Yeonjun walked into the bathroom and barely held himself upright while he checked the stalls one by one. Thankfully, the room was empty. 

He struggled to get a full breath, and his hands shook against the edge of the sink. When he finally looked up, he barely recognized his own reflection. His face was pale and exhausted. The sight made him nauseous, so he leaned over and splashed cold water on his face.

But it did not help. He dragged air into his lungs, but he still felt completely dizzy under the harsh fluorescent lights. He pushed himself away from the sink and stumbled into an empty stall. He locked the door and closed his eyes while he waited for the ringing in his ears to fade.

He leaned back against the metal wall and focused entirely on his breathing. He took slow, deep breaths as his shoulders shook with every exhale.

One... two... three... four… You've gotten through this before. This one will pass too. Just breathe.

He repeated the words over and over until his hands finally stopped shaking. He pulled more air into his chest, and it sounded rough but steady. The nausea slowly faded away. He was not completely fine, but he knew he could keep going. He stayed in the stall for another minute while he reminded himself he was not going to die.

—

When he finally made it to his first class, everyone was already sitting in their seats. He hesitated in the doorway before he quietly closed the door behind him. He kept his eyes lowered while he walked with cautious steps. 

The professor looked up from the podium as his eyebrows lifted slightly.

"Please try to be on time next time," the professor said.

Yeonjun nodded.

"Sorry, sir."

He immediately walked toward an empty seat at the back of the room because he did not want to sit near anyone he knew or talk to a single person.

He was showing no outward sign of the panic attack he had just survived in the bathroom. He appeared completely composed and calm while he kept his eyes down and hoped to avoid any attention. 

But it was already too late. People were whispering all around him because their curiosity was stirred by the explosive fight they had seen in the courtyard earlier.

The professor's voice was carrying faintly across the room as he outlined the structure for the new semester. He mentioned group work, midterm presentations, and a final project focused on spatial dynamics and how people move through public spaces.

"Teams will be formed in week four, after you've completed your first solo proposal. Use that to show me how you think," the professor said.

Yeonjun stared down at the open notebook in front of him. The page was completely blank except for a single scribble he did not even remember writing. He picked up his pen and slowly traced over the exact same line again and again while he pressed harder each time until the paper began to dent. When a quiet laugh floated from the left side of the room, he refused to lift his head.

His mind was far away. He was still back in the courtyard, feeling the cold water at the bathroom sink, and fighting the heaviness that stayed locked in his chest.

No one was watching him anymore. The whispers had stopped when the quiet sound of the lecture replaced the gossip. But even without people looking directly at him, he still felt like something raw and broken inside him was completely exposed. When the class finally ended, he gathered his things in silence and walked out into the hallway without meeting anyone's eyes.

—

During lunch, Seojun and Ji-hu were standing with a few classmates near the designated smoking area behind the art building. The late spring sun was filtering through the narrow alley as it caught the white edges of cigarette smoke. Seojun exhaled slowly while he kept one hand tucked deep into his coat pocket. Ji-hu did not smoke and never had, but he stood beside Seojun anyway with his arms loosely crossed as he half-listened to the conversation.

"That girl from this morning... seriously, what's her deal?" one of the guys asked. "She was yelling loud enough for the entire architecture building to hear."

"She's trouble," another guy said as he dragged on his cigarette. "Yeah, she's always been pretty, but she's a headache."

"Ya, what about the guy she was yelling at, though?" the first guy asked. "He seemed like kind of a pushover, didn't he?"

Seojun looked straight ahead without saying a single word because he just wanted to shut them all up.

"Still," the first guy continued. "Hyung, when you stepped in? That was legendary. I mean, the timing was damn near perfect."

The group laughed together. Ji-hu smiled faintly but stayed completely quiet. He looked sideways at Seojun, and his friend's face was showing a strange expression that only Ji-hu seemed to notice.

That was exactly when Seojun saw him.

Up ahead near the vending machines at the corner of the next building, Yeonjun was standing with a small group of students. He looked tall and casual while he smiled at something one of them said. The sunlight was hitting his hair just right as it turned the strands into a vibrant shade of gold. His posture was completely relaxed. He kept one hand in his pocket while his other hand gestured mid-conversation.

Seojun kept looking at him, and the noise around the smoking area slowly faded away. He was not hearing the gossip anymore because all he could see was Yeonjun.

The boy's warm brown eyes were curving softly when he smiled, and his long lashes cast light shadows on his cheeks. His lips were full and pink as they looked just a bit more flushed than usual. 

Seojun found himself watching the way those lips moved with every single word. They looked incredibly soft and inviting, like they were just waiting to be kissed. 

Yeonjun's skin was catching the morning light, and it looked so smooth and clear that it seemed like he had never known a bad day in his life. The natural glow made it impossible for Seojun to look away.

His build was strong and much broader than the type Seojun usually preferred. Seojun always liked boys with slimmer bodies. He liked guys he could easily hold and control, guys who laughed easily and wore too many bracelets. His usual hookups were the kind of boys who looked like little brothers standing beside him. 

But this architecture student was completely different with his quiet eyes and his calm, heavy presence.

For some reason, just thinking about someone else seeing Yeonjun like this was making Seojun feel intensely uncomfortable. It was not just a simple attraction. Seojun wanted to own him completely. He could not stop staring, and he absolutely hated the thought of anyone else doing the same.

I'm so screwed, he thought to himself.

There was something deeply captivating about Han Yeonjun. He looked clean, bright, and strangely fragile. 

Seojun felt his fingers moving on their own because his hands desperately wanted to touch the older boy just to make sure he was real.

Seojun dragged in another deep breath of smoke, but the nicotine did not help calm his racing mind at all. It felt like gravity had locked onto his body as it dragged him forward before his brain could even catch up. 

He started walking toward the vending machines without thinking. Ji-hu sighed heavily and followed right behind him.

When Yeonjun saw the punk-looking art student coming closer, he stared at Seojun like he was trying to figure out what the guy wanted. 

Yeonjun's eyes were visibly tired, and there was something quiet and heavy hiding behind them. 

After a long moment, Yeonjun finally offered a small, careful smile. It was soft but real enough to avoid seeming rude.

Seojun did not expect that gentle smile to feel so incredibly real, so he sighed quietly.

How does a boy even smile like that? he wondered. He knew deep down that even this tired, half-hearted expression looked absolutely amazing to him.

He stopped walking for a moment before he quickly smiled back. He was desperately looking for something to say, so he just started speaking without thinking.

"Hey. Again," Seojun said. "Uh, there's a welcome party tonight for the architecture department. You going?"

Yeonjun's smile immediately disappeared. His eyes grew careful again, and he answered without showing much interest.

"I'm not much of a party person," he said. "Sorry."

Then the blond boy turned around and walked away without saying another word. Seojun quickly called out after him as he retreated.

"It's cool! Just thought I'd ask! I'm Kim Seojun, by the way!"

Ji-hu elbowed his older friend in the ribs and playfully messed up his hair.

"Hyung," Ji-hu said. "That guy's straight. You've got zero chance. I mean, zero."

But Seojun did not react to the teasing at all. He simply moved Ji-hu's hand off his head while he kept watching Yeonjun walk away across the courtyard. There was something magnetic in that careful smile and in that heavy quietness. It felt like the ground had shifted completely under his feet, and it left Seojun standing there alone with a racing heart.

Yeah… I'm so fucked, Seojun thought.

"I'm doing something tonight, Ji-hu," Seojun said. "Something I probably should have done a long time ago."