Emma always said she did not bring the hospital home with her. She said it to Nicole. She said it to herself in the mirror. She even said it to Ryan once in a half joke tone like it was just a normal part of being professional. You leave the shift at the door. You walk out clean

It was not true

The truth was on her couch. She sat there in the dark of her small apartment with the TV on mute and the room still smelling faintly like hospital soap because no matter how long she stood under hot water she could not wash it off all the way. Her scrubs were in a pile on the floor. Her hair was still damp from the shower. Her eyes were open but heavy

Her body was home but her mind was still in Trauma Two

She replayed the hands on the kid’s chest. She replayed the man from the overdose. She replayed the argument in Room Nine. She replayed her own voice shaking in the break room and she hated that part most of all

Her phone buzzed on the coffee table. She ignored it at first. Then it buzzed again. She sighed and reached for it expecting Nicole or maybe her roommate asking if she was alive

It was not either of them

Ryan: You sleeping

Emma stared at the screen for a second then typed back

Emma: Trying
Ryan: That a no
Emma: You should be sleeping too
Ryan: I am off shift in three hours
Emma: You are still there
Ryan: Someone has to keep them from burning the place down

She smiled at that without meaning to. She could see him in her mind exactly the same way he always looked at four in the morning hair a little messy coat wrinkled eyes tired but steady like he could still pull the whole room together with his voice if he had to

Emma: You need food
Ryan: That obvious
Emma: You always forget to eat
Ryan: You are not wrong
Emma: After shift meet me
Ryan: Meet you where
Emma: Anywhere without alarms

He sent a small pause then:
Ryan: I know a place

Three hours later the sun had started to move up over the city. The streets were gray and quiet. Most people were waking. Emma had not slept at all

She met him at a diner a few blocks from the hospital. The kind of place that never closes and never changes. Old booths. Smell of coffee and butter and something fried. Soft music from a little speaker by the register. A waitress who looked like she had seen every kind of night and did not judge any of it

Ryan was already there in the corner booth with two coffees on the table. He was out of his white coat now just in a plain gray t shirt and hospital pants. Without the coat he looked different. Less distance. More human

You look awake he said

I am not she answered sliding into the booth across from him

They sat there for a moment without talking. It was strange. The ER had always given them an excuse to talk. Orders. Vitals. Plans. Do this. Watch that. Here they had none of that. Here it was just them

She wrapped her hands around the warm mug and let the heat soak into her fingers. The smell alone made her stomach flutter. She could not remember the last real meal she had eaten.

You okay he asked

You keep asking me that lately

And you keep not answering

She gave a small tired smile. I am better than I was last night

Good

She took a sip. The coffee was strong and cheap and perfect in a way the hospital coffee never could be. After a moment she said quietly I did not break last night

Ryan looked at her. You almost did

Yeah. Almost. But then you said we could break for five minutes and still go back in I did not know we were allowed to do that

We are allowed plenty of things he said We just forget

She watched him. His eyes were different today. Softer. Unarmored. He looked older when he was tired like the weight he carried had edges.

Can I ask you something she said

You can ask

Why did you stay after I left

He exhaled and leaned back in the booth. Habit I guess I do not like leaving when it is that kind of night I do not like not knowing how things end

That is control she said lightly

He gave a soft huff of a laugh You say control like it is a bad thing

You do not let anything touch you on the floor she said You just stand there and you keep the room together and then you go write notes like nothing hit you I used to think you were cold You are not cold You are just busy holding everyone else up

He watched her for a long quiet second. You see a lot

I am literally paid to watch you

That got a real laugh out of him and she felt strangely proud of herself for it

The waitress came by and dropped off plates without asking. Eggs toast bacon hash browns. Real food. Warm food. The smell made her stomach cramp with sudden hunger. She realized she had not eaten since before the shift yesterday. She picked up a fork like someone who was not sure if the food was for her

Eat he said gently

Yes doctor she said and the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth made heat rise up her neck

They ate in quiet for a while. Not tense quiet. Tired quiet. The safe kind

After a while Ryan said I should not have let you push that hard last night

She frowned. Do not do that
Do what
Take the blame when I am the one who did not stop
Emma
No I mean it I stayed on the floor because I chose to Stay useful or fall apart Those were the only options at that point

He nodded slowly. That is the job sometimes

She met his eyes across the table. But I need you to know something

Okay

When you told me we are not nothing last night That did not make it easier

He went still. His hand tightened just a little around his cup. He did not speak but his eyes stayed on hers

It made it harder she said quietly Because now I cannot tell myself you are just my attending and I am just your nurse and that is all

He was silent for a long time. The diner noise curled around them. Plates. Soft chatter. Low music. A coffee machine hissing somewhere behind the counter

Finally he said You want me to take it back

No she said fast maybe too fast No I do not want that

Something in his shoulders loosened

She swallowed and pushed on because it was already out and there was no safe way to walk it back I just need to understand what this is before I let myself fall into it and then find out I imagined the whole thing

His jaw worked once. He looked down at the table like he was choosing words the way he chose meds during a code careful deliberate no mistakes

You did not imagine it he said quietly

Her pulse kicked hard in her throat

He kept his voice low We cannot pretend there is nothing here because there is You know it I know it Everyone who watches us work knows it and half of them already had money on it

That pulled a breath of a laugh out of her even though she was shaking inside

But he said and now his voice shifted more steady more clinical we also work in the same department and people talk and administration loves rules and I am not going to be the reason you get labeled as something you are not You are good at what you do I will not let anyone take that from you

Emma sat with that for a long second. You think they would

He met her eyes. Yes

That answer should have scared her. Instead it settled into her like truth she could hold without dropping

Okay she said softly Then what do we do

He leaned in just a little. We go slow We keep doing our jobs We do not pretend there is nothing here But we do not light a match in the middle of the ER either

A slow warmth spread through her chest. Not excitement. Not adrenaline. Something steadier. Something that felt almost like safety

Slow she said

Slow he answered

The word sat between them like an agreement and it felt right

They finished breakfast. She felt full for the first time in days. He looked less like he was about to fall over. The sun outside the diner windows had climbed a little higher. The street lights had gone off. Morning was real now

When they stepped outside the air was cool and clean from last night’s rain. Cars rolled past. A bus sighed at the corner. Life looked normal. She almost laughed at how strange that felt

Ryan stood with his hands in his pockets. For a moment they just looked at each other on the sidewalk like they were standing on a line neither of them wanted to erase

Get some sleep he said finally

You too

He gave a soft almost smile. Call me if you cannot shut your head off

You want me to call you and tell you I cannot sleep That is personal information

That is medical follow up

She smiled. You are unbelievable

So I have heard

He turned to leave then hesitated and looked back Emma

Yeah

You did not break last night he said You bent But you did not break

She felt that all the way through her

After he left she stood on the sidewalk for a long moment with the sun on her face and the city waking around her She was exhausted She was raw She felt like she could sleep for twelve hours straight

But under all of that was something else

Hope

It was small and quiet and not dramatic at all But it was there

And for the first time since she had clipped on her RN badge she let herself believe this might be more than survival