My body swings itself upright. I turn my head around and look at the time. It’s 2 am, still dark outside. My head looks in the other direction to the mirror. A figure shaded in night moves in the mirror and stares back at me. Part of me still trembles at the sight, but the other part of me grows exhausted. So tired that rest is out of reach, so drained that another figure must plaster itself in front of my mirror. The feeling borders numbness, and raw empty anger. 

Instead of acknowledging its pathetic existence I chose to scroll on my phone for a bit. I go through all social media like its scripture. My eyes move unblinkingly until they begin to water at the light. Obsession and curiosity fuels my desire to search deeper. 

Maria has been doing well in medical school, Justin is working as a nurse in the neurology unit, and Sohee is back in Korea studying chemistry. Everyone is quickly running around me in circles as I sit in my room. Trapped by my own state of anxiety. I need to start moving around, I need to get help, I want to be free. But the walls around me seem to shriek and shrink at me in all directions.

The eyes kept pulling my attention towards it. My frustration began to boil over, so I decided to use that as a target. A sort of stress relief. I got up and slammed my hand through the mirror. I reached in for the creature’s neck and began to squeeze. As I continue to tighten my grip, scratches and bruises color my arm in retaliation. I held my hand there, pouring out all my grievances into my fist. Until I heard a crack form in my mirror. I had to pull my arm out so it wouldn’t break the mirror with all the energy I was channeling. So I pulled its neck out with my hand. I held it so close to my chest, so much so that it could hear my own heartbeat. Something that it would never have again.

Its hollow eyes stare at me, almost undressing my nerves. I knelt to the floor and slammed my fist down in fury.  With my other hand dug into its upper mouth, I ripped it open and tossed the other half of its mishappened head to the wall. Mist forms on the floor where the monster laid, and soon it spread to the rest of my room as the monster drifted away from existence. I looked at my hands and saw them tremble. I didn’t know what I felt right now. All I felt was the pound of my heart against my chest. 

But soon I hear feet stomping in the distance. Panic laced in each step. “Irene!” My father barges through my door with my grandmother in tow. They look around and back at me. They fanned their hands at the smoke. 

“Was it another monster?” my grandmother asked. Her voice laced with fatigue and pity. 

“Ya.” My head felt empty. Not a single thought of conversation floated through my head. I knew that they wanted comfort. They wanted me to tell them not to worry. But I didn’t have the spark to lie.

My father began to rub his forehead before he extended a hand out to me. “Should we just remove this mirror all together?”

I meekly smile. “Then how would I get to look at my outfits when I leave?”

“Are you sure you’re looking close enough then?” my younger brother retorted as he walked inside my room. He opened the window and started to fan out the mist. “Can’t these stupid monsters just die outside, how do they even enter our house?”

Grandmother rubs the bridge of her nose. Each line on her face sharpens with stress. I only look away. It’s always my fault anyways.

“Looks like we’re having a family meeting here.” My mother said jokingly. 

“Great, just what we need, another useless meeting.” My brother walks to my bed and jumps on it. “Why do they even like you this much sis?” 

“Enough.” My grandmother held her hand high. “Let’s go back to sleep.” Obediently everyone left and went back into their rooms. But I couldn’t sleep. And I hated being told what to do. So I decided to go to one room that always helped calm my nerves. 

The room was right across from mine, and situated itself next to my brother’s room. As I opened its door the smell of dried roses wafted into my direction. The cold greeted me eagerly afterwards, hugging my arms tightly. I blink several times until my eyes adjusted to the dark. My sister didn’t seem asleep either as she stared unmovingly outside her window. I calmly close the door and approach her. 

Her face basked in the clear moonlight. She looked like a still painting that couldn’t quite grasp the feeling of life. It didn’t help that her eyes carried no reflection, no greed for the light. 

I placed my hand on her head and gently rubbed her cheek. She slowly turned to me and smiled. There was nothing behind the way she expressed herself. There was no emotion behind her motions. And it pained me to see her like this. “I promise I’ll find your other half. Even if it kills me.”

Her smile dropped and she passively lowered her head. I wanted her to lash out, to hit me, to express anything but this. I wanted my sister back. I wanted all her strengths as well as her tantrums back to me. 

Her hands clasped onto mine with such force it nearly startled me back into place. “Enjoy.” That was the first word I heard her say in years. I was about to call our parents inside. She was struggling to move her lips. “Your life.” She lifted her face and stared into my eyes. It felt alive and full of vigor. But in a few seconds it melted away like ice in the heat. And she reverted back into her own shell.

Tears began to fall down my eyes, drenching my face in warmth. Oh how I miss my sister.