'So- so, y-you see, Lil-Lu'th, the think about girls is that they're too purdy, y'know? Like, it'd only make sense that I aim for a match- like below average- so basically just meh- men,' I slurred between hiccoughs, raving like a literal drunken lunatic. Heh, meh-n. That's why they were called that.

Lilith was indulging me, nodding at each point I made and making small gestures as if to say, 'go on.'

'Yeh, so y'know, like- if I wasn't a straight-shootin' rough-an-tootin' arrow, I'd like- rip your clothes off with my teeth, and y'know chew through leather and, you uh, get the rest- if anything God saw this comin' and nerfed me...' I drawled, completely lost on what I was actually talking about maybe a few sips ago.

Everything around me was churning slightly, and I couldn't exactly make out Lilith's expression, but when I reached for my cocktail again she pulled it towards her instead.

'Y'know who called me "cute" and "exceptional" tonight- and I'm not shittin' you- motherflippin' Lu-Lu- like, girl, she's gotta be wearin' a blindfold too 'cause-' 'Hey,' Lilith interrupted my half-boasting half-self-deprecating rambling. 'Grab your glass, I wanna try something~'

I did as I was told, although sluggishly, and spilling maybe quarter of its contents onto the counter. 'I din' know you were Jewish-' I slurred, ready to shout 'Opa' and smash my glass against the counter as I raised my glass in sync with hers.

'Cheers to night security partners in crime~ PARALA-sis!' Lilith cheered as we clinked our glasses together, and I felt my disorientation and the room's spin quickly subside like a record scratch.

'What.' I could not believe my ears. 'PARALA-sis... you've got to be shitting me... it's wordplay on "sleep paralysis", because we're night guards, and "sisters"... but it's not even spelt correctly,' I ranted, picking apart that dumbass zealot's magnum opus.

'Well, at least you didn't punch me. That's what Mao did to Bret when she first found out, broke his nose and everything- not that you could tell~' Lilith chimed in, seemingly much more coherent with alcohol in her system than I had been a few seconds ago.

'The second I get my firearms permit back I'm shooting him point-blank,' I threatened with a chuckle, and to me it didn't feel empty. 'No, that's too merciful. I'm gonna buy a shotgun and force him to deepthroat it- live that real wannabe Cobain life,' I continued coldly, feeling a sudden intense nausea welling up in the pit of my stomach.

'Scary~' Lilith teased, patting me on the head. I promptly threw up on the counter and blacked out.