“Jump in with me.” Dean stretched his hand out for me to take, but instead, I took another drag from the blunt at my lips, letting out a cloud of smoke that dissipated in the moonlight.

“Are you serious? It’s freezing.” The two of us were hanging out as usual by the lake close to our homes. I was sitting on the ground with my back against a eucalyptus tree. The leaves littered the area around me, each faintly glowing with the condensation from the night air. The breeze was light, but it amplified the chill. The sky was oddly clear, with a panoramic view of the crescent moon and the nearly black sky. Being so far out from the town, the stars were bright enough to light Dean standing on the dock with his hand outreached and with an exasperated expression on his face. His short curly brown hair blew slightly with the breeze, his large green eyes impatient but understanding. He stood there in his zip up hoodie, his Killers t-shirt and baggy jeans, one arm stretched out and the other holding a hackysack.

“You got to take some risks sometimes. Have some fun.” Dean let his arm down and sat next to me with a quiet thud. He took the blunt from my hand and inhaled.

“I have fun. I’m just not reckless.” I looked over to Dean and saw his expression change to a slightly amused one.

“Yeah, whatever. But you got to promise me that when we graduate, we’re getting out of this place. Staying here is going to kill you.” His face was now determined.

“I know. If you’re going, I’m going. Promise.” If Dean left, there would be nothing keeping me here. Before Dean moved here three years ago, I got by, but I was really just going through the motions. I knew almost everyone at school, Lakewood was such a small town, but I didn’t consider any of them to be friends. Dean was the first.

It was a relatively instant connection. We had homeroom together, and while everyone had wanted to get to know Dean, he asked me to show him around. We've been inseparable since. Not that Dean didn’t have a lot of other friends. Everyone loved him. He had a charisma to him that was hard to pinpoint. He just had a vibe that people gravitated towards. It didn’t hurt that Dean was boyishly handsome; the girls wanted him, the guys wanted to be him, and I was just happy to know him. I didn’t really understand why Dean chose me to be his ride or die.

We did have a lot in common. Dean’s mother left him when she got a job out of the country. It was supposed to be only for work, but she never came back. Dean and his father moved into town shortly after the divorce finalized. Dean’s dad was a heavy drinker, which Dean thought was one of the main reasons his mother left, but it got worse after the divorce.

My parents, while still together, would have been better off divorced. They were strict and expected conformity, but that’s only because they didn’t want me to go to hell. Good people individually, but absolutely horrible for each other. The fighting was constant, the atmosphere in the house so dense that I tried my best never to be home.

I ran track, convinced Dean to join me, not because we loved it, but because no one yelled at us if we ran fast enough. It gave us peace. It gave us a reason to go to the lake after practice together and hide from the world. I would practice chords on the acoustic guitar Dean got me for my fifteenth birthday while he would toss pebbles into the lake and watch them skip.

Dean and I bonded over our dysfunctional households, our love of older music, our dreams of going to the city to make something of ourselves, our need to escape from life with weed and shrooms.

“When we get out there, I’ll bring you to all the places I grew up. There are so many awesome taquerias, museums, parks, and coffee shops for you to perform. You’ll show Forrest he doesn’t know shit.” Dean was looking out into the lake, still and reflecting the moon and the stars on its surface. The croaking of frogs echoed in the distance as though they were in agreement.

“I still need to work the summer to save up, so you better not leave without me.” I said it softly, but Dean nodded.

“Not a chance. I got to save up, too. We better get as many shifts as we can this summer. We should be able to save enough for a place to split. We can get temp work or something when we get there. Can’t be worse than here.” Dean was still looking out towards the lake.

“Anywhere is better than here.” Even though I’d never been further than an hour from town, I felt it in my bones that it was true.

Dean got up and stretched his hand out to me again. “Are you in this with me?”

This time, I took his hand and pulled myself up. “You’re crazy, but let’s do this.”

The two of us stripped to our underwear and at the count of three, jumped off the dock into the lake.

It was as cold as I predicted. The initial impact pushed the chill right into my bones, and I found it a struggle to tread and move my arms. I looked around and saw Dean to my right, calm and floating with his eyes looking up at the sky.

“I guess you do this more than I do,” I said into the quiet air.

“Yeah, it makes me feel alive. You need to find it somewhere, right?” Dean responded.

“Yeah. At least when we get to the city, there’ll be other things to do that won’t be so cold.” I was still shaking but trying my best to move my arms and legs rhythmically.

“For sure. I can’t wait.” Dean looked over and gave me a smile. The smile that made all the girls at school swoon.

The two of us stayed in the water for a few minutes more, floating and looking at the stars in the sky. We didn’t need to say anything.

As we pulled ourselves out of the water, Dean used his hoodie as a towel and then threw it to me. “Use that. You get colder than I do.”

I dried as much as I could with the hoodie and got dressed. “Thanks, I’ll bring it back for you after I wash it.”

“Whenever. We better get back. We have an early shift tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you at the diner?” I asked.

“You bet.” Dean grabbed his bike from the side of the tree, waved, and headed towards his home.

I started walking in the other direction toward my own home, Dean’s wet hoodie flung over my arm. It was a short walk, maybe ten minutes. The cool night air smelled distinctly of damp earth and pine, and my thoughts drifted to the city, to all the places we’d get to see. I never would’ve had the guts to go there alone, but with Dean, anything seemed possible.

Before I even swung the front door open, I could hear my parents arguing in the kitchen. For a moment, I thought about turning around, but I had an early shift. Quietly, I slipped inside and closed the door behind me. The yelling was muffled but still sharp through the walls. I went into my room and shut the door tight, the voices dimming to a dull roar.

I changed into a dry pair of underwear and climbed into bed, pressed my earbuds firmly into my ears and let Bright Eyes fill the silence. Eventually, sleep came, though it felt thin and fragile.

The alarm buzzed louder than I remembered. A small mercy, otherwise, I probably would have slept right through it. I got up quickly, brushed my teeth, and changed. My hair was a mess of bedhead, but no one expected anything else from me. I slipped out the door before my parents could hear.

The walk to the diner passed quickly, accompanied by Tom McRae emoting softly from my old MP3 player. My phone was ancient, with barely enough storage for music, no signal beyond Wi-Fi. Dean usually sent me a text to wake me, knowing how easily I overslept. But there was nothing yet.

When I stepped inside, the usual chatter was gone. The staff were gathered around the cash register, some wiping tears. Paula, the owner, saw me and immediately crossed the room. Without a word, she pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, Cahn. I know how close you two were.”

“Who?” My voice caught. My body tightened, arms trembling.

“Dean,” Paula said softly, her voice breaking. “He… he was hit by a car last night. He didn’t make it.”

I stood there frozen, wrapped in Paula’s arms, unable to breathe. My eyes stung, but the tears felt distant, like they belonged to someone else. Numb, I couldn’t feel anything at all.