The first sign that something was wrong was small. Emma dropped a saline flush. It slipped from her fingers and hit the floor. That was all. A tiny thing. But her hands had never done that before

You okay Emma
Yeah I am fine

That is what she said to Nicole and that is what she told herself. But her hands were not steady the way they used to be. Her shoulders were tight like she had been holding her breath for days. Her heart felt like it was still running a code even when the room was quiet

The ER was not even at full chaos yet. It was early in the shift. The waiting room had the usual mix. One flu case. One twisted ankle. One person who just wanted a bed and a warm blanket and someone to listen. Nothing like the bus crash. Nothing like the night with the kid. This should have felt easy

But it did not feel easy tonight

Emma moved down the hall to Room Four. A woman in her fifties sat on the bed, pale and sweating, pressing a hand to her chest. Emma gave calm words, asked calm questions, started an IV. Her mouth said the script she had already memorized. Tell me about the pain. When did it start. From one to ten how bad. Can you breathe okay. You are not alone. You are safe

Her mouth knew how to say all of it. Her body did not believe any of it

When she stepped out of the room she leaned against the wall. Just for a second. Just to breathe. She did not even notice Ryan standing at the end of the hall until he started walking toward her

You look pale he said quietly

Thanks that is sweet she said under her breath

He did not smile. He was watching her too closely. She hated that he could read her like this now. She hated that part of her wanted him to

When did you sleep last
I slept she said
When
She did not answer

He exhaled slow. Okay. After this shift you are off tomorrow. Use it
I am fine
Emma
What
That was not a suggestion

Her jaw tightened. She wanted to argue. She also wanted to sit down on the floor and close her eyes and not move for six hours. Neither of those was an option. Triage called. She moved

The first real hit of the night came fast

The charge desk called out trauma coming in. Male. Thirties. Found unresponsive. Possible overdose. ETA three minutes

Three minutes in ER time is nothing. Three minutes is the time it takes to wash hands and pull gloves and clear a bed and push the crash cart into place and feel your stomach twist while you wait for doors to open

Emma got to the trauma bay before Ryan. She set up lines. She checked oxygen. Her body moved on training even as her head felt slow and heavy. Her eyes burned. She rubbed them with the back of her wrist and told herself to wake up

The doors flew open and the paramedics rolled in the patient. Pale face. Blue lips. Track marks along one arm. No response to voice. One of the medics called out vitals. Respiratory shallow. Weak pulse. Narcan given in field. No improvement

Ryan was there now. Calm voice. Gloves already on. Eyes already calculating

Emma I need access
On it

Her hands found the vein fast. Needle in. Line set. Fluids running. She taped it down with muscle memory. She heard her own voice call numbers back to Ryan. Heart rate. Sats. Blood pressure. She heard herself say them like she was outside her own body listening from above

Then the monitor flatlined

The room snapped into hard motion. Nicole started compressions. Ryan called meds. Emma pulled syringes and pushed what he ordered. Her heart pounded so loud it felt like she could hear it in her teeth. Sweat rolled down her back under her scrubs.

Stay with me Ryan said low not to the patient to her

I am here she said

Time stretched. That strange ER time where seconds feel like an hour and an hour feels like a blink. They shocked him. They pushed again. Compressions. Airway. Compressions. Push. Shock. Again.

Come on man stay with us Ryan said through his teeth

The monitor caught a rhythm. Weak but present. Everyone froze for half a beat then moved again even faster. Stabilize. Secure airway. Call ICU. Chart vitals. Prep transport.

When it was done and the patient was on his way upstairs alive for now the room went quiet except for the soft leftover hum of machines

Emma leaned against the counter. Her hands would not stop shaking

Good work Ryan said

She let out a dry laugh. I did not feel like I was even in my body
You kept him alive
For now
For now counts

She swallowed hard. Her throat felt tight. Her chest felt tighter

He stepped closer. Not touching. Just close enough that his voice dropped lower. Hey Look at me

She did. Slowly

Your hands are still shaking he said Not your fault But you need to slow down
We do not slow down in here
I know We are going to anyway

Before she could answer a shout came from Room Nine. A family argument was spilling into the hallway. Two brothers yelling at each other over their father who was lying on the stretcher still weak from a stroke. Security had not arrived yet. One of them slammed a hand against the wall and cursed loud enough for everyone to hear

Emma moved without thinking. She stepped between them and held up a hand

You need to calm down sir
Do not tell me to calm down
Your father needs low stress
He needs real doctors not kids in scrubs

Her jaw clenched at that. Normally she could let it slide. Tonight it cut deeper

Ryan was there in seconds. His tone stayed even but cold. We are trying to stabilize him If you cannot help you are going to wait in the hall

The brother glared but backed off. Security showed up late and useless like always Then the room went quiet again

Emma felt the crash hit her after that. It did not come like a wave. It came like a drop. Fast and silent. One second she was standing fine and the next her body felt hollow and light and far away

Ryan saw it first

Break room he said low Go now

I am fine
Emma go

She finally listened

The break room was dim and still. Old coffee smell. Humming fridge. The kind of tired silence that wrapped around you and made you feel how drained you really were

Emma sat down hard in one of the plastic chairs and pressed her palms against her eyes. She could feel her pulse in her fingertips. Her breathing was uneven and she hated that. She did not cry. She refused to cry. She had seen worse nights. She had seen worse cases. She had stood in blood and not blinked. So why now Why tonight Why over a patient she did not even know

The door opened. She did not look up. She already knew it was him

Say it she muttered You are going to say it
Say what
That I am not cut out for this

Ryan let out a short breath that sounded almost like disbelief. Emma Look at me

She did and her eyes were wet and she hated that more than anything

You are cut out for this he said quietly That is the problem You care so hard you are burning yourself down to keep other people warm

She swallowed. Her voice came out rough. I could not shut it off tonight
Good Do not shut it off
It hurts
Yeah It does

They sat like that for a moment in the soft hum of the break room light. Rain tapped against the high window. Somewhere far down the hall a monitor alarm chirped and then stopped

He lowered his voice. I lost a kid in here once he said A long time ago My first year I thought I was fine I walked out of the trauma bay I wrote my note and then I went to my car and could not turn the key because my hands would not stop shaking You think it is just you It is not just you

Emma stared at him. You never told me that
I do not tell anyone that
So why me
Because you need to hear it and you will not listen to anyone else

Her breath hitched. That was too honest. Too close.

He leaned forward a little. Not touching her. But close enough to feel it

Listen to me You are allowed to feel this You are allowed to be tired You are allowed to break for five minutes and then walk back out and keep going That is not weakness That is the job

Her voice dropped. I do not know how to keep doing this if every shift feels like this
You will Ryan said Because you are already doing it

Something in her chest cracked then. Not in a painful way. More like pressure releasing

Her breathing steadied. Her hands calmed. Her shoulders dropped for the first time all night

Thank you she said softly

Ryan gave a small nod. His eyes held on hers for a second longer than they should have. We go back out in two minutes he said You good
Yes
Tell me again
I am good

He stood. So did she.

As they reached the door she stopped him with her hand just lightly against his sleeve. Ryan

Yeah

We are not nothing right

His eyes softened. No Emma We are not nothing

Then the call light in Room Three went off and they walked back into the noise together

The night was not over The work was not over The breaking point had come and gone and she was still on her feet

And for the first time since she started wearing the badge she did not feel alone in it anymore