Chapter Ten

Pressure

Nova

I could hear laughter just outside the door. I couldn’t resist peeking out through the drapery. Bailey would say peeking is an unladylike custom that I had little need of. But I would highly disagree. How else could I engage with others if not through secrecy? I was, in fact, a secret myself. Buried and forgotten by my own ilk.

The laughter ceased as footsteps approached the door. I swiftly grabbed the book that I left on the end table and positioned myself appropriately on the armchair by the window. As they opened the door, it occurred to me that the book was entirely undecipherable. The words hung as a bat in a cave would, and I hoped that my small hiccup would go unnoticed. Still, rather than flailing to fix it as everyone poured into the foyer, I stood my ground and waited.

I didn’t have to wait long.

“Lady Nova!” Jenna exclaimed as she approached. She twisted herself into a curtsy, but I was merely impressed that she didn’t fall over given how giddy she was. Her eyes were illuminated in a way I could never be capable of. She clutched to her chest two rather large bundles wrapped in brown paper and string. “Lady Nova! You would be so proud. I think you’ll like what I selected for Mr. Calian.”

My eyes slid over to the men. Jayson gave me a perfectly professional bow before he declared he would bring the wagon around towards the kitchen to put away all the food and supplies they gathered. Calian, on the hand, seemed jittery. He held a box in one hand and some sort of wrapping behind his back with the other.

He beamed awkwardly at me before inching his way up the stairs. His attempts to hide this object made me all the more suspicious. My eyes narrowed as he tried to escape.

“Afternoon, Nova!” he inched further up.

I stood, book in hand as I addressed him. “Calian. Something pressing to do?”

He seemed to understand me perfectly well. He shoved those round lens further up the bridge of his nose with the hand that held the small box. Calian examined me briefly with those gem eyes. They gleamed like emeralds in the sunlight. He was nervous for a moment more before that anxiety seemed to melt away into a sly smirk. “Certainly, nothing as pressing as reading upside down. You truly are a wonder, Nova.”

My jaw tightened as my face flushed with heat.

“One can never be too talented.” I muttered through gritted teeth.

“I find that to be true!” Calian was practically yelling as he finally made it to the top of the staircase. “Well, that trip to town really tired me out. I’m… going to rest for a bit!” he turned, successfully covering up what he had hidden behind his back.

“Jenna,” I called, slamming the book onto the end table. “What is Calian up to? What did I purchase for him that has him so on edge?”

“Aside from this fabric, which, Lady Nova, you’re going to positively adore, nothing. He had a couple of lunas on him. He wouldn’t let us see what he bought either.” Jenna giggled. There was a gleam in her eye I was unfamiliar with as she stared at me. “However, I don’t think it’s anything you need to worry about, my lady. Mr. Calian seems like a good fellow. A bit strange, but good.” Then, like an afterthought she said, “Like, he didn’t know what a luna was. He showed me his coins and asked if I knew about them.” The young maid shook her head as if to wave the thought away. “How silly, right?”

I glanced back towards the top of the stairs. I could still perfectly envision my strange guest standing there. A flurry of interactions ran through my mind. Calian hasn’t been here long, but he has already left an impression on me. I couldn’t tell yet if I enjoyed it or not.

“He is a bit peculiar, isn’t he?”

Jenna didn’t seem to hear me as she began to unwrap the brown paper packages. “What do you think, Lady Nova?” the maid gently caressed the fabric she bought. There were at least four colors in the first package: black, white, green, and tan.

I eyed the green. It could very well bring out the color of his eyes. I cleared my throat. “They seem quite satisfactory. Thank you, Jenna.”

“Of course!” she cheered. “I’ll make sure Mr. Calian puts on a fashion show for you when I’m done!”

I bit back a laugh. Jenna always said the most ridiculous things, and yet, I could completely see her convince him to do just that. She had a way about her.

“A fashion show, really Miss Dupont, do you not have other things to attend to?” Bailey chastised the girl.

“Right, of course, Ms. Bailey!” Jenna scurried off but snuck me a small smile. As if to say, she would make it happen for sure.

“Really now, Bailey, did you have to scold her so? ‘Miss Dupont?’ Why, I can’t recall the last time any of us used last names like this.” I said, drily.

“Well, that is the proper way to go about business. Besides, she was unfocused. There’s still lots to do before the day is done. If we let her, that girl will run amok about clothing and what have you.”

It was true, but I didn’t want to give Bailey the satisfaction of agreeing, so I stood silent. It seemed like she had more to say.

“What I would like to know is why you insist on indulging this stranger? Are you not being too generous, Lady Nova?” the old maid spoke harshly, but her eyes conveyed great concern.

“Too generous?” I scoffed. “The man came in from a blizzard with strange yet now unwearable clothing. Is it not right to help those in need? I thought you would enjoy seeing me act charitable for once.”

Bailey gave me that motherly gaze that told me I was being petulant, but I knew she wouldn’t say anything more about it. I also knew that wasn’t what she was worried about.

With a sigh, I finally announced, “He’s merely a curiosity, Bailey. You needn’t be so worried.”

Her lips scrunched together, uncertain. My hand twitched. I wanted to reassure her, but this was the best I could do.

 *****

The rest of the evening was quite mundane. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for the addition of Calian at mealtimes, but once everything died down, I found myself alone again. The night sounds beckoned me, and grudgingly, I answered with a huff.

As was usual, I made my way to the study next door. I turned on the lights and sat at my father’s desk. I glanced over the invoices from today’s outing, tracking every purchase carefully in the ledger.

There was a creak, and my hand automatically moved towards the hidden dagger. My fingers tightened on the handle as I looked towards the door. However, rather than an intruder, it was an uninvited guest.

I gazed blandly at Calian. He looked sheepish. His red locks were wet and pushed back due to his glasses being atop his head. He must have been wearing Jayson’s clothes because there wasn’t a single floppy sleeve in sight. If anything, they were a little tight on him. Just a smidge short too. I told myself I had no business caring about his biceps.

“I see you feel quite comfortable here at Gravitas Manor, Calian.”

“Well, I couldn’t sleep, and then I saw the light and… well…” he stood in front of the desk, both hands behind his back yet again. “…I thought you could use a midnight snack.” The man very carefully placed a mug of hot chocolate and a plate in front of me. On it, was a single creampuff.

It was a little bigger than bite sized. Really it was more of a sandwich. The pastry had risen perfectly and was golden and flaky. The cream was thick and swirly, and the whole thing was dusted with powdered sugar. My mouth watered in anticipation.

I wanted to reach for it but felt conflicted. “Why?” I asked, point blank.

Again, he didn’t seem offended by my tone. “You said you didn’t want anything, but… I couldn’t resist. I saw them in town and bought some for everyone. Then, I remembered you were up late last night and thought you might like a little something sweet. Bazil said you liked hot chocolate too. So… yeah.”

Oh… I felt instantly deflated. How silly of me to think it was…

“I see you get along with the staff well.” I said, reaching for the dessert. “And… thank you.”

Calian’s smile was just too dazzling. “You’re welcome!”

He watched me take a bite, and I couldn’t hide my delight. It felt strange having him observe me. It shouldn’t have, of course. I’m used to being monitored, but this was different. It was strangely intimate. It didn’t make any sense.

Suddenly, Calian chuckled. He leaned over the table and produced a cloth napkin from his pocket. It was folded up a series of times causing it to overlap like one would a blanket. “You have some face on your dessert.” He snickered.

I cleared my throat, ears and face warm. “Oh, excuse me.” I reached for the napkin, but instead he reached for me. The napkin was bunched up around his finger, and while I couldn’t feel him, I felt the pressure. He wiped away the cream, and my heart sputtered. I jumped back, slamming into the bookcase behind me.

Calian appeared startled. Books slammed on the floor beside me.

“You… you…” I stopped talking, finding it futile to express any sentiment. My chest heaved as I tried to calm myself.

“Whoa,” Calian rounded the table towards me. “Are you alright?”

I released a rather shaky breath, finally managing to compose myself. “Do you have a death wish!?!” I finally snapped. “Since the moment I met you, you seem to have no will to live! Not a one!”

“What do you mean? Of course, I want to live.” He seemed truly puzzled as he began picking up the surrounding books and putting them away.

“Then why do you insist on getting so close! You know exactly what happens to things that touch me, do you not? Or should I remind you?” I went around the opposite way and approached the vase of roses. I glowered at him as I touched a single petal. The entire bouquet shriveled and died instantly.

Calian blinked at me before saying, “Your hot chocolate is going to get cold.”

I was aghast by his response. “I don’t care about the damn hot chocolate!” I growled. I returned to the desk. He hadn’t moved from his spot by the bookshelf. “Are you not afraid to die? Is it that you came to this house in the hopes I should assist you?”

Now, it was his turn to look admonished. “Why would I hope to die? For one, my mother would kill me if I joined her this soon. For two, I certainly don’t want to put my death in your literal hands. That’s a horrible thought. You shouldn’t be so morose.”

I. Wanted. To. Scream.

But I didn’t. Instead, I leered at Calian so fiercely, he flinched.

“Ok, fine! Stop glaring at me!” he pleaded. His mouth frowned, but his eyes looked just a bit too amused for my liking. “I just… I l—mhm…” he paused, like he wasn’t sure he could find the right words. “I just sort of forget… sometimes…”

“What?” I couldn’t possibly be hearing this correctly. “You… forget?”

“Yes.” He nodded, his glasses falling on his face. He fixed them from where they laid a skewed and let out a slow breath. “I know it hasn’t been long, but I feel like I know you. And then, when we chat, I sort of… forget… that you’re… afflicted. I mean, isn’t it normal to get close to others you want to know better?”

My mouth fell and I blinked silently at this very peculiar man.

I didn’t know what to say. My life is, in fact, not normal. I don’t know what it means to be normal. Keeping my distance is my normal.

“Here,” Calian slid the hot chocolate over to my side of the desk. “Don’t let it get cold.” Then, he walked out of the study.

For another minute, I could hardly move, but I gathered myself, and pressed the warm mug to my lips. The pressure of the mug was very different from the feel of Calian’s napkin. That thought would keep me up the rest of the night.