The new decade arrived like a promise and I was ready to believe in it the eighties were done washed away by champagne and regret the world wanted something cleaner newer smarter computers getting faster markets opening across oceans Japan glowing like a miracle of discipline and perfection every analyst said this was the future and for once it felt true
I was thirty now a decade in the game the young kid from Queens turned into someone who wore tailored suits and spoke in numbers instead of words the firm had changed names after a merger but the soul was the same we still chased the next high only now we did it with more technology and less conscience
Carter ran the international desk and pulled me with him said it’s time to see the world kid Tokyo’s calling I had never been farther than Florida but when he said Tokyo he made it sound like destiny
The first time I landed there I felt like I had stepped into the future the city glowing with order trains humming on time men in dark suits bowing with precision even the neon lights looked polite but underneath all that calm you could smell money thick and sweet the Nikkei breaking records every week property prices reaching the sky everyone rich or pretending to be
We opened an office in Shinjuku small at first then larger clients poured in Japanese banks hungry for American leverage American traders hungry for Japanese liquidity the perfect marriage of ambition and arrogance
I worked days that felt like weeks slept little ate sushi from convenience stores smiled through meetings where I barely understood the language but completely understood the greed it was universal it needed no translation
Carter said this is the golden age enjoy it before it burns I laughed thought he was joking but there was something in his eyes that wasn’t
One night after another endless session of trading futures and drinking whiskey with bankers who never seemed to stop smiling I walked alone through the Shibuya crossing watching the lights change the sea of people moving as one perfect flow I felt small again the way I did on my first day back in New York only now the hunger had shape and history
I called home from my hotel my father answered half asleep asked where I was I said Japan he said Japan Jesus son what’s next the moon I laughed but there was a pause afterward the kind that reminds you how far away you’ve drifted from the person you used to be
Back at the office Carter started warning about the cracks under the shine said too much debt too fast too easy but no one listened when money’s flowing everyone’s deaf I didn’t listen either
We started packaging loans selling them back to the same banks that made them circular profit endless motion everyone winning on paper
I remember one meeting where a banker told me the land under the Imperial Palace was worth more than all of California I laughed he didn’t that should have been the sign but greed makes fools of smart men
By ninety one the charts started trembling small dips dismissed as corrections whispers turning to worry we told our clients it was temporary we told ourselves the same
Then one morning the Nikkei dropped like a stone phones ringing faster than I could answer words like liquidity collapse margin call echoing across languages fear sounds the same everywhere
Carter looked at me said the party’s over kid
And for the second time in my life I watched a miracle turn to smoke
But this time I didn’t panic I traded through it cold steady detached maybe that’s what experience really means not wisdom just numbness the ability to keep moving while everything burns
When it was over the losses were legendary Japan’s dream cracked wide open and we packed our bags heading home leaving behind skyscrapers of debt and silence
As the plane lifted off I looked down at the city lights fading beneath the clouds and thought how every boom looks like a sunrise until you realize it’s just fire on the horizon