Content Warning: Profanity

Another year passed in Leiyu’s memories.  He was eighteen now.  This moment was the most bittersweet.  Or just bitter.  The candy they passed out after Shifu’s funeral didn’t do much to sweeten anything.

The funeral had ended an hour ago.  After the last of the incense smoke wafted away and the mourners from outside the sect had all gone home, Leiyu gathered his belongings.  He did not have many things that truly belonged to him in the first place, since most things in the sect were shared.  He laid everything out on his bedroll.  There was a gourd-shaped flask, a sword, the jade token that Shifu gave to him on his deathbed, some dried food, a pouch of money, a stack of blank paper strips, a calligraphy brush, and an inkstone.  Last of all was the stack of pre-written paper talismans.  

There were talismans for every purpose under the sun.  All one had to do was scrawl the spell onto a strip of paper, which was why he was bringing the calligraphy brush and inkstone in case he needed to create more.  One of the most basic talismans was the silencing one.  If you placed one of these inside your room, you could quiet all the noise from the rest of the house.  Likewise, if one of these were placed outside of a room, then no one could hear what was going on inside.  These talismans were useful to everyone from weary folk trying to get an undisturbed night’s sleep to thieves and assassins who did not want to be discovered.  There were also talismans for sending messages, setting off alarms when intruders encroached, and tracking down people.  The tracking ones required two strips of paper, one for the seeker and the other one for the one being sought.

Then there were the talismans that warded off ghosts and evil spirits.  He had never seen a ghost before, but people sure talked about them all the time.  It was said that placing a warding talisman on a hopping jiangshi’s forehead would stop it dead in its tracks, which was ironic since it was supposed to be dead already.

He pulled on the hem of his sleeve and stuffed everything in, save for the sheathed sword, which he strapped to his belt.  He then wrapped himself in a plain brown cloak and put the cord of his weimao around his neck.  The weimao settled on his back.

He felt like he needed to hurry up and leave before he ran into Jianyi.  Jianyi had held his tongue out of respect during the entire funeral, but his gaze toward Leiyu was cold and tinged with venom.  If Leiyu stayed any longer, he knew that there would be another argument.  Everyone else was out in the main hall right now, so now was a good time to slip away.

A sudden footfall made Leiyu turn around and grip the hilt of his sword.  He calmed down when he saw Anying in the doorway.

“Leiyu-shixiong?  Why are you here by yourself?” Anying asked.  “Don’t you want to join us?  There’s still food.”

“Not hungry, but thank you,” Leiyu mumbled.

Anying took a closer look at Leiyu.  “Why are you dressed like that?  Are you going out?  I know you and Shifu were close, but you don’t have to mourn by yourself.”

Leiyu shrugged.  He wrapped his cloak even tighter around his body, as if he were closing himself off from the world.  Turning back to his shidi, he said,  “I’ll be going away for a while.”  There was a look of sadness in his eyes as he added, “I’m sorry.”

Anying gasped.  “You’re leaving us?  Why?”

“It’s nothing,” Leiyu replied.  “I just want to be alone right now.”

Anying frowned.  “Is it because of Jianyi?”  Leiyu sighed.  “It is, isn’t it?  I know Jianyi’s been giving you a hard time lately.”

“It’s not just lately.”

“Please, don’t leave us now.  We just lost Shifu.  Jianyi might have issues with you, but no one else does.”

Leiyu shrugged again.  The longer he stayed here talking to his shidi, the harder it would be to leave.  He headed toward the door.  Anying moved aside out of respect but still looked unhappy.  Leiyu felt a pang of sadness.  He never had any issue with his shidi - it was his shixiong that was giving him grief.  Perhaps there was something he could say to make it better?  He was never good with words though.

“I won’t be gone forever,” he tried to reassure his shidi.  “I’ll be back someday.”

“When is someday?  Tomorrow?  Next week?  Next year?” Anying was trying to keep calm but was failing fast.

“I don’t know,” Leiyu replied.  “Someday.  I promise.”

“Please don’t forget us.”

Leiyu bit his lip.  He generally tried not to show any emotion, but right now it was becoming increasingly difficult.  There was a rising turmoil in his chest and he had to go soon before it bubbled over.  “I won’t forget,” he said, almost whispering.

Anying put his arms before him in a fist salute and bowed his head.  Leiyu did the same.  The wind outside picked up and shook the window frames.  Leiyu placed the weimao over his head, went down the hallway, and walked out the side door.  However, before he had completely exited the compound, his sharp ears picked up on an additional voice.

“Don’t cry over that fool,” Leiyu heard the voice tell Anying.  Jianyi, of course.  “He doesn’t give a shit about us.”

“Jianyi-shixiong, I did not hear you coming.”

“You should be more alert.  Ears open at all times.  That was part of Shifu’s training.”

“Sorry shixiong, I was just distracted.”

“Yes, because you were too busy saying goodbye to that deserter.”

Leiyu heard Anying sigh.  “Jianyi-shixiong, forgive me for asking, but why are you so mean to Leiyu-shixiong?  We all used to get along.”

“Yeah, before he started thinking he was better than all of us.”

“But Leiyu-shixiong never said he was better than us.  He doesn’t even speak most of the time.”

“He didn’t have to say it out loud to make it clear.  Once he started defeating everyone in the spars, why would he need to stick around with us?  His head was always somewhere else, even when we hung out together.  Been like that since we were kids, didn’t you notice?  Shifu’s ashes aren’t even cold and he couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here.  Fucking ungrateful since Shifu always favored him.”

“But maybe he’s leaving because you were mean to him.”

“Pssh, I’m his senior.  He needed to know his place.”

“Jianyi-shixiong…” Leiyu could hear the constrained frustration in Anying’s voice.

“And not only that, he’s throwing away his talent by running off to who knows where,” Jianyi continued.  “I’ll always respect Shifu, but he was too soft on the disciples who didn’t show loyalty to our sect.  Then they go join other sects and those sects gain the glory without having to put in the work.”

“Jianyi-shixiong, I don’t think Leiyu-shixiong is joining another sect.   He said he just wanted to be alone.  He’s mourning just like the rest of us.”

Jianyi scoffed.  “So he did talk.  Don’t take his words at face value.  Who knows what really goes on in that head of his.”

“He said he’d come back,” Anying shot back.  “Someday.”

“Haha!  Someday!  Shidi, what did I just tell you about not taking his words as is.  When people say ‘someday’, that means they have no real plans to ever come back.  Might as well be honest and say ‘never.’”

At this point, Leiyu had heard enough.  He kept walking across the grass, down the stone steps of the hill, and towards town.

***

Leiyu resurfaced from the depths of his memories and opened his eyes.  His heart was pounding.  If mediation was supposed to make him calm, then he was completely failing.

Breathe, he told himself.

He turned to his side and saw Prince Thallios still sleeping soundly.  His heartbeats began to slow and he inhaled deeply.  Shifting his gaze to the front of the cave, he exhaled.  His thoughts turned back to his martial brothers.

It has now been four winters since I left them.  Within months, it will be the fifth.  I told Anying I’d be back someday.  Will I keep this promise too?