Kicking off my shoes at the door and dropping my backpack in the middle of the floor, I yawn and stretch my arms overhead as I make myself at home. The grand entry hall is all white marble trimmed with gold fixtures and gold statues and gold everything, really. A big fancy fountain spews its beautiful crystalline waters in the center of the grand staircase that winds around the far wall in a semicircle. It smells like steak and spices, wine and potatoes, rosemary and thyme.

"Oh, sick. I'm just in time for dinner."

"You are." Pops hovers for a second, and I can tell he's questioning if he should try to hug me or not, but he decides against it and walks past me. Damn right. Good choice. "Your uncle is here already."

"Uncle. Uncle?" I trot after him. "Hello? Which one? Like, true uncle? Your actual brothers? Or, like, extended family or siblings I just happen to call uncles?"

"Brothers. Take a guess. Fifty fifty."

"Well, knowing you, it's gotta be my big dawg Uncle P, right?"

He casts me a sideways look.

"Uncle Hades is here? Sick! Fuck yeah! But why though?"

"Something I'm sure you're now intimately familiar with. The incarceration of his daughter."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm intimately familiar with Anna, that's for sure."

He snorts, shaking his head. "Don't make jokes like that around him."

"I'm not joking."

"You had sex with your cousin?"

"What? No! I said I'm intimately familiar! There's more than one form of intimacy, Dad! Not that you would know, you slut! And how many of your cousins have you fucked, huh? I don't wanna hear it! Anyway, on the topic of my raging and extremely active sex life, I got way more than just my lightning powers from you, old man. But you know what makes me infinitely better than you?"

"I know, I know, you're a student of–"

"I'm a student of Sappho! Bitch! Not–Not that it prevents me from exposure a hundred percent. We are trans inclusive up in these holes."

"Please, stop talking. Exposure?"

"To the parasitic sexually transmitted virus known as pregnancy! No more Demigods coming from me! Or... Quartergods? I dunno."

"Legacies."

"Right, sure, that."

We go into the kitchen, which also hasn't changed in the slightest. It's a grandiose place, a temple of its own, dedicated to perfectly prepared food and the hosting of guests and the flowing of wine and whatever else. Columnworks and grape vines, marble flooring and decadent seating, a long white table set with fancy adornments, candles, candles, and more candles.

Greek. Grecian. Classical. Whatever.

Standing at the island is Uncle Hades, sharp as a knife in an all black three piece suit. I dart over and nearly tackle him. "Uncle Hades! Uncle Hades! What the fuck is up, gangster?"

"What's up, storm?" he snickers, giving me a big hug. When he lets go, he takes my hands and checks me over. "You're intact. Unharmed?"

"Unscathed. Unbothered, even. Moisturized. In my lane. Thriving. I elbow bombed a tank. Folded. No big deal."

He proudly nods. "These are dangerous times to be a Demigod, Nicole. I'm quite honestly relieved to see you've managed to evade this newest initiative of the city's."

As Dad takes the roasted rosemary potato wedges out of the oven, I pluck one up to eat. The scalding infernal temperatures play at my tongue like they're nothing but an added texture. While chewing, I shrug. "Yeah. They tried to SWAT me earlier today. Guess you know that already. Mm. Needs more salt."

After grinding some salt over them, Dad turns on the TV and flips to the news. There it is, the coverage of my awesome scrap and the details of my daring, thrilling, titillating escape from custody. Oh, hell yeah. This publicity is so gonna get me laid. As if I need any help with that! Heyo!

Dad lets out a troubled hum, arms crossed. "They're likely to check here next, little storm."

"Yeah, but I'm safe. Right?"

Neither of them answer me.

I wince a little. "Right?"

Dad serves up the steaks. "There's a problem with that."

Uncle Hades cuts me a piece of his and pours me a glass of the wine. "Diplomacy."

The fat melts in my mouth and the spice and flavor makes my spine tingle and my eyes roll back into my skull. Oh, fuck yes. More of that. In response to Uncle H, with my mouth full, I groan. "Come onnn. You're Gods. What can anyone do to the Gods?"

"Tie our hands," Dad sighs, cutting into his. "Issue ultimatums, implement sanctions, threaten legal action..."

Uncle Hades explains, "Things have come a long way since the days of old, Nicole. We've given up a good amount of immunity and agreed to certain binding legal agreements in order to appease the masses and reduce strain between the Divine and the Earthly."

"I remember," I sigh, elbow on the table to prop my chin on the heel of my hand as I swirl my red wine. "All those old documents and whatever, the declarations, and the constitutions, and the treaties, and the 'we agree to stop destroying shit all the time's. Dumb."

Dad's phone starts to ring. "Excuse me."

"Rude," I say, flipping him off as he goes. "I'm glued to my phone but even I know it's dinnertime."

Uncle Hades responds with, "This is a temperamental moment in time. Whatever it is, it must be important."

"What's going on, Unc? What's even happening?"

"Your father and I will explain shortly. In simple terms, there's something of a coup happening. Or rather an attempt at seizing some of what power we have left."

"I don't see why the Divines can't just break those stupid contracts and remind everyone why they shouldn't dare to fuck with you."

"In everything, Nicole, there are consequences. Actions and reactions. We've agreed to cooperate with humanity in these modern times of relative peace. At this point, however, if tensions continue to go unmitigated, it could mean conflict."

"And we would fucking annihilate all these insignificant Regular motherfuckers."

"Which is something we want to avoid. Forgive my preaching with this: you do not know war, Nicole. You certainly don't know divine war. And in most of our hearts, our wrathful and destructive tendencies are things of the past. We as a collective wish to continue to pursue peace. To this end, we need to compromise and practice some metered amount of compliance."

"But they're challenging you. Challenging us. Compliance will only see them taking more and more. Hello? The Rhinelands? Poland? Give an inch and they take the Nile!"

"That's not how the saying goes."

"Huh? Yes, it is. Inch, the Nile. Right?"

"Listen. There is balance in all things. And fear not, little storm. There is a limit to our compliance. Boundaries are set in place and will be enforced should the need arise. The question, and the immediate issue at hand, is where do we draw the current line? What are we willing to cede and what are we going to fight to hold onto? The Divines must commune and come to an agreement. And that takes time."

"Whatever, man. So, what are we even doing? What's the plan?"

"That's what your father and I are meeting to discuss. It's fortunate that you're here. I implore you to join us."

"Well, yeah, I'm not going anywhere. There's free food and wine here!"

He lets out his dry wheezing laugh. "A touch of Dionysus in you, that's for certain."

"That's a mighty fine compliment right there, my good man!"

Dad comes back. "The others wish to speak. Right now."

"Let's."

"Word."

Dad nods and brings up the conference call and I stifle laughter. It's just a fucking Zoom meeting on the smart TV. I expected something more fantastical for the Gods of Yore. A handful join immediately, and the audio blares from a jet going overhead somewhere. Dad shouts at Tēzcatlīpōca, the Smoking Mirror, to mute himself. Meanwhile Kali Ma is going off on a tirade but it's completely silent because she forgot to unmute herself.

I am weeping.

Dad calls everything to order as the remaining Divines join the conference call. "Everyone, everyone, slow down. One at a time. Please."

"Gods, Goddesses, and Deities," says Yemoja, powerfully elegant voice dominating the call. Yes! Power! Love her! She's a total badass–the Yoruba Orisha of rivers. "All of us are facing the same conflict, so all of us have this anger in common. Be at peace and at ease, while knowing full well your grievances will be heard and acted upon."

The chat quiets down accordingly. Nice. I pour myself some more of the two hundred year vintage. This shit ain't half bad. While Yemoja explains the basics of what Uncle Hades just told me, I check out the call attendees and check my knowledge, trying to remember who's who. All of them have Demigods around my age, all of whomst are my friends, so I should know these Gods.

Probably.

There's Amaterasu, the Shinto Goddess of the Sun. Then Longshen Bailong, the White Dragon of the West, Chinese Deity of the Autumn season. Old Thor is up in the corner glowering–he and Dad have long standing beef over who rules the storm. We do, obviously. Bastet I know for sure, and am a little afraid of, because I dated her daughter for years. It ended, uh, not well. Coyote and Tēzcatlīpōca are both native to the Americas–the former is a trickster God and the latter is a wind and hurricane deity. Then there's blue skinned Kali, Hindu Goddess of Time, Change, and Power.

And then...

*Sighs with sapphic yearning...*

Morrigan, Marzanna, and Hecate, all in the same camera feed together. Celtic, Slavic, and Grecian Goddesses of Witchcraft and many other amazing things that I love and adore them for. I'm the power throuple's biggest fan. The three of them make up Bloodmoon, the most badass metal band in all of existence, and I go to all their concerts when they're on tour.

I've always had a massive crush on Hecate. Ohhh, she's so perfect.

Trying to beat down my desperate lesbian lust despite the fact that, damn, my lesbian lust got hands, I lean over to Uncle Hades and ask, "Who's the Maori one again?"

"That's Rūaumoko, God of Earthquakes, Volcanoes, and Seasons."

"He looks pissed."

"We all are."

Yemoja draws my attention by saying, "Regardless of our desires for peace, this mass incarceration initiative of our children is a clear and blatant act of hostility. The city's leadership, all of whom are in NasCorp's pockets, are making a statement of provocation, and I, for one, say we respond in kind."

Fucking NasCorp! Late stage capitalist scum that got so bloated they took over the government and shit. Like, 'drinking water is a privilege' level evil corporate bullshit.

What else is there to say?

The backstory writes itself.

After a good number of the other Divines voice agreements, Dad sighs. "Need I remind you that they have your children in custody, and can therefore do whatever they like with them? Torture, violence, interrogation, experimentation–if we act in any official capacity that can be even so much as interpreted as an act of retaliation, your children will receive retaliation in kind."

Their Demigods. Not his. Because, uh...

WE STILL OUT HERE❗❗❗😂👌💯🔥

Bastet croons in response, "You're correct, Zeus. As we discussed earlier, I say we must act in an unofficial capacity. Through more... clandestine means. How is my darling little Nicole, hm? Is she there with you now?"

Dad slowly nods. "She's sitting just off camera."

I lean over the table, going for a diplomatic smile and a sideways peace sign. "Gods. Goddesses. Deities. Divines. It's an honor. Bastet, heru nefer, hekenu, udja har... tenu? Little rusty."

She grins, her black tail swishing. "Em hotep, Nicole. Not bad for being rusty. It's a welcome sight seeing you unharmed, sweetie."

"And unimpeded," Yemoja adds, leaning closer. "You somehow escaped capture. Explain yourself, Nicole. How is it that our Demigods ended up in the corporate owned regime's custody yet you haven't?"

"Um. Heh. [TAPAS CENSOR: JOKE ABOUT VIOLENCE]."

The musical sound of one distinct person's laughter rings out like wedding bells, and the lower left panel's perimeter lights up. My dearly beloved Goddess Hecate herself snickers, "Apologies, Divines. I'm not even here."

YESSS!!!! I MADE HER LAAAAAAUGH!!!!! AUUGHHDSHAHDH!!!!!1!!!

Yemoja hums. "What a remarkable windfall you are, Nicole."

"Remind me," Kali Ma says, "how old are you, Nicole?"

"Twenty five."

"A spinster!" Coyote laughs.

"Bruh! I'm not that old!"

"Old enough," Amaterasu responds. "I think we've found our unofficial capacity."

A good number of them voice agreement.

Well! This sure took a turn!

Yemoja gets closer to her camera and declares, "Nicole Artemis Astoria, you are hereby charged with the task of freeing the twelve incarcerated Demigods of Primeval from imprisonment, wherever they may be incarcerated, however they may be restrained, and by whomever dares to think they can trifle with the Divines without consequence."

"Wha-heyyy, alrighty then! I'm down! How loud can I be?"

"Very," she states with authority. "We will collaboratively deny, deny, deny. And you will not be caught nor implicate us with anything regarding this conversation having ever happened. As far as the story goes, these are your friends and colleagues, and you're acting independently in their best interest, not ours. Do you accept this Divine charge, Nicole?"

"Hell yeah! Let's rock! When do I start?"

"Right now."

I clap my hands. "A'ight, I'ma head out. It's been real. I don't know most of you personally, but uh, I bid you my humblest farewells, Divines, Gods, Deities, and most importantly, Goddesses. Bastet, I hope to see you sometime soon in person. Morrigan, Marzanna, Hecate, all my love."

The three of them wave at me on screen. Oh, yes. Euphoric.

Bastet adds, "It's your turn on our word game, by the way."

"Oh, true! I'll get on that in a minute. Got some shit to do now!"

Dad hisses, "What do you think you're doing?"

"What's it sound like? I'm off to play the hero!"

"You're going to get yourself killed. Or worse."

I shrug him off, slipping away. "Like you've ever cared."

Without looking back to see the damage, I give Uncle Hades a half hug. He tells me, "Talk soon."

"Yep. Deuces, everyone! My gay ass is off to save the day!"