After Halloween Mathew stopped shaving. He said he was doing no shave November. We’ve been pretty good since then. I go over everyday and leave at night. It’s Friday and the week has been flying by so fast. It felt like a month ago we barely started this school year. Now we’re almost done with two months left in this semester. I’m supposed to go to Mathew’s house after we hang out with the guys. 

We were at Marco’s for a while before we left. He seems to be spacing out today. I wonder what he’s thinking about. If he needs support or wants me to know he’ll tell me I guess. We get to his house and head to his room. He gave me a kiss when inside. I can feel his stubble when he kisses me. It’s almost a week since he hasn't shaved now so I can feel it every time he kisses me or puts his face on my skin. I don’t mind it, it's just different from what I’m used to. He basically has a mustache, goatee and the beard is also coming in now. 

That night we went straight to sleep. He was asleep by the time I was done washing my face and brushing my teeth. I guess he’s been tired from working maybe. The morning I woke up and he was still asleep. I woke him up so he could take me home. That morning he didn’t really say much, just okay that he would take me. He drove me home listening to his music. When we got to my house he kissed me and said bye. I got out of his truck and went inside. 

On Sunday afternoon I got a text from him to come over that we had to talk. I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about. I got ready and drove to his house. Maybe he was going to tell me what he’s been worrying about all week. He has been a little distant. He’s usually more loving and talkative. 

I get to his house and park in the driveway. It’s only about 8 o’clock so I go to his front door and tell him I’m here. I wait for a minute and he comes and opens it. We go up to his room and he hasn’t said a word since I stepped inside his house. He’s just sitting on his bed looking at his feet. 

“So? What did you want to talk about?” I asked him. 

He didn't say anything, just stayed still for a few seconds. I am starting to get nervous now. Could it be something serious? 

“I think that we should break up.” Matthew blurted.

I was shocked by what I heard. Break up? I must have heard him wrong. I stand still just staring at him. I’m starting to feel like a lost puppy in the middle of nowhere. 

“Break up? Why?” I stuttered.

“Because I don’t want to be with you anymore.” Mathew replied seriously. He's now sitting up looking at me with his elbow on his knees. 

“Then why did you tell me you loved me?” I asked, my eyes now starting to get watery. I tried to control my voice from cracking. It’s only been a week, what happened? 

“Because I did but I don’t anymore…“ Mathew replied coldly.

I started to pace. I laughed, “I told you we could have just kept it casual”, and he started to look at his feet again. “I told you we could just mess around!” I shouted. “You’re the one who wanted a relationship!” I pleaded. I’m now crying. I can feel the tears going down my face. “Why do they always do this? This could have just been nothing.” I whip the tears off my face and he stares at me with a serious face. “Now that I have feelings for you now you want to end it?” I sobbed. 

“I'm just not into you anymore. I don’t want to be with you.” He replied.

I stand there in front of him. I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest and ripped into millions of pieces in front of me. It doesn’t even look like he cares. “Okay.” I collect myself. I whip the tears off my face and leave his room. I walked past his parents room and heard the door open when I went down the stairs. 

I leave his house and get in the car. I don’t want to go home. I would have to walk in front of people. I didn’t want to be seen crying. I didn’t want anyone to ask me why I was crying. I didn’t want to have to lie. I didn’t even want them to know. That I was crying because the person I love doesn’t want me and now I’m alone. Now I will have to sleep alone. Now I wouldn't have someone who would be there with me. So this is why they say love hurts. Because once you’ve had it and lost it it feels like part of you has died. 

I drive around and park in an empty parking lot. I cried for a few hours till I couldn’t anymore. I went home once it was late and everyone would be sleeping. I go to my room. That night I cried myself to sleep hoping I would wake up and it was all just a bad dream. Why would he tell me he loved me a week ago just to break up with me in a week. Maybe he just wanted me to say it back and was done with me. He had fun and was over it now. 

It’s now Thursday and I had all gone back to normal. I’ve had time now and was done being sad and crying over Mathew. Tonight after I’m done babysitting I’ll be going to Marco’s. Our show we watch is back so we’ll be watching it together while it airs. At least have something on my mind to forget about Mathew. It’s honestly a good time we spend together. I leave his house and go to sleep once I get home. 

It’s Friday and we’re in the 2nd period. Today was one of those chill days we weren’t really doing much.

“Why did you stop posting on Alexis' story?” Kayle asked Mathew. After Mathew had told me people would know I’m his. After that day he took my phone everyday in our 6th period and posted something on my story. He would do random things. Post random selfies or pictures with people in class, the teacher, with us messing around. Mathew just posted something funny.

“Oh I just ran out of ideas.” Mathew replied.

“It was always funny, mostly your adventures or room tours of the class.” Kayle laughed. 

One day he asked to go to the bathroom and recorded his whole “adventure”. He went around the school looking for our friend group and recording them in class. He was talking over recording through the windows by the doors until he got caught and had to run back to class.

Everyone is talking amongst themselves in their conversations at lunch. “Oh. I won’t be able to take you home today.” Marco tells me. Marco has driven me to school again. I had stopped giving him excuses as to why I was driving to school.

“That’s fine.” I replied.

“Maybe one of the guys can take you. Mathew, could you take him home?” Mathew looks up at him then me. 

“Nnno it’s fine I’ll ask Troy or uhm one of my friends.” I reply as fast as I can and stutter. I was turning to ask Troy when Mathew spoke. 

“No it’s fine I’ll take you. Meet me at my locker after school.” Mathew sternly said, returning his face to his phone. This was the first time we’ve talked all week. 

 After school I do as I was told to go straight to his locker. I was starting to think he forgot when he got there late. Doesn’t say a word, unlocks his locker, puts in some folders and turns around. “Let’s go.” Mathew said, closing his locker. Back to how it was before. Barely ever sharing a word. 

I followed behind him with my arms crossed. He pushed his way through all the other students. I walked behind, walking in the path he was making. We get to his truck and he gets inside. When I open the door he moves things off the passenger seat, throwing them to the back seat. I noticed one of the things was a piece of clothing. The whole way to my house he didn’t say a word just had his music on. Once he gets to my house I open the door and get out. I walk up to the door, unlock it and go inside. Mathew drives off. At least he still waited for me to go inside. 

It’s now Wednesday next week. It’s been over a week now since we’ve broken up. I had started to hang out more with my friends for the time I used to spend with him. I thought Mathew was only avoiding me. But at lunch I realized it wasn’t just me. 

“Bro why don’t you hang out with us anymore?” Chis asked Mathew. Mathew ignored him. “It’s cool if you’re going through something just don’t avoid us.” 

“Yeah. Is it because of that girl you were talking to?” Jace interjected. “Who was it? You never told us. Did she cheat on you?” Jace kept asking questions. 

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m just busy with work.” Mathew replied. But Chris, Marco, and Troy also work with him and he would avoid them there too. 

“Fuck em. They dumped you, who cares! Always someone better. Besides Don’t worry about her, she's probably a slut.” Jace commented. “So who was it?” 

I think Mathew cracked. “IF I WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU!” Mathew shouted at all of us. You could tell everyone got scared. Everyone just looked at him.

“Chill. Just leave him alone.” Marco told everyone. We all just ate our food in silence. You could feel the tension with no one looking up. The bell rang and we left. Mathew had skipped the class we had together after lunch. 

Friday afternoon we were all hanging out and again Mathew didn’t come. He didn’t even text back in the group chat. We just went out without him.This was the start of Thanksgiving break. Saturday night was the same thing. We all hung out at Troy’s and Tori’s house. We started or more like they started to talk about Mathew and how he’s not around anymore. 

“Yeah he’s been acting differently since after Halloween.“ Kayle commented. 

“Yeah he was also drunk that night.” Angelica added. 

“Maybe he got dumped that night.?” Hannah asked.

“Why would he be different with all of us?” Marco replied. “It was the week after he had been down since then.” 

“Did he say anything when you drove him home that night?” Tori asked me. 

“No. I just took him home. Took him to his room. Waited for my ride and left.” I told them. I lied, I couldn't tell them I was with him the whole night. 

“We never found out who he was talking to.”Jordan commented. 

“Could it have been Nina?“ Marco asked me. Everyone looked at me. 

“No.” I replied.

“Yeah she would have told Stephanie and me.” Tori blurted. 

“Yeah but didn’t they have a thing?” Kayle asked. 

“Yeah kinda. But they never dated. Besides she’s single right now.” I told them not to give off any clues. Mathew and Nina have hooked up in the past but it was just once or twice. Nina never liked him. Nina was Mathew’s type though he had hooked up with almost every Latina with black hair in our grade.

“He did post em a few times though.” Jordan commented. “We could try see who it was.”

“I tried when he posted the pictures and he took the one that was actually on his feed down.” Kayle replied 

Mathew had posted me on his story on both Instagram and Snapchat mostly just me laying on him in his room but you could only see the outline of my body. You couldn’t even tell the race of the person. He posted grabbing my ass laying on him but that wouldn’t show anything either. And the picture he actually posted that they were talking about was in his bathroom. I was sitting on the counter facing him with his sweater on with the hood up hugging him. Mathew stood in front holding me taking the picture. So you couldn’t tell who it was.

The conversation ended when we brought up Marco’s birthday that’s next Tuesday. Marco was one of the last one of us to turn 18. Most of us turned 18 over the summer or during August and September. He told us he was throwing a party and to come. I was going to go, of course. He’s my best friend. I just didn’t know what to get him. I don’t know what he would need. 

I decided to get him a pass for his game he likes so he could play all the levels. I also got him a model of his favorite character from the show we watch. The day had come and it was Tuesday. His party was more of a family party today. The real party was going to be on Saturday at Chris's house. Marco’s parents wouldn’t let him do it at their house if they knew we were drinking. 

I got to Marcos house. The street was packed. Between family and all of our cars the street was full. I go inside and look for him. Once he sees me he comes toward me. 

“Hey. Happy birthday!” I tell him and give him a hug. 

“Thank you.” He grabbed my birthday bag. “And thank you for being my best friend.” Marco hugged me. We barely ever hug, we're both not huggers and he’s very anti touch. He only is affectionate when he’s dating someone. 

“Alexis!” His mom screamed walking towards us. “Let him go, you're going to break him.” Marco’s mom teased Marco. “It’s my turn now.” Marco let me go while still holding my shoulder. His mom hugs me. Marco looks sad. I think he’s thinking this might be the last birthday I’m with him. After this one we’ll both have graduated and be who knows where. Even though this year we haven’t been the closest. I don’t have to talk to him everyday to know he’s my best friend. We both know we’ll be there for the other no matter what. 

I greet his mom and she walks me to Marco’s dad's side of the family. Marco follows behind. I know most of his family because I’ve always been to his birthday parties and gone to his family’s parties. Since I speak Spanish his dad's side of aunts and uncles are cool with me. I say hi to all of them and we catch up. Marco’s uncles making jokes about us and about how big we are. His family is almost like mine so we always tease each other.  

“Everyone’s over there.” Marco pointed to one of the rooms. I nod and leave him with his family. I walk over Kayle, Angelica, Troy, Tori, Hannah, Jordan,Jace and Chris are all here. 

“You better watch out.” I told Kayle. “His family likes me way more than you.” 

She laughs and I join the group. We all sit around talking. Passing around the bottle Chris had brought. He had to hide it so that we wouldn’t get caught. Mostly by Marco’s mom. Marco’s dad being Mexican they don’t really care as long as it’s at home but his mom would freak out.

I hear people talking before coming over to us. I look up and see shadows standing over me. “Sup.” I hear a deep voice knowing already who it belongs to without having to turn around.

“Hey” everyone replied but me. 

“Oh. This is Teresa.” Mathew replied. 

That was the second shadow over my head. She tells everyone hi and they sit next to me. They all start talking again. “Hey. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in a minute.” Teresa asked me. 

“Oh yeah. I’ve been good. Probably different parties.” I replied to her. “ I think the last time I saw you was at Logans.” I asked her. 

Teresa is one of my friends I have from another school. I've known her since middle school and we’re friends for a while. We mostly see each other at parties or when we hang out maybe once or twice every few months.

“Oh yeah. I got there after umm.. his fight.” Teresa replied, looking over at Mathew.

“Yeah?”  I try to keep calm.

I guess another friend Mathew has now hooked up with. But if I’m being honest it’s like almost all the people I’m cool with. “So are you guys dating?” Tori asked Teresa.

“Oh. Uhh no. We’re just talking.” Teresa giggled. 

“Do you want a drink?” Tori pulled out the bottle. She passed it to her and she took a shot. She asked Mathew and he said no he had to drive her home.  After a while she goes to the bathroom. Mathew goes with the guys.