The months after the chemical fire felt strange the world around me moved slower as if time itself was catching its breath our faces had healed the bruises fading but the memory stayed like the smell of smoke buried deep in fabric impossible to wash out the city called us heroes again there were photos interviews words that sounded too big for what we had done I smiled for the camera but part of me felt hollow I didn’t want praise I wanted quiet

They gave me a commendation medal at a small ceremony in city hall the mayor shook my hand and said you make us proud LinLin I thanked him politely but all I could think about was the faces of the people still missing from the roster the ones who had never come home awards felt like ghosts too shiny to touch after the ceremony Mason slapped me on the back and said you’re famous now I laughed but it sounded tired he said you okay I said yeah just ready to get back to work and that was the truth

Back at the station things carried on the same as always drills reports cleaning endless cups of coffee the routine was the only thing that made sense routine was safe you could count on it when everything else was uncertain I noticed though that sometimes the younger recruits would watch me differently whisper my name when they thought I couldn’t hear maybe because of the article maybe because of the medal I didn’t feel different but to them I had become a story and stories have a way of growing bigger than the people inside them

Captain Rivera started assigning me more responsibilities supervising drills leading small response teams he said you’ve earned it Lin you’ve seen the worst and kept your head that’s what leadership looks like I wanted to tell him that keeping your head doesn’t mean keeping your heart intact but I just nodded I didn’t want to argue with respect

One evening after a quiet day we got a call about a small electrical fire in an old apartment building routine nothing major but when we arrived the hallways were thick with smoke and fear people panicking shouting kids crying I moved through it fast steady voice calm trying to guide them out we controlled it quickly no casualties but afterward an old woman grabbed my hand and said thank you sweetheart you saved us I smiled and said it’s what we do but her words stayed with me the way gratitude sometimes weighs heavier than sorrow

The next morning the local paper ran another story this time with a photo of me kneeling beside a child I had helped outside the fire caption read firefighter LinLin Lee the city’s guardian angel I stared at it for a long time feeling a strange mix of pride and discomfort angels don’t get tired angels don’t wake up shaking from dreams of fire I wanted to tell them I wasn’t an angel I was just a person trying not to break

At the next shift briefing Rivera caught me staring at the article he said fame comes with smoke too if you breathe too much of it you forget what clean air feels like don’t let them turn you into something you’re not I asked what am I then he said a firefighter that’s all and that’s enough

That night I sat outside on the steps of the station the city lights flickering like distant embers Mason joined me holding two sodas he handed me one and said we’re lucky you know to do what we love I said yeah even when it hurts he nodded said especially then

I thought about all the fires the people the chaos and how every blaze ended the same way with rising smoke drifting into the sky dissolving into nothing and yet each time it felt new maybe that’s what this job really was finding beauty in what fades standing beneath rising smoke and knowing you gave it meaning before it vanished

Before heading in I looked up at the sky faint traces of smoke still visible from a fire across town I whispered quietly thank you to no one and everyone the ones who came before the ones who would come after the ones who walked into the light and didn’t return the smoke rose higher catching the last bit of sun turning gold for a moment then disappearing just like always