"Are you sure about going through with this?"

Niyar turned to his father,replying calmly.

"Father...I won't change my decision, please don't have mercy on me if I try to back out later, but compel me to complete it to the end."

---

The dormitory bell rang on Saturday morning. Oh Allah, who could it be now? I still hadn't recovered from the trip back to the dormitory last night—I left on Thursday evening and returned on Friday evening. I opened the door after washing my hands, which were stained with cheese because I was hungry and making a sandwich. I rubbed my eyes for a moment. Oh, the male version of Aysel. I was seeing him up close for the first time. I turned slightly and called out loudly: "Aysel, your brother is here!" But he quickly interrupted me, saying: "I'm here for you, sister. Aren't you Joyce, Niyar's sister?"

"Yes,I am. Is it because of some trouble he's gotten into or what?"

He rubbed his neck,at a loss for how to begin.

"I swear to you,can you look into his matter? By my life, I didn't see him sleep all night. He was mostly going back and forth to the bathroom. He spent the whole night vomiting, and he hasn't put any food in his mouth since he entered the dormitory yesterday. Every time I tried to talk to him and help, he pushed me away. I'm going crazy from hearing his faint moans from the room. I don't know if he's crying or in pain. On top of that, he seems to constantly scratch his arms until they bleed, and his face—oh Allah, what can I say? His dark circles are intensely dark, and his eyes are pale and withered."

Oh Merciful, oh Compassionate! He suddenly burst out with words at me, as if he'd been waiting for this moment since morning. But his tone told me of his deep concern for Niyar. Yet, I had no power or strength; Niyar's condition was difficult, and I didn't know what to do about it. I was about to reply when a young man passed by the dormitory and called out to him.

"Aster!What are you doing here?"

With black hair and sleepy black eyes that shimmered against his fair skin,a white shirt and a black woolen jacket that created a beautiful harmony with his light brown pants, he dragged his bag and headed toward us.

"Athir,was today your return date?"

"Yes,today. How it breaks my heart that you forgot. Don't you miss me?"

He said with a feigned sad tone,aiming for sarcasm.

"Where do I begin,Athir?"

"Don't you dare start, I beg you! Don't repeat what you said to me again."Why did I have to listen to this?

My wishes were hard to fulfill.The one called Athir turned to me after hearing Aster's chatter, stared for a bit, and muttered:

"Wait a minute...you... we've met before."

"Athir,this isn't the time for joking with her, and you're not the type of person I know to do that. Focus with us and help a little."

I stared at him for seconds,and then we both exclaimed at the same time.

"The nursing course affiliated with the academy."

"I knew it,Niyar's sister."

Aster looked between us.

"You know each other?That makes it easier for us; let's find a solution to our problem."

"Ah...Niyar, I think I can help with this matter, but he'll resist me, so we need someone to force him to cooperate."

He said,looking toward me.

"Ah,well, I'll see if there's anything I can bring to help and bring it with me."

I immediately yielded to their hint.

"Bring your sister with you."

Aster replied to my surrender before he turned and left with Athir.Then, I went to tell Aysel to change her clothes so she could come with me. I went up to my room and put on a suitable shirt, as I was covering myself with a blanket when I opened the door—this is a habit I picked up from Lia. I took some supplies and put them in my bag, for I know Niyar very well, and I know I have to treat him like a child in this state.

I hurried down and left with Aysel, as those two led us into the dormitory. Aysel said, complaining:

"And now,can you two tell me why you're dragging me here, you two tall fools?"

"We can't bring a girl to a boys'dormitory alone, Aysel. All we need from you, my sister, is to sit in my room and leave the door open until Joyce finishes what she came for."

Aster said as he led us up the stairs,with Athir behind us dragging his bag.

"The room is at the end of the hall,right?"

"How did you know that?"

Ah,that introvert. I knew it; even in choosing rooms, his isolated side was clear.

I approached the room and knocked on the door...no response, of course. Silence broken only by the rustle of the blankets, suggesting someone was in the room. I knocked again; silence, no reply, but I knew he was awake inside.

I tried to open the door,which was locked.

"Are there spare keys for the rooms?"

"They're in the locker;shall I get them?"

"Yes,please."

After a few minutes,Aster returned with the keys, followed by Athir, who had been in his room. I slowly opened the door and entered the room, approaching the bed tucked away in the corner. Niyar was curled up under his blankets. I sat on the edge of his bed and carefully removed the blanket from his head to see his face stained with tears and blood. He didn't look at me or notice my presence; he was hugging a stuffed bear in his arms—that bear he carries whenever he's overcome with longing. I patted his shoulder, trying to get his attention.

"Niyar...look at me... come on, my dear."

Heslowly curled himself toward me, and then wrapped his arms around me, burying his face against my shoulder. I felt his body trembling then. I ran my fingers through his hair, caressing it. He lifted his head and stared at me, and his tears immediately overflowed, so he lowered his head, trying to hide them.

"Joyce...don't leave me... can you stay here today?"

He said,feigning calm in his voice. How could calm find a place in his state? I hugged him tightly, hoping to ease his distress.

"Where are your sedatives,Niyar? Have you taken them?"

He nodded slowly.I moved him away from me a little to make him lie down on his bed again. He looked at me with his withered, exhausted eyes. He wanted to speak but turned to the other side. Did he think I was planning to leave him and go back? I slowly got up from the bed and headed to his closet.

"Shall I get you some clothes to shower?"

"No need for that...I'll shower later, and I've already taken out some clothes."

He said without looking at me.I pulled him by his arm with force to make him get up, but he crumpled to the floor.

"Couldn't you just say you can't move?"

I said that and went to call Athir.When I returned, I found Niyar still in his previous position, sitting on the floor with his head down. Athir knelt in front of him, wrapped his arm around his waist to support him, and led him to the bathroom. After a few minutes, Athir returned and asked me:

"What does he eat when he's nauseous?Is there anything specific he prefers?"

I nodded.

"He likes toast with salad."

"Toast with salad?Oh... I'll prepare it for him, and you stay with him while he finishes his shower."

"No,I'll prepare it, because he eats it with specific standards. You stay with him; he might need support."

I went down to the kitchen and started preparing what was needed.It took me some time, and I won't deny that I got lost in my thoughts a little. I turned off the stove and took the food back to Niyar's room. I entered to find him lying in his bed, with Athir struggling to convince him to sit up and dry his hair. I placed the food on his desk, and Athir stood up when he saw me, so I sat on the edge of the bed, took the towel, and pulled Niyar toward me to dry his hair, while he rested his head on my shoulder. The sheets and blankets, which had previously been stained with blood, were now clean, and his hands were bandaged tightly. It seemed Athir had done a good job. I dried his hair well, then got up, pulled out the foldable table from beside the closet, and placed the food on it in front of him. I encouraged him to eat, even though I could see the aversion on his face.

He picked up the spoon reluctantly to eat, but as soon as he put the first bite in his mouth, he burst into tears.

"Uncle...Beyram."

The food mixed with tears in his mouth—the simple food I madethe way my dear cousin (my grandfather's son) taught me, the meal Beyram, who was like a father to him, always prepared for Niyar.

I held back my tears from overflowing as I saw him choking on his food from crying.For him... Beyram's death two weeks ago wasn't that long ago; it was just yesterday. The realization had hit him late, and of all of us, he was the most deeply wounded by the loss.

With difficulty, he finished a quarter of his food, then took his sedatives and slept. I stayed by his side until his breathing stabilized and he sank into deep sleep. I placed some medications next to him in case he woke up later, and I was sure he wouldn't need them, as his roommates wouldn't leave him alone. But precaution was necessary. I tucked him in well and kissed his forehead before leaving.