I end the recording. I set the phone down and I just admire her. She made that in a matter of hours and it showed me so much about her yet it gave me more questions. I want to know Delilah. I want to know why she thinks the way she thinks. I want to know why she's so amazing.

"What're you looking at?" she asks, putting her guitar down in its case.

I then think of something that I can't help myself from doing.

I pick the phone up. I start tapping the screen.

"Oh no," I say in the best-worried voice I can conjure.

"What?" she says, standing up.

"I don't think I hit record."

Her eyes open so wide I think they're going to pop out of her skull. She storms over to me like a demon out of Hell and snatches the phone out of my hand.

"No, no, no, no," she stammers, "I put so much into that performance—"

With great haste, Delilah turns toward me and envelopes me with her tiny body. I end up falling back onto my bed.

"AHHHH!" I cry out.

"That's not funny!" She says, lightly hitting me with her fists.

"You're right! You're right!" She lifts her head from my chest and blows a bit of her hair away from her eyes so she can see.

"It's hilarious," I say with the straightest of faces.

She then straightens her fingers to make her hand resemble a thin blade that finds its way directly into my left armpit.

This isn't good. I'm extremely ticklish.

"Oh, you're a ticklish one?" Delilah observes.

I now regret ever trifling with this woman.

I don't cuss a lot. Only in very serious situations will I ever drop an F-bomb. But There's also an exception to that rule. When a five-foot woman is tickling you and you have no way of stopping her because she's The Flash when it comes to this shit for some God damn reason; The cuss words are flying.

At this point, I can't breathe and I can't move. I'm just laying there while she's mounted on top of me, laughing her ass off.

Then her eyes meet mine and oh God. I may have never been with a woman before but I know what that look means.

She is going to devour me.

"Delilah I—"

Before I know it, her lips are mixing with mine. Her firm body melts into me, pressing against me and it feels like it's meant to be that way.

She starts to kiss my neck. Something in me is stirring. Like a bowl of water, with someone slowly sloshing it around. But as she continues, the stirring begins to increase.

"Delilah there's something—"

She starts going lower. To my chest.

"Delilah I'm—"

She's at my stomach.

"Well um—you see."

Her fingers enter my pants. I sit up and grab her wrists.

"What?" she asks.

"I'm a virgin."

She looks at me and she doesn't seem disgusted like I thought she would be.

"That's—okay. I'll guide you through it."

"What if it sucks though? What if I fuck it up?"

"Judas—it's okay. There's a first time for everything. I want to do this with you."

"That's the thing though. You barely know me, D. What if you're making a mistake?"

"I know enough. You're a good person, Judas. And I want you to feel good. Do you not find me attractive?"

"No, Jesus, D! How could you say that? You're so attractive it's honestly like a stupid romance novel, but that's not the point. What if it ends here because of what we do tonight? What if you never want to see me again after this?"

"Judas—I'm literally throwing myself at you and you're self sabotaging. Sex is fun. And you'll get better. And besides, do you want to die a virgin? What if you have a brain aneurysm!"

That stings like a hot needle. I know she didn't mean anything by it but wow, that hurt.

She puts her hand over her mouth and her eyes widen.

"I'm so fucking sorry," she says.

"It's okay," I say, in a voice I didn't want to sound that hurt.

She grabs the top of my hand and tears begin to fall from her ocean eyes.

"I just don't want to lose you," she lips, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I'm so fucking sorry, Judas."

"D, really it's okay. It's kinda my fault. I should've just had sex with you. I don't even know why I'm such a dumb ass anyway."

"No, Judas, don't say that. You're not a dumb ass. I should've been more sensitive. I'm the one that deserves to the wrath of God."

"D—D—D—D listen to me, okay?" I grab her hands, "These past couple of weeks have been life-changing. I have met you," she smirks at this. "I learned that humans are humans and all humans are going through human experiences with Squid. And I learned a lot about the Devil with Lucy. You see, I've been thinking. Lucifer was an angel. Born from God, light, grace, hope, etcetera, etcetera. He chose to be evil. Who's to say that a demon created from darkness, despair, and hopelessness, can't choose to be good? Because here's the thing, D. God created love, with the understanding that love can only exist when you have the freedom to choose it. It was Lucifer's choice to rebel. And it's her choice if she wants to come back to God."

"So it's not God's fault necessarily. It's choice?"

"We all have the present moment. The power to do whatever is feasibly possible within our circumstances."

"How do you know? How do you God's not just manipulating us?"

I take a deep breath, "Junior year, I was at a Church Summer Camp Retreat for students like me. I thought it would be a great way to make friends. Long story short—it wasn't—but the trip yielded other benefits. During one of our lessons, they instructed us to have a thirty—minute silent talk with God. Since God can hear your thoughts, you just find a place in private or walk around aimlessly. At this time I hadn't seen Jesus in three weeks. And I was pretty upset. I remember telling the sky with my thoughts, 'If you don't respond God, I'm gonna be forced to take matters into my own hands.' And 'I am my past and my trauma. It haunts me. Without you I am nothing.'

What did God say at that time? Did Jesus appear from behind a tree and tell me everything was going to be fine? Did a big booming voice in the sky say it was pleased while the Holy Spirit descended on my location? Nope. A whole lot of nothing happened. Just silence, sky, birds chirping, pine trees, and mountains surrounding me. And at that moment I felt like a speck of dust. Non-important. Meaningless.

Fast forward later that day I was feeling edgy. Since none of the kids liked me and didn't want me to play kickball with them, I sat in the bleachers listening to some edgy music. I'm talkin' Skillet. Flyleaf. Relient K. Thousand Foot Crutch. And some Switchfoot."

"That's all Christian rock."

"And?"

"That's what you consider edgy?"

We giggle, "Anyway I was listening to my music until I noticed someone taking a seat next to me. When I looked over I was introduced to one of the most captivating women I've ever seen."

"Careful there."

I smile, "She had a brown-haired mullet. A brown cowboy hat that complemented her steel blue eyes. A red and green flannel shirt with sleeves rolled up past the elbows. A cowboy belt with a giant steel belt buckle. Blue Jeans and cowboy boots to finish the outfit."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Then she said, 'Sup.' And I took my earbuds out and shook her hand, 'I'm Lilith,' she said

'Judas' I replied, 'Are you here on vacation?'

'No. I work here. I kinda just jump from state to state. Thought I'd give Colorado a try.'

I told her I thought she was a leader and she said, 'Oh, no! I hate religion.' And we just sorta started talking. About, well, everything. From why she hated religion to why I'm struggling with mine. I told her about how I could see and hear Jesus and she didn't look at me like I was crazy. I told her about my past, and Jenny. She told me about some of her past too. The ugly parts. I won't share out of respect for her. But she was just as broken as I was if not more. When kickball was over, it was time for dinner. All of the students and group leaders were beginning to make their way to the cafeteria but I wanted to stay to talk with Lilith.

She then said something to me that I'll never forget.

'You know you're not your darkness, right?' she said.

'What do you mean?' I asked, stunned.

'I mean all that stuff you went through. All the things those kids call you. All the shit you didn't deserve to have happened to you. That's not who you are. You're an interesting kid, Judas. You don't have to talk about seeing Jesus or your darkness to prove that.'

Then it just sorta clicked for me. I've heard other people say things like that all the time but it always fell on deaf ears. But right then, sitting on those bleachers with this extraordinary woman who hated religion told me the wisdom I needed to break out of my cage. And it wasn't Jesus who told me. It wasn't someone I knew or another Christian. It was a woman, who hated religion, with the name of a demon. An exile just tryna find her way."

Delilah is looking at our hands. I'm sure she has a thousand thoughts running through her head.

"You see, D," I continue, "God doesn't only act in people who believe in him. He acts in sinners. Betrayers. The meek. The starving. The crippled. Probably the Devil too. And, D," I tighten my grip around her hands and bring them up to our eyes, "With the way you sing and what you sing about, I know that's God acting through you too. I'm not sure how it feels, but I know it must feel like you're singing for something greater than yourself."

"It does feel like nothing else. When I'm singing, it's like I'm outside of my body and I can see myself singing. In a way, I'm sorta taking a protective, guardian angel role over myself whenever I sing."

"Keep singing to her, D. Keep singing to her because she needs to hear your voice. Sing to that Delilah and tell her what she needs to hear." I grab her phone off her bed and hold it up, "Trust me, you keep singing like this. God will act through you. And he will show you that he does not hate you. He created you fearfully and wonderfully. That means that every detail of you, Delilah, from your voice to the dimples on your cheeks was meant to be there and is there for a reason. Don't waste that."

She puts her right hand on my cheek.

"You really love him, don't you?" she asks.

"Yes. Because he loved me first."

She kisses me. I'll never get tired of feeling her lips on mine. Every time I feel them, I hope to feel them again.

She pulls away, her ocean eyes sparkling.

"I guess we're a thing now, huh?" She says.

"Do you want us to be a thing?"

She smiles, leaning in and pressing her mouth into mine. This time a bit of her tongue enters my mouth and it surprises me. I almost jolt back from shock. I've never kissed with my tongue until now. She pulls away, pulling a little bit of my lip with hers before snapping it back to my face.

"Does that answer your question?" She asks, her angelic voice ringing in my head.

I laugh, taking her cheek in my palm and returning the kiss she gave me.