Delilah knocks on our front door at ten a.m. Though when I open it she doesn't seem too happy to see me. When she enters the house she takes a seat on the couch without saying a word.

My Mom walks in from the hallway, still in her pajamas. She says hi to Delilah and Delilah smiles in response. My mother then looks at me and asks me a question I don't hear. Delilah's eyes widen, her eyes fixed on me. I then realize it must've been a serious question.

"I'm sorry?" I say to my Mom.

"You can still see him, can't you?" My Mom asks.

"See who?"

"Don't play dumb with me. I know my son. Where is he now?"

I look around the room.

"In the kitchen. Watching us," I tell them.

Silence falls between us.

"Does this mean I'm going back to the hospital?" I ask.

Delilah looks at my Mom, waiting for an answer. But before my Mom can give one she says, "Judas is sane, isn't he? He's not a danger to himself or anyone else around him. So I don't think it's a problem, is it?"

My Mom glances at Delilah and smiles.

"I couldn't put Judas through that again," My Mom says, "I don't know what it means for him to be going through what he's going through but maybe it's not a bad thing, you know? God has a funny way of using people."

"Right..." Delilah says.

"Well we better get going," I say, "It's a long drive there and I like to get a head start for parking."

The Town of Hawkins doesn't have a church so we have to go to the next town over, Willow Creek, to go to church every Sunday. I usually go alone, but today I have Delilah in the passenger seat and my mother in the back. Though, something is off about Delilah. She's been off ever since she got to my house. I want to ask her about it, but I'd rather do it in private.

The roads are practically empty on the drive there. So it's just us, empty winding roads, tall pine trees, and towering rocking walls as we drive. I always enjoy this drive to church. Sometimes I take it just to clear my head.

When we arrive, there are a few other cars that have beaten us. There are people gathered around the front entrance of the church, all smiling and conversing with one another. When we get out of the car, a familiar, blue-eyed, red-haired woman approaches us.

"Judy, D. The pleasure is mine," Lucy says, bowing to us. She's dressed in all red, with a red and black checkered skirt and thigh-high red socks.

"Didn't know you went to this church," I say.

She ignores me and notices my mom, "Who's this beautiful heroine?" Lucy asks pushing past me.

I nudge Delilah on the shoulder to get her attention.

"Mind if we talk before the sermon starts?" I ask.

"Sure," she says.

The church is right in the middle of town, so we start to take a walk around the small town of Willow Creek.

"I'm sorry I'm so out of it," she says right out the gate.

"That's what I wanted to talk about. Are you okay?"

"I mean, I guess I should be okay. It's not like anybody here is causing me harm."

"But something about them is bothering you?"

"They're all—so—happy. And I should be happy for them but I'm not. I'm—I guess I'm—jealous? I want their happiness. But I know I'll never have it."

"Why don't you think you'll ever have that?"

She gets quiet after I ask that. She then stops and looks at me with her green ocean eyes. But right as she's about to say something, the church bell rings.

"We should go find a seat," I say.

She agrees, and we make our way back to the church.

Willow Creek's Church is small and can only hold about two hundred people at a time. We find a seat near the back with Delilah to my right and Lucy and my mother to my left. When it begins, it's not a preacher that comes out on stage. But a woman with a guitar. Delilah perks up immediately. The woman is in her early to mid-twenties and it's just her. Her hair is short like Delilah's but it's naturally brown. You can faintly see brown freckles on her face.

She starts to play some chords, soft and slow. Then they erupt into a cacophony of whimsical progression for about ten seconds before slowing back down. Then she starts to sing:

"My hands are searching for you

My arms are outstretched towards you

I feel you on my fingertips

My tongue dances behind my lips, for you

This fire runs in through my being

Burning, I'm not used to seeing you..."

The song changes into its pre-chorus. Delilah turns to me and mouths Holy Shit!

"I'm alive

I'm alive."

I don't think the church is ready when the chorus hits. Because when it does—

"I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding onto what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing..."

It's exactly how I feel about Delilah. I hope it's how she feels about me too.

"My hands float up above me

And you whisper you love me

And I begin to fade

Into our secret place

The music makes me sway

The angels singing say, "We are alone with you"

I am alone and they are too with you..."

Goosebumps again. I then realize that his song can be about someone else I know.

"I'm alive

I'm alive

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding onto what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing..."

The song enters a bridge, it's slow and low compared to the rest of the song.

"And so I cry (Holy)

The light is white (Holy)

And I see you

I'm alive (I'm alive)

I'm alive (I'm alive)

I'm alive

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding onto what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healing—"

I'm not expecting the next part, the bridge, to be sung so fast, but it works with the song.

"Take my hand, I give it to you

Now you own me, all I am

You said you would never leave me

I believe you, I believe

I can feel you all around me

Thickening the air I'm breathing

Holding onto what I'm feeling

Savoring this heart that's healed."

I stand up and clap. Hell, the whole church does. The singer bows and smiles. I look to Delilah, expecting her to do the same, but she's sitting down. I sit back down and the pastor begins to step out onto the stage.

"Give it up again for Celeste will ya?" The pastor says. We all clap again except for me and Delilah. Delilah's not jealous, is she? I wouldn't take her to be that kind of person. But I didn't believe that Celeste was better than Delilah. More experienced sure, but if Delilah kept practicing, by Celeste's age she'd be way better than her.

The preacher begins to talk but I can't take my attention off Delilah. She looks like Spongebob and Patrick when they were put under the drying rack in their first movie. Just being absolutely cooked alive.

I'm about to say something to her when I feel a tap on my left shoulder. It's Lucy.

"Hey, where's Squid?" she asks.

"They didn't want to come," I respond "Not their thing."

"Oh. Okay. Where's D going?"

I turn back and Delilah is already in the center aisle. Before I can chase after she's gone out the front door. I get up from my seat and follow her into town.

"D, wait up!" I yell to Delilah's back. She's not slowing down. In fact, I think she's speeding up. I never knew those tiny legs could be so fast.

"Just go back to church with all your friends," she says. We're currently at an incline and we're going uphill. She's almost at the top while I'm only halfway.

"Those aren't my friends. Can we just talk?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll judge me."

"How do you know that?"

"Because when I tell people about this stuff they always judge me."

"Well, I won't."

"That's what they all say until they judge me."

"D, I literally talk to Jesus out loud. I'm a weirdo. There's nothing you can't tell me that I won't judge you for."

She stops and turns around. I'm at the top of the hill and I'm trying to catch my breath.

"I'm a terrible person," she says.

"No, you're not," I almost laugh at how ridiculous it sounds to me.

"No—I don't think you understand. All the things that have happened to me. And the things I've done because of them. I've stepped into levels of depravity where there's no return from. And worse of all. I—"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'll always look at you the same, D, no matter what."

She gazes into my eyes with those aqua-green irises and tells me her deepest, darkest sin.

"I killed someone," she admits, "I killed my best friend."

She doesn't look at me. She just observes the church as she tells me, "There was once a girl. She was the prettiest, most confident girl of all the other girls in her orphanage. She was adopted by someone who had no intention of being a good parent. So she ran. She lived on the streets until somewhere down the line drugs got involved. But then she meets a boy named Marco. This boy also has a dream of becoming a singer like her. They actually had a lot in common. Pretty quickly, she falls head over heels for Marco.

Then life catches up to the both of them. The only way the girl knew how to help was with drugs. He excepted—and ended up overdosing."

She turns around, wiping a tear from her eye.

"This girl then ended up in rehab and got adopted. A few years later she moved and got a job at Chick-fil-A. Where she found a second chance."

After she's done telling me this I look over to Jesus who is standing a few feet away from us.

"I'm two years clean if you're wondering," she says. Jesus nods and I take a step towards Delilah.

"It's not your fault, Delilah," I say.

"Yes it is," she says back. No hesitation.

"I blamed myself for Jenny's death too. But you should know, it's not your fault."

"Who's Jenny?"

"My biological mother. I made a birthday wish for her death the day she died."

"Wow," she breathes. "I didn't think you'd understand, but out of everyone, you're one of the few people who kind of do."

I take another step toward Delilah. She's looking up at me now and I place my hand on her sternum, covering her cross dangling from her neck.

"He's in heaven, you know. And he doesn't blame you," I say.

"Judas, I appreciate the thought but—"

"D. Trust me. He is. I know."

She smiles then takes my hand off of her chest and holds it in hers. We begin to walk back to the church.

"For his sake, I hope you're right," she says. "I'm starting to think that believing God hates you is just as bad as it being true."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Like, what if we self-actualize? Like our perception of our souls reflects and manifests our reality and vice versa. My subconscious thought I deserved a second chance so I manifested you, Judas."

"And I was deciding to turn a new leaf," I begin to cook with her. "Changing things in my life. So I manifested you."

"And then we met Squid."

"And Lucy."

"But we lost people along the way too."

"People that we loved dearly. And it's not like we wanted them to go."

"But maybe they're not gone, you know? They're just..."

"Away?"

"Yeah. Kinda like they're on vacation."

"This life; it's a heavy cross to bear."

Delilah's eyes widen.

"What?" I ask.

"I just got an idea for a new song," she says.

"They just come to you like that?"

"I call them songifinies. They just end up in my head out of nowhere and I gotta sing 'em. When does church end?"

"It should be ending any minute now? Wanna get home quick?"

"Yeah! But I wanna talk to Celeste first."

Delilah is acting like a thirteen-year-old Justin Bieber fan talking to the Biebs himself with Celeste in the lobby. I'm leaning against the wall, watching from afar. My mom is talking to another group of woman while Lucy is hanging out next to me to my left.

"How goes the marriage?" Lucy asks "Considering kids?"

"How are you, Lucy?"

"Oh, you know. Everything's going as according to plan. Did you know who Daniel Martinez has always had a crush on?"

"Oh boy, here we go."

"Stacy Flannigon. Turns out Daniel is an aspiring comedian."

"Okay... What does that have to do with anything?"

"Hawkin's High used to have a talent show in November. They stopped funding it because no one came. Not enough talent."

"But we have Delilah and Daniel."

"Forget Daniel. This is Delilah's chance. With the help of Stacy Flannigon's money, we can have the right people and the cameras recording Delilah's performance. This is our chance to shoot Delilah into a legacy."

"And possibly show the world that Hawkin's isn't just a small town of weirdos but talented, amazing people. You know, I thought you were plotting something a lot more malicious. And while I don't like the idea of using people, you are hooking up Daniel with someone he actually has feelings for. Which would be a first for him. I should tell Delilah."

I lean off the wall but Lucy puts the front of her hand on my chest to stop me.

"Let her find out on her own," she says, "She's got other things to focus on right now."

I agree. Lucy takes her hand off my chest and I lean back against the wall.

"How are things going with D?" Lucy asks.

"Um."

"Treating her right?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Ha! You're telling me you guys haven't done anything yet?"

"What exactly are we talking about here?"

"Judas, my clueless disciple. You need to grow a pair. And I think you know what I mean."

"I'm—I'm not interested in her in that way."

"C'mon, Judy! Anybody with eyes can tell."

"Or—uh, At least she ain't into me like that."

"Aren't you guys dating?"

"No! We're just friends."

"Yeah—puppy eyed D just sees you as a friend. Come on, Judy. She likes you. Grow a pair and go for it."

"I—I can't."

"Why not?"

"The stakes are too high. If I try something and fail—or even if we end up together—what if something happens?"

"In my experience, you'll either kill yourself never knowing—or you'll be broken hearted—but—you'll be one step closer to moving on to the right person."

I take in what Lucy has said, staring at my sneakers.

"Or—" Lucy starts, "She likes you too. And you'll both be happy you were honest with her."

Damnit. She's right. I have to tell Delilah how I feel.

(Continued in next part)