh... Scooby Doo.'

'The female lead guitarist from the Hex Girls?'

'Shi- Uh- I mean, no... from a different goth band on Scooby Doo... it's probably like, lost media... you wouldn't know it.'

I felt like she was cracking this 'cocoon,' along with my sense of self, every second I suffered this python's embrace. Thorn was a girl? Since when? Did little me block that out? What?

'Are you looking up Thorn from the Hex Girls now?' Lilith giggled, noticing I'd pulled out my phone and started frantically typing. She was sitting on my leg now, and I swear her mind was more devoid of the concept of personal space than even Lu-Lu's was of privacy rights.

I stared blankly at the search results for what felt like an eternity. There she was. Thorn was still hot.

I pushed my screen out of my vision to look at the vile seductress before me. I did this a few times, my eyes widening with each comparison as they jumped between Thorn and Lilith. Take out Lilith's eccentricities and she's just... Oh. Oh, no.

'Maybe... maybe I can buy you a drink.' I croaked, still recovering from the crushing weight of my failure at media literacy and the literal crushing weight of Lilith's hug.

'Huzzah!' Lilith rejoiced, visibly elated at my admission of defeat.

'One drink. Then you've got to tell me what PARALA really stands for.'

'Your funeral babes, but fine~'

● ● ●

I looked down at the fresh string of numbers on my contact list in disbelief. What did I just agree to? I felt like I just kept digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave when it came to that girl.

I couldn't go on a date with a woman, even if it was just one drink. First of all, it felt wrong; for me, personally- it's not like there's anything wrong with that.

And secondly, what would I wear? That succubus was sure to outshine me even if I rummaged through my closet for half a day.

Wait. Why did I care? I was going there for answers – possibly deeply unsatisfactory answers, but still.

Maybe I had to meet a criteria? If I didn't look the part she wouldn't hold up her end of the deal. Yeah, that had to be it. Trouble was this, my current outfit, was probably the nicest set of clothes I owned.

I cupped my head in my hands, dozing off for a bit at my desk before an idea sprung to mind. Maybe I could ask someone here for fashion tips, someone sincere and bluntly objective to a fault. They'd know, statistically, what I should wear to ensure a desired outcome.

At that moment, I propelled my chair off my desk and spun into the cubicle to my left.

'Hey... Lu-Lu, would you maybe want to go shopping with me?'

Lu-Lu seemed to be engrossed in something, but to me her monitor displayed a whole other language I'd probably need a whole computer science degree to decipher.

Nevertheless, she instantly swiveled her chair to face me, a look of utter befuddlement painting her brow as she glared at me.

'I did not take you for a two-timing "floozy." Did someone slip something into your tea? Because I assure you I did not.'

For a girl who took things so literally, she really didn't take anything at face value. Also, did she know how not to eavesdrop on everyone in the room?

'No, no... I don't think so... (though that would explain a lot)... I just need some fashion advice, because y'know...' I awkwardly drawled out my explanation, feeling stupider by the second.

'You need fashion advice. From me?' she asked, gesturing down to her own attire that consisted of a singular oversized dark hoodie, grey tracksuit pants, and black sneakers.

'Uh- yes... I was thinking you would... you know... be aware of the best possible formula to help me get the most out of the interaction...' I winced, unsure if it was getting across to her.

'Oh. Is human courtship alike to that of birds?' she whispered, a cadence of intrigue in her voice as she held her hand to her chin, staring off in thought.

'What? C- courtship? I- I don't- I just want to get inform-'

'Your query intrigues me, Ethel. Confide the time of your date to me and I shall exchange with you my contact information. We will meet two hours prior to your engagement.'

'It's not a- oh, fine. Sounds good. It's at 7 at the Dry Eyes Saloon, so-'

'We will meet at the Sandman Gold Plaza at 5:20 PM. Be there or be a rectangle with four straight sides of equal length.'

'Um. Ok, will do.'

'Also it has occurred to me that your first orientation has been incredibly "lax." I do not believe you have fulfilled even a sector of your 40 hours of security officer training, nor have you had your firearms permit reinstated,' she pointed out, adding air quotes with her fingers where she deemed necessary. I think she was just repeating slang she'd heard, but did she really need to say "floozy" before?

Oh, shit. I had completely forgotten about that.

'Don't worry about it, Toodle-Loo~ her first week counts towards her training hours- she just needs to learn from the master (molester)!'

The manager's gravelly voice rumbled from the front of the room, grating against my ears contrast to Lu-Lu's soft monotone I'd grown accustomed to. It once again occurred to me how small this office actually was.

This week – no, this night alone – was going to do a number on me. Oh, how I missed the janitor's closet, and yearned for the gentle kiss of the brooms' bristles.