I wasn’t sure when I finally fell asleep.

I just knew when the dream started.

It always started the same way.

With a gunshot wound and a scream.

~

When I looked around all I could see was smoke and dirt. I’d fallen to the ground right after a grenade explosion.

The smoke stung my nose as I forced myself up, knees buckling instantly but I forced myself to stay standing, clutching my gun tight in my hand.

I was supposed to lead him.

I was supposed to make sure he didn’t die.

I stumbled blindly through the collapsing part of the underground tunnel. Rogues had been spotted there, camping and planning a rebellion.

They had planted close to invisible traps too.

Cassian had stepped on the mine.

My hands shook, breathing rough and shallow but I kept moving.

All the other soldiers were still on the ground. Cassian’s little frame was the only one I didn’t see.

Until I found it.

His face smooshed against the concrete, face and body bloodied. Too much blood.

My heart plunged into my stomach as I raced to the kids’ side, pushing my gloved hand against the wound on his side, my weapon forgotten beside me.

“Cassian!” I yelled, and I didn’t care who else heard me.

His breath was so faint. Pulse fainter.

I knew he wasn’t going to make it.

I’d killed so many before.

So why did this one hurt so much?

Because he adored you. I reminded myself. He loved you. Wanted to be you.

I shoved the thought away and kept pressing to the wound.

“Cassian!” I yelled, louder this time. “C’mon, kid. Wake up!”

His face turned toward me, just enough of me to see his eyes. Tired, red, but still hopeful.

“Ro?” I heard him whisper. I leaned closer, ignoring the ring in my ears.

“C’mon, Cass. We can get you to the medic. He can fix you up and you’ll be good as new. Come on, lets—“

“I can’t.” He said, tears filling his eyes.

“Cassian, come on.” I said, trying to pull him to sit up, his body dead weight and cold.

“I have to go.” He told me. “Do good things.”

Then the light faded from his eyes.

I sat there sobbing like I never had before. Around 5 dead bodies of soldiers I didn’t even know the names of, and Cassian. A six year old kid who just wanted to be helpful.

~

I woke up to someone shaking my shoulder gently. 

I jerked up, my vision a blur. All I knew were my hands were shaking and my face was soaked.

“It’s okay. You’re safe.” I heard someone say, a hand rest gently on my back. I flinched anyways.

My breathing was ragged, like I couldn’t get enough air. Whoever it was kept talking to me. “You’re safe. It was just a dream.”

My head fell into my hand, my fingers tangling in my hair, pulling just enough to feel something—anything.

I think I screamed cause someone pulled my hands gently out of my hair and held my hand with theirs instead.

I knew the hands too well.

The same hands that patched me up after I’d do something stupid. The same warm steady healer hands I always adored yet I never let myself trust.

“Ronan. Look at me.” I heard him say.

I looked up, my vision still blurry but I could make out the unmistakable mop of blond hair and soft smile.

“There you go.” He said gently, squeezing my hands slightly. “Just breathe with me, okay?”

His breaths were exaggerated so I could hear them. I just realized my ears had been ringing. Like the explosion was real.

I forced myself to try and match his breathing. It came out shaky and quick at first but eventually settled and evened out.

My vision cleared more, I could see where I was. In the garage still. Sitting at the worktable. The almost-finished comms system spread out across the table.

My face was damp with tears, my hands and body still trembled slightly, and my head ached from where I pulled my hair too hard.

But Max’s hand was warm in mine and I was finally able to meet his eyes. Then I looked away because my brain just caught up to the insanity of the situation.

My face warmed up, I pulled my hands quickly from his and wiped my face intensely with my hoodie sleeve. Which had new singe marks what I hadn’t noticed before. 

Why is Max always the one pulling me from the edge? I thought coldly. Why can’t I just handle it myself?

He must’ve seen the face I was making because his posture straightened just slightly. 

“It’s okay for you to need help.” He murmured. “You don’t have to do everything yourself now.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t force myself to be as distant as I wanted to.

Max was just trying to help. Everyone knows he can’t stand seeing someone hurt especially if he knows he can help.

So I let him pull me into a hug, telling myself it was just to make Max feel better.

But we both knew it wasn’t just for him.

~

I love when the fire deity that’s spiritually bonded to me decides to spawn in front of me while I’m eating breakfast. Don’t you?

I held a grudge against Fire. She picked me as her Holder and cursed me till I die—simple as that.

I was just trying to eat my cold toast in peace when she appeared in the seat next to me in the form of a human.

It was creepy when Eternals tried to look like us.

And also she burned my toast. Thanks a lot, Fire.

“What the hell?” I asked her, my voice louder than I wanted it to be. I was still on edge from last night.

My friends didn’t have the same reaction. Instead of anger, they greeted her.

I watched as Skylar went to go fix Fire another plate to be “respectful”. Tessa coming to say hi—the kid starstruck. Declan getting out his maps ‘cause an Eternal didn’t pop up during breakfast unless they had a good reason. Eliot just watched, eyes shifting between me and Fire was she smirked at me and I glared daggers back.

I’ll never admit I said this, but Fire was annoyingly hot. And not like fire-hot, I mean like attractive-hot.

Is it weird I find a ancient being in the form of a teenager attractive?

I’ll go with no.

Her hair was in long dyed-red with orange waves, a little braid on her left side. Her smokey eyeshadow making her dark eyes pop like coal in a fire.

Her skin was pale but little freckles scattered the skin.

“What do you want?” I asked, attempting to take a bite o fly brick that used to be bread.

She shrugged smugly. “Maybe I just wanted to see how my favorite Holder was doing.”

“I better be your favorite.” I muttered. Watching my friends finally settle down like being in the presence of a god-like being was a big deal. “Why are you here?”

She smiled gentler now, catching me off guard. “The Eternals have a job for you all.”

Everyone froze.

“What kind of job?” Declan asked cautiously.

The Eternals hadn’t given us a job in months. The last one being “Find out what you can about Thornblade.” and that was the last we’d heard from them.

“We’ve decided that you need to kill Thornblade.” She said, her voice more serious now.

I smiled at the thought of finally killing the monster that tortured me for years and forced me to be a government weapon.

I hated that I enjoyed imagining his pain.

“Any more details than that?” Skylar pressed her.

Fire shook her head, her fiery hair flicking gently against her shoulder. “We don’t really care how you do it. Just don’t bring the city down to ashes and try to keep it as secretive as possible. Thornblade’s spies are everywhere, seeking information on the Eternals and their Holders.”

“Timeline?” Max asked, his expression showing his brain was running way faster than his posture showed it was. 

“Two weeks. We supposed that’d be enough time since you’ve been gathering information from Thornblade practically since you got Ronan out.” Fire chuckled softly—as if my kidnapping from the army was funny.

You can see why I have mixed feelings about the Eternals now, right?

The room was quiet for far too long before Fire clapped her hands, making half of us flinch. “Well, I have work to attend to. Good luck.” She laughed, then she was gone in a puff of smoke.

I rolled my eyes at her theatrics.

“So…” I trailed off, eager to get out of the silence.

“Eliot do you still have the flash drive with Thornblade’s security?” Declan asked.

They perked up like they just remembered we existed. “Yeah.” They said simply as they pulled out the drive from their pocket and slid it to Declan across the table. Eliot never talked much and always was either buried in a book or just staring into their abyss of their tea.

They scared me.

“Okay, I’m only going to say this once so listen up.” Declan said seriously. I turned to face him to at least make it sort-of look like I was paying attention. “We’re going to get into the Sector Three library, they have computers there that was can put this flash drive onto temporarily.”

“Aren’t those computers monitored by Thornblade?” Skylar asked.

Declan nodded, his eyes glued to the flash drive in his hand. “Yeah, but they’re our best bet unless you want Ronan attempting to build a computer.”

“I’ll have you know, I built an entire comms system in one day while you guys abandoned me. I could build a computer.” I told him off.

He just rolled his eyes and went back to his planning.

“Once we get the information from this flash drive, we’ll transcribe what we need, delete the rest. We will leave no trace of that flash drive on the computer. We’ll plan our routes based on where guards are stationed, where cameras are, et cetera. Everyone clear?” 

We all nodded. Even I knew better than to try to crack a joke during Declan’s serious tone.

“Ronan, River, and I will go to the library. Eliot—you come with us too, you have the neatest handwriting out of all of us.”

We all nodded.

It was true. I could barely read, River’s penmanship was fine but obviously not that great, and don’t even get me started on Declan’s. Eliot had their little journal and was always reading—they knew what they were doing when it came to literature.

“Let’s leave in twenty. We’ll want to be in and out before school students start coming in for studying.” Declan stood from his seat, making his way to one of the many piles of gear stashed in the warehouse.

I just hoped there’d be a little bit of room for some harmless fun along the way.