Content Warning: depiction of a panic attack and acute anxiety.

“What the fuck!”

Yeonjun shoved Seojun with all his strength, his voice rising to a near scream. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you insane?”

Seojun stumbled back a step. His breath caught. For a moment, he didn’t move or even blink, like he had just snapped out of something. His chest rose and fell rapidly, eyes locked on Yeonjun with a look of dawning horror.

“Yeonjun… I’m…” His voice faltered. He reached out, almost instinctively, as if trying to undo something he couldn’t.

Yeonjun slapped his hand away hard. “Don’t touch me!” he shouted, voice sharp with panic. His whole body was trembling. “You fucking pervert!”

Seojun’s face drained of color. His hand dropped to his side.

“I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You think that makes it okay?” Yeonjun yelled. His eyes were wet now, burning with fury. 

“Get the fuck out!”

He shoved Seojun again, harder this time, forcing him back into the hallway. Then he slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it from the inside.

Outside, Seojun stood still, one hand covering his face in panic and shame. Even a two-second kiss, he realized, had been enough to ruin everything.

“Fuck,” he said, his voice muffled through his palm. His heart pounded against his chest, wild and confused, like it didn’t know where to go. He hadn’t meant to do that. Not like that. The moment had swallowed him whole before he even realized what he was doing. And now all he could hear was Yeonjun’s voice, filled with hate and fear, calling him a pervert.

Swallowing hard, Seojun leaned slightly closer to the door and spoke, his voice low and shaky.

“Yeonjun… I’m sorry. I really am. I… I wasn’t thinking.”

There was no reply. Only the faint sound of water running, followed by a short thud as something was placed down on the counter. Another small noise, maybe the soft close of a drawer.

Seojun lowered his hand, trying to breathe like he wasn’t about to collapse. It felt like his lungs had forgotten how to work. He didn’t know what to say anymore. And even if he did, none of it would matter.

Inside the bathroom, Yeonjun’s breathing grew faster, more uneven with each passing second. 

“Go away!” he shouted, his voice cracking under the strain. “Leave me alone! What the hell were you thinking?!”

He splashed water on his face, but his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. The cold stung his skin, but it did nothing to clear the burning behind his eyes. The moment his eyes met his reflection, he felt sick.

Something inside him started to pull, slow at first, like a thread being stretched too tight. The warmth in his chest gave way to something colder, thinner, harder to control. His breath began to shallow without him noticing. A heaviness settled over his ribs, and for a second, the world tilted in a way he couldn’t see but could feel. His fingers moved slightly at his side. Not because he was scared. Not because he was confused. Something inside him felt off, and he already knew why.

His vision stayed clear, but the moment started slipping out of shape, like the present was moving too fast for him to hold onto.

His heart beat louder than it should have. Not fast, just too strong and too aware of itself. His throat tightened with something he couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t pain, but it didn’t feel right either. Something inside was pulling him down, and suddenly, even his own skin didn’t feel like a safe place anymore.

He didn’t want to run, didn’t want to speak, didn’t want to explain. He only wanted it to stop. Just for a second. Just long enough to feel normal again.

“This can’t be happening…” 

His voice collapsed under the weight of it all. His vision blurred, not just from the water, but from the pressure building behind his eyes and chest. He clung to the sink for support, but his hands, slick with water and panic, slipped. He tried to brace himself against the wall, but his knees gave out. His heartbeat thundered in his ears, pounding with a harsh, unrelenting rhythm. It felt like his chest might burst open. He knew this feeling. He knew exactly what it was.

His legs folded beneath him. His voice dropped to a whisper.

“Not again… Not the same… Please…”

The air had vanished. His eyelids grew heavy. He started to lose his breath. His body slid down the wall until he collapsed. The dull thud of his elbow hitting the floor echoed through the bathroom, and something broke inside Seojun the moment he heard it.

“Yeonjun?!” he shouted, slamming his shoulder against the door. “Please, say something! Are you okay?”

There was no answer. His hand shook as he pounded on the door again. 

“Yeonjun, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! Please, open the door!”

There was still no sound. Only the steady rush of water from the faucet on the other side.

Without thinking, without even breathing, Seojun stepped back and kicked the door hard. The first time, it barely budged. The second time, it cracked open with a loud jolt.

The room was flooded with the sound of running water. The tiles were wet. The air was cold and still. And Yeonjun was lying on the bathroom floor, his body drenched, his face pale and tense with pain, eyes half-open in that dazed space between consciousness and faintness.

Seojun stood in shock, heart pounding in his ears. His eyes burned, filling with tears he could barely hold back.

“What did I do?”

He rushed to turn off the faucet, then grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it around Yeonjun’s bare shoulders with trembling hands. Kneeling beside him, he tried to lift him gently and carefully, one arm under his back, the other beneath his knees.

But Yeonjun’s body didn’t respond. He was too limp, too heavy with the weight of unconsciousness. Seojun gritted his teeth and tried again, shifting his grip to pull him into his arms.

Just then, Yeonjun’s eyes moved a little. They looked blurry, full of tears. But when he saw Seojun’s face, it was like something inside him suddenly woke up.

“Don’t touch me,” he whispered, voice raw and broken.

And then the tears came. His whole body tightened under the towel. His shoulders shook as the sobs slipped out, rough and quiet, like he was trying not to let them.

Seojun didn’t move. His arms stayed in the air, not sure if he should pull back or stay close. He looked down at Yeonjun, his heart twisting with pain.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, barely able to hear his own voice.

But Yeonjun didn’t seem to hear him. He was already retreating inward, curling in on himself as if trying to disappear.

Seojun shifted his position. He turned around slowly and got down on his knees in front of Yeonjun, facing away from him. His voice was quiet, almost pleading, but careful.

“I can’t carry you in my arms. You don’t want me to touch you. But I can take you on my back. Come on. Let’s go inside. Just get on.”

Yeonjun stayed still. His breathing was shaky, and when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet but cold.

“Let me go. Don’t touch me…“

His tears hadn’t stopped. Each word sounded like it cost him to say, but he forced them out anyway, holding onto the only boundary he could.

Seojun remained completely still, his hands braced against the floor and his head lowered just a little. He didn’t look back.

“It’s okay. Don’t be scared,” Seojun whispered, his voice trembling. “I won’t do anything to you. I promise. I’m just... an idiot. I lost it for a second. I’m so sorry.”

He turned his head slightly, not daring to meet Yeonjun’s eyes.

“Get on my back.”

"I told you to get the fuck away... I can't…" Yeonjun gasped, his voice rough and barely louder than a whisper. 

"...breathe..."

Seojun looked down, his shoulders drawn tight. Slowly, he turned back to face him.

“Han Yeonjun,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I swear... I’ll never, ever touch you again. Even if you wanted me to. I won’t. I promise. I just want you to be okay. Please... wrap your arms around me. I have to carry you. Please... I’m begging you.”

Yeonjun was freezing. His entire body felt like it could give out at any moment. Every part of him was drained, emptied of strength. With trembling hands, he reached out and clung to Seojun. As he slowly wrapped his arms around Seojun’s neck, one thought kept running through his mind, hollow and bitter: how much he hated this life.