---- Dae ----

When Dae awoke he could taste smoke. It coated his mouth, throat, and lungs. Filling every part of his being. He didn’t need to check his records to know which guide attended to him. He stared out across the sterile, white hospital room with a familiar emptiness creeping up as Nox’s energy faded.

There was another guide in the room. Someone wearing a hospital guide’s uniform. She looked to be early twenties, dark hair messily tied back, fatigue pinching her round features and turning her deep citrine skin sallow and waxy. Her eyes were fluttering and her head was bobbing as she clearly fought a losing battle against her own fatigue. When Dae sat up she bolted upright. 

“Esper Kane! I’m Guide Selene Weise, S-rank. I have been in charge of your care since you were stabilized, let me know if you need any additional guiding!” Dae gave her a half hearted smile and a soft ‘thanks’. 

“I don’t think I’ll need guiding for a while,” as Dae spoke Selene’s body clearly relaxed and she breathed an obvious sigh of relief.

 “The guide who responded in the field did an amazing job. Was that you?” Dae asked, despite already knowing the answer. 

Selene shook her head and held her hands out, clearly reluctant to take credit away from Nox, “No! A government A-rank responded in the field. He did amazing! He wanted to stay with you but…” She trailed off, eyeing Dae anxiously, clearly regretting oversharing. 

“What happened to Guide Nox Levi?” Dae tried his best to keep the tension he was feeling out of his voice. Selene began to tremble under his gaze making it clear he failed. 

“O-oh so you know Guide Nox! Um… Then I guess it’s ok to tell you.” Selene swallowed dryly and leaned towards Dae, “I’m sure you know that guiding you is…um… challenging. Well Guide Nox had to guide both you and the child you were rescuing.” 

Dae felt sick. He clamped his hand over his mouth and struggled to swallow the fear and regret creeping up his throat. Selene jumped up and put a hand on his back. She rubbed it in a soothing circular motion and snatched an emesis bag from a nearby cabinet. She shoved the bag into his hands and called out for a nurse. 

A tall slim man in scrubs rushed in and began to check Dae’s vitals, “He was stable just a second ago, but his HR spiked out of nowhere! Guide Selene what happened!” 

Dae could hear blood pumping in his ears, muffling the conversation happening around him. He could vaguely recall the feeling of Nox’s lips pressed on his, and the taste of blood. The memory tipped him over the edge. Despair flitted out away from him and all the metal in the room began to rattle and inch away from him. 

In an instant, lips pressed over his and a tongue was down his throat. He suppressed his distress and allowed the intrusion of both guiding energy and Selene’s tongue until the pulsing in his ears stopped. He felt an unwelcome coldness form in his core, it began to spread out and numb his whole body. It felt like frostbite, dragging its claws through him and creating tendrils of searing pain in its wake. Dae panted as Selene pulled away from him. Her eyes looked glossy and unfocused. 

“Guide Nox is fine!” Selene turned to the nurse, “Please get someone to switch out with me I can’t do anymore.” 

The nurse frowned but nodded and pressed a few buttons on his watch. Dae waved his hand dismissively, still panting from Selene’s guiding and the fear that had gripped him seconds ago. He went to cancel the guiding request and realized it was different.  

A memory of him throwing his old watch to Kris flickered in his mind. 

I should have gotten further away. Dae wanted to pummel his past self, I should have lured it away then Nox would have only needed to focus on the kid. 

“Esper Kane, we don’t have anyone qualified to attend to you if your corruption spikes-” the nurse started to scold but Dae cut him off with another wave. 

“I’m not a field Esper, today was a fluke. Don’t waste guides on me.” 

Selene looked at him with sparkling admiration and gratitude. Dae had been told before that his attitude towards Guides came off as very considerate. It always made a pit of guilt in his stomach. His motivations were far from altruistic. 

“Can you tell me where Guide Nox is staying?” Dae asked as he stood up.

The nurse gave Dae Nox’s room number and pointed Dae in the right direction despite his clear disapproval of Dae getting up. Normal people tended to fold easily when it came to Espers. For all the talk of Espers being heroes, they were often treated more like an unstable bomb that could go off at any second. For once Dae felt grateful for this. 

The minute it took to get to Nox’s room felt like an eternity. Dae could feel his heart in his throat. He tried not to speculate on Nox’s condition. As he lifted his hand to knock on the door he heard muffled voices coming through the crack in the door. 

Not wanting to intrude but unwilling to leave until he was certain Nox would be ok, he leaned against the wall outside to wait for Nox’s current visitor to leave. This had the unfortunate side effect of allowing Dae to hear the conversation happening in the room. 

“How many organs am I going to have to sacrifice for you?” a low, silky, feminine voice spoke. Dae held his breath waiting for Nox to respond. 

“It doesn’t count as a sacrifice if you can just grow them back in less than a minute.” To Dae’s relief Nox sounded like his usual self, if a little tired. 

Dae heard the gentle thud of someone smacking someone else playfully. Another feminine voice, this one thinner and higher pitched spoke. 

“Stop giving him a hard time! You know how much he helped me at the center! And he almost died like an hour ago.” Dae felt dizzy and buried his face in his hands. 

“Almost died" is a little dramatic. But yeah, I’m not gonna do a cleanse and dual guiding simultaneously again.” 

Things started to click into place for Dae. He hadn’t even considered how Nox was able to stop him following through on Kris’ command. Nox wouldn’t have been able to overpower Dae. The only other option was a cleanse. 

A guiding cleanse was used in the case of energy contamination from other Espers and gates. The guide fully fills the Esper with their own energy, effectively filling a cup of wine with water until all the wine was so diluted it turned to water. It was an exhausting endeavor. Most Guides would be out of commission for at least three days, especially if they had been guiding above their rank like Nox had been. 

Nox had not only cleansed Dae but had also managed to guide Dae and Kris. It wasn’t a shock that Nox was talented. Dae had known how amazing Nox was from the first moment he felt Nox’s energy run off.

Dae had almost robbed the world of that talent.  Nox had to get an organ transplant. Dae had pushed Nox’s body into organ failure. The gentle hum of Nox’s conversation with his friends blurred in Dae’s mind. He thought back to the schematics sitting on his worktable. An early prototype of the device Nox had asked for when they first spoke. 

Dae had always felt like the completion of the device would give him the perfect excuse to meet Nox. But even after years of research, he had nothing to offer Nox. All he could do was take. 

“I’ve mentioned Esper Kane to you before.” The sound of his name coming from Nox’s lips was almost as soothing as his guiding, “He’s the one from the center I trained at.” 

“Now that you mention it I remember you talking about it after you read that interview he did.” the higher feminine voice responded excitedly.

“Holy Shit! You knew Esper Kane when he was still a trainee.” 

“Ehh,” Nox intoned indifferently, “Not really when he was training. We met the day of his test. I was there to guide someone else but it had been a rough day and my guiding was all out of whack so I offered to guide him before the test. His energy was really something else. It felt like floating suspended in deep space. I couldn’t feel the edges. No matter how much I poured my energy in, it still felt empty. I always regretted that day you know…” Nox trailed off at the end of his sentence, sounding dejected. 

Dae was starting to think that this was the worst day of his life. Not only had he nearly killed himself, in front of a child no less, but he had also nearly killed Nox. AND discovered that Nox regretted meeting him. Dae slid down to a crouching position and moaned softly. He felt so emotionally and physically drained. 

He had wanted to thank Nox in person but he wasn’t brave enough to face the person he’s been pining after for nearly a decade. Not, knowing that said person was disappointed in him.  So he ran away again. The binding feeling in Dae’s chest felt the same as it had the first time he’d done this. It was wound around his heart and tightening with every step he took away.