The first morning at the academy felt like stepping into another world the air was sharp the ground hard the sky pale and wide over the training field rows of recruits stood shoulder to shoulder uniforms crisp faces tense no one smiled the instructors walked past us like soldiers made of iron their boots heavy their voices louder than sirens I had imagined this place for years but now that I was here I realized imagination was soft reality was steel

We were told to line up and run the perimeter before the sun rose by the second lap half of us were already gasping I kept my eyes on the back of the person in front of me counting breaths ignoring the sting in my chest I didn’t want to be the girl who fell behind I didn’t want to be noticed at all I just wanted to endure the man beside me glanced over once maybe surprised to see someone smaller keeping pace he muttered not bad and I nodded without speaking

The instructors didn’t treat anyone gently they yelled until our voices were hoarse they made us crawl through dirt carry hoses up endless stairs drag dummies twice our weight through smoke filled halls by the end of the first week my hands were blistered my knees bruised my arms shaking but I loved it I loved the exhaustion that came with purpose every night when I fell onto the thin mattress in the dorm I felt like my bones were made of fire and my heart of iron

There were moments when I doubted myself when the gear felt too heavy when the mask fogged with my breath when I saw the men finish faster stronger easier but each time I thought about quitting I remembered the night that started all of this the voice that had shouted through the smoke the hand that had pulled me out I told myself he had carried weight heavier than this a child through flames if he could do that I could do this

Some recruits didn’t make it through the first month one sprained his ankle another dropped out saying it wasn’t worth it we all watched quietly as they packed their things it felt like watching dreams fold into boxes I promised myself I wouldn’t be one of them I wanted to earn the respect of the instructors not with words but with consistency

There was one instructor Captain Rivera a tall man with a calm face and eyes that could see through excuses he didn’t shout as much as the others he watched more than he spoke one day after a drill he walked up to me while I was cleaning my mask he said you don’t give up easily do you I said no sir he nodded that’s good because fire doesn’t care if you’re tired remember that it doesn’t rest it doesn’t wait and neither can you his words stayed with me longer than any lecture

The second month was harder the drills longer the temperatures higher they lit controlled fires inside the training house and sent us in pairs to navigate through smoke the first time I entered I felt the heat wrap around me like an old memory my heartbeat echoed in the mask the visibility was almost zero I crawled forward listening to the sound of my partner’s breathing ahead of me the fire hissed and cracked and for a moment I felt eight years old again trapped inside my burning house my throat tightened but I kept moving when I found the exit the instructor was waiting his eyes hidden behind the visor he said good work Lin you kept your head that’s what saves lives

At night the dorms smelled of sweat and smoke we talked quietly before lights out some of the guys asked why I was there I told them the truth they didn’t laugh they just nodded one said you’ve got more guts than most of us that meant more to me than any award

By the end of the training quarter I had learned how to fall without fear how to stand fast in heat how to trust the person beside me more than myself the academy wasn’t just about learning to fight fire it was about learning to face yourself stripped of comfort and excuses and still keep walking into the blaze