Alright, alright, alright! I stood before my reflection again that afternoon just as I had that morning- staring myself down, looking for a flash of weakness.

She thought she was gonna get a free drink out of me, eh? She thought she was gonna outclass me, so I'd get nothing in return, eh?

Well – I doused my hands and smacked my cheeks, ignoring the embarrassing wobbling response that followed the wet slap – she had another thing coming.

And that thing was... a short, socially-inept girl. Wait, she was already expecting that. She specifically requested that, even. Me though, not Alu. Hell knows why.

It seemed today's orientation only ran until four, so that gave me plenty of time to... do absolutely nothing but sleep for half an hour... until I inevitably had to prepare.

Ok, Ethel. First date. Wait, really? How about that one- no, Ethel, it was someone else's birthday, and you tried to put your arm around him while watching Shark Tale. He switched seats. That's the furthest thing from a date.

Did I just call it a date? I meant make-out. Stakeout. I meant stakeout. Yeah. A covert operation. I wanted the truth, and God knows I could handle the truth.

What was that truth exactly? How it feels to kiss a girl? Shut up, Ethel.

I gave my face a few wet slaps again, then bared my teeth like a dog at my reflection. I realized my makeup had gone runny at this point... and I suspected the wet slaps weren't without fault.

Shit, and it took so long to think of what makeup would make me look the least like a loser.

I felt like a compulsive housewife trying to tidy up before the cleaner got there. I wanted to at least give Lu-Lu something to work with so I wouldn't look completely and utterly pathetic. And as I was right now, I maybe resembled one of those renovated houses from reality shows that fall apart the second the cameras turn away. The rubble, I mean.

I checked the time. 5:13 PM. The Gold Plaza was probably some ten minutes away, so it would've been better to head off sooner than later (mainly because I was afraid Lu-Lu might leave if I was even a second late).

I decided to hurriedly brush some dark, glittery eyeshadow I'd found in my bathroom drawer – that I got from a friend I hadn't texted in like a year or two – on my eyelids, then caked my lips with rose-red lipstick.

I looked like something handcrafted by Tim Burton himself.

'Good enough, I guess,' I made my mumbled decision, as I completed the arduous task of make-out – makeup – makeup preparation.

I checked the time. Great, just enough seconds to throw something on so Lu-Lu could berate me later- that is, if she really knew what she was doing. Even if not, she definitely knew more than me.

I threw on a black pleated skirt, some skinny jeans, and a crop-top I bought at a gig ages ago but didn't follow the wash-and-dry instructions of- so I'd completely forgotten what band I'd seen. Honestly, I might've even found it on the curb. It fit me, though, so I was going with the least gross possibility.

With that, and no time to spare, I sprinted out of my apartment, smacked my face into a wall, and set course for the bus stop.

● ● ●

Panting, the realization that I was in dire need of exercise dawned on me as I finally reached the Gold Plaza. I missed the first bus, so obviously, I decided to jog to my destination, lest Lu-Lu leave me stranded in the middle of the plaza.

As I approached, I briefly checked my watch and my heart sank. 5:27 PM. Seven minutes late. My jog deflated into a low slouch as I approached the plaza's center. To my surprise, a peculiar figure – wait, no, two peculiar figures – caught my eye.

'What?!' I exclaimed. Lu-Lu just stood there, a stagnant figure amidst the waves of people that swelled around her, looking at me like a puppy trying to understand a word it'd never heard before.

'You're early. I am surprised,' she said flatly as I approached, noting the statuesque suited figure by her side. Mao had tagged along, for some reason.

'Early? You said-'

'I compensated for potential loss of time and told you a false time, as I assumed you would ultimately arrive ten minutes late.'

'Oh. Wow. And why is she-' I started, almost flattered, but was quickly cut off as the senior security guard handed me a peculiar cold, cylindrical object, before disappearing into the sea of faces.

'Mace,' was all she said.

'Uh- why- I mean... thanks,' I stammered as I tucked the can into my purse. Not that I was going to need it, but I appreciated the gesture.

'Ok. Let us get "window shopping" for, and potentially purchasing, items to complement your courtship ritual.'

'Wait- first-' I tapped Lu-Lu's shoulder, then held the hems of my skirt and did a ditsy twirl.

Lu-Lu gazed at my attire, her eyes expressionless.

'It is a choice.'

'But how do I-'

'Cute. Though your outfit does little to complement the rest of you.'

'Y-you think I'm cute?' I gawked at her, my ears suddenly burning like I'd been hung over an active volcano. That was far from the response I was expecting, but the outfit "critique" was typical.

'Negligible. We need to appeal to the target audience, being the recipient of the courtship ritual,' she replied, determination to carry out the experiment flashing in her eyes as she hit her fist against her palm; as if trying to crush an insect only she could see.

'Uh- ha-ha- where should we get started?' I asked coyly, swiveling my hips in place idly while looking anywhere but her direction.

'I have carefully constructed a color chart. We will search for apparel at Sandlady Boutique.'

'A what?'

'Let us go.'

It wasn't long before we found ourselves amidst the aisles of the boutique. It was a quaint outlet, with date night apparel and outfits that spanned all seasons.

Maybe too colorful for my taste, but Lu-Lu seemed invested, flicking through the racks like she was searching for some esoteric treasure.

'Ethel.'

She breathed, startling me as I instinctively flipped some hangers aside. I swear I never knew when this girl was addressing me or not, even if she did call me by name.

She was always engrossed in something, and when she was looking at me she seemed like she was staring into my soul- it felt like she was going to disclose a profound truth about me if she addressed me then.

'Yes?'

'How "lucky" are you feeling tonight?'

'What?'

'According to studies on color psychology, I may be able to moderately increase your chances of intimacy by incorporating yellow, orange or red into your courtship display. All stimulate appetite and increase heartrate, especially red, in case you were considering letting her "eat you o-"'

'I- I don't think that has anything to do with appetite! And do people really wear yellow or orange?'

'McDonalds uses yellow. Are you perhaps looking for a KFC approach to courtship? It is famously associated with the phrase "finger-licking good."'

I felt like internally screaming I was so flustered. Either this was going to be too effective or make me look like a weirdo, and I didn't want to take that chance.

'Um... how much will I need to rely on luck with orange?'

'A lot. But, zoologically speaking, the common robin's breast color is closer to orange than red.'

'I'm not a bird, Lu-Lu.'

'Contrast to the Australasian red-breasted and pink-breasted robins, the European and American orange-breasted robins have far greater reproductive success.'

'Ok, fine. You're the expert, suit me up, Lu-Lu.'

'You are going to dress yourself.'

'I- I know that!' I sputtered, waiting around while Lu-Lu waded through the hangers and passed any orange dresses she found under my scrutinizing gaze. If it looked too old-lady-like, I cast it aside. I had enough of that associated with me by name already.

'So... you called me "cute" before... like, what's up with that, right?' I remarked, feigning nonchalance, while I gazed up at the ceiling as she rummaged.

'Hm? You seem surprised?'

'I mean, yeah. You really only speak in facts and it's like- am I "cute" compared to the modern standards of beauty or-'

'No,' she shot me down flatly. What did that mean? I wasn't conventionally attractive? Then why did she call me cute? Or did she mean she sometimes didn't make factual statements? I had no clue.

'Here,' she passed me a blood-orange dress, its fabric pleated rather than frilled, and with a bust that certainly would... complement... my own chest area. No floral patterns, just straight orange.

'Oh. I like it- but is the padding really necessary?'

'It may make you exude confidence if we extenuate your breast. Like a sage grouse,' she explained, and regardless that I had no idea what a sage grouse was, I was satisfied with that answer.

'Also I wanted to see what it looked like.'

'What's that supposed to mean?!' I blurted, only to be met with a coy shrug. Was that her attempt at a joke? Flirtation? Wasn't she preparing me for a date? No, stakeout, so it's fine. Wait, why was it fine?

Nope, knowing her that was her honest-to-God answer. She wanted to see what I looked like in a tight dress. Pervert.

I mean, I was kind of curious too. What would she look like without the hoodie... I mean- what will I look like in this dress?

'Ok. Go change. I will wait outside for judgement.'

I was maybe in there for two minutes after slipping the dress on, having slid my back down the wall after glancing in the mirror. No way. There's no way I can go out looking like this. I looked... good? Really good, even. It was embarrassing.

I started to doze off before I heard a small fist slam into the dressing room door. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Ok, jeez.

'Uh- I'm coming out-'

'You sound more like you are coming to,' Lu-Lu remarked correctly, seeing as I was close to falling asleep mere seconds ago. I took a deep breath, unlatched the door, and stepped outside.

'It nearly matches up to your looks.'

It was impossible to gauge Lu-Lu's reaction beyond her ever-gazing grey eyes, considering that was the only part of her face she didn't cover up. She looked like she could be impressed, surprised, disappointed, or even gawking at me.

'So, keep trying?'

'No, it is... exceptional,' she claimed, briefly looking me up and down. I still had no idea what she meant, but nonetheless my face was probably redder than the blood-orange I was adorned in.

We moved out to the plaza's center once more, and Lu-Lu spoke up again, her eyes silently trained on a pigeon that seemed to be hopping on one leg. 'Now, what other apparel should we collect to ensure the success of your courtship ritual?'

'Stakeout.'

'Ethel, how do you feel about antlers?'

'I'm not wearing antlers.'

'That is fine. They are primarily for defense and competition anyways, so it would really only be useful if a contender entered the courtship ritual. And you have mace for that.'

'I am not going to spray someone with mace.'

'You could also try making yourself look larger, but for you I may recommend the male angler fish approach.'

'I have no idea what you are talking about, but with your help I think the mission should be a success. Or at least, I look good.'

Lu-Lu just nodded, maybe too vigorously, so she adjusted her facemask as to even hide her eyes a little.

'I am glad I could be of some assistance in your endeavors. I hope your date proceeds as planned.'

'Thanks, Lu-Lu,' I beamed at her, genuinely appreciative, as I was convinced that I would look like a total mess without her. She just looked away, focusing her energy back on studying the one-legged pigeon that hopped around the plaza.

Shortly after, the shopping trip concluded, and we parted ways for the evening. 6:49 PM. It was nearly time to tread into the lair of the beast.