I wake up early the next morning, but I don’t get up. I never get up right away. I’m not tired anymore. Not enough to sleep anyway. There’s just no reason to. I feel like this often, and it’s harder to be Sunbeam when it happens. I still do, eventually, but it’s harder. It takes more out of me emotionally as well as physically. Then I go to work the next day anyway.

No work today, though. No shift. The day is mine. All mine. Well, mine and Sunbeam’s.

BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZ

Great.

BZZZZZZ BZZZZ-

I answered my phone and put on the groggiest voice I could muster, “... hello?”

“I need you to come in today,” My boss said, “Jaqueline’s sick, someone has to fill the shift.”

“But I don’t work today…”

“You didn’t work yesterday either. Come in today.”

“But-”

“You’re on thin ice as it is.”

“Sorry, I’ll be there.”

“You’ll be here by 1.”

It was 12pm. I hadn’t eaten or taken any of my pills yet… or showered. Or gotten dressed. AND Rain had the car that day so I had to take the bus.

Yeah, I was going to be late.

I skipped breakfast, and by extension my pills, to get out the door on time. I was still buttoning up my work shirt while running down the sidewalk. The bus stop was 3 blocks away. On a normal morning, I could walk there and make it on time. This was too spontaneous. I needed to make it. I just had to-

“FUUUUUCK…!” I collapsed to the ground as the bus doors closed and it took off while I was one block away. I stayed on my hands and knees for a good minute catching my breath. Clumsily, and slowly, I got back to my feet and checked the time, “12:36…”

On my feet, I could get there at 1:15 at the earliest. Not bad, but it wouldn’t impress anyone either. It definitely wouldn’t do me any favors. Especially considering I’d get there towards the end of the rush hour. I might as well not go at all at that point.

There was one other option…

I shook that thought out of my mind and started running. Sunbeam isn’t for personal use. I use that power exclusively for helping people. I can’t just decide I deserve to help myself as Sunbeam before anyone else. Sunbeam doesn’t work that way. That power isn’t for me.

Suddenly a giant wave came flooding down the street.

Wait what?

No, that's definitely what that is. A giant wave of water. Picking up cars, breaking streetlamps, and barreling straight towards me.

I reach into my bag for my umbrella. I managed to grab it. I have to transform right n-

SSSPLSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH

When I woke up for the second time that day, my head was throbbing painfully. Not surprising, considering I skipped my pills earlier. Less surprising considering my head was oozing blood. I looked around and saw the entire city around me was flooded. Wind was furiously flinging raindrops and hail around. Thunder roared overhead periodically. Odd.

Celsio is a seaside town, so we’re no strangers to storms. Still, this was a little extreme for a northern climate. The sky didn’t even look that bad earlier. I didn’t have an explanation. This weather was beyond irregular, but it wasn’t me doing it. I didn’t even get to open my umbrella.

Where was my umbrella…?

Feeling around, I discovered- it was gone. Likely washed away by the flood to god knows where. On that note, where was I? Becoming more aware of myself it was obvious I was in a building about a dozen stories up. How did I get there…

“Oh you’re awake, are you okay?” It was… a stranger. Some woman I’d never seen before. There were a handful of other people tending to several wounded and unconscious. None of them seemed to be doctors or medics. This wasn’t even a hospital it was…

“I- I’m fine,” I say finally. “What’s going on? Where am I?”

“We were all working when the flood came in. A bunch of people washed in through the ground floor and we’re trying to help who we can. This is our office.”

“Oh.” I felt a wave of guilt crash into me much like the one from earlier. I felt so useless. All these people had to save lives while I was stuck unable to transform. I should be the one pulling people out of the water. None of those people had any powers at all and they had to do everything I should be doing. What was even the point of me? “I have to get out of here- Ack!” My head throbbed harder the second I tried standing up.

“Woah woah, you’re not going anywhere. You need to rest until help comes.”

“You don’t understand, I need to go- Ow!” It throbbed harder again.

“Look, we all have loved ones out there. You need to just let the professionals take care of it. I’m sure Sunbeam will clear this up soon.”

This was torture.

“Tch, that’s assuming Sunbeam isn’t the one doing this.” Someone next to me butted in. It was a man. His right arm and left leg were broken. He had bandages on him, but nothing tended to professionally. He needed proper medical attention soon. Everyone else seemed to be in similar shape as well.

“That doesn’t make any sense at all,” The person tending to me retorted, “Why would Sunbeam do this?”

“For starters she helps people every single day. No one can be that nice. She was bound to snap eventually. It’s been hours and the storm is still going, but no sign of Sunbeam. Either she’s making it happen, or she’s not bothering to help us anymore. How else do you explain that?”

“Maybe Sunbeam was injured. They probably just aren’t able to do anything right now.”

I did NOT want to hear how the rest of that argument went. Not only was I saved but I was being defended too. I wanted to die, or else get out of there. I wondered if I could sneak out of there without fainting.

“- and then there’s what happened with the charity!”

“Oh come on, they apologized for that yesterday!”

“Sure, and that makes it ALL better now that people are dying, sure.”

“Sunbeam isn’t doing this! I don’t know how many times I have to say they- wha- Get back here!” the helpful stranger shouted, but I was already running through the offices. My brain was pounding on my skull like it wanted out, and it made me feel weak. All I need was…

“Yes!” I grabbed an umbrella from a desk. It had a cute design on it. I’d have to give it back to whoever sat there after I bought a new one. Now I just had to get to the roof. I sprinted back to the hallway to-

“Hey!”

“GAH!!!” I nearly stumbled over. This stranger was persistent in trying to look after me. It was starting to piss me off a bit, “Leave me alone! I’m getting out of here!”

“And going where, huh? The streets are flooded!”

“I’m going to the roof!”

“Why would you do that.”

“I need- fresh air!”

“Then I’m coming with you!”

“Grrrr… Fine.” I can just lose her when I get there. She can’t follow me off the edge of the roof.

“The elevator’s out, so we have to take the stairs. C’mon, take my shoulder.”

Begrudgingly I put my arm over her shoulder. It was easier than going full sprint up the stairs. That was nice, but it was sooooo much slower. People could be dying and my legs were trembling just trying to walk up stairs, with help. How pathetic can this get. I’m a superhero who can’t save people, let alone myself. I need other people to do that for me while they’re busy saving each other already.

“I don’t get why you’d defend Sunbeam,” I blurted out. We’d been climbing stairs for a bit. I had no idea for how long, or even how much longer we had to go.

“They’re a hero. I won’t let anyone say otherwise.”

“And you keep saying ‘they’, what’s up with that.”

“They’re nonbinary, they said so yesterday in the interview.”

“Right…” I almost forgot. It was buried under the events of the last 24 hours and the least of my concerns right now. It felt so trivial now. I didn’t even know why I said that or why it bothered me to have it be ignored. The question itself bothered me. “Boy or girl”, what did it matter. All I wanted was to save lives. “Well whatever the gender, they can’t even manage to help anyone right now. What kind of hero is that.”

The woman stopped walking and I had to stop too. She looked at me and said, “The kind of hero who helps even when they can’t. The kind of hero who inspires people to help each other. My neighbors all got friendlier since Sunbeam showed up. Most of my co-workers wouldn’t have rushed into freezing water to help strangers. Hell, I never would have. Sunbeam just makes it all feel so much easier to care about people. Something about them just makes you want to do it too.”

I was a little too stunned to speak. I hadn’t considered that I might’ve been the reason so many people were helping each other. “I didn’t-”

“Y’know Sunbeam coming out yesterday meant a lot to me?”

“Why’s that?”

“I’ve known I’m nonbinary for a few weeks now, but never told anyone. Maybe even longer than weeks, I don’t know. It sucks that some people think I’m just hopping on a trend. Still, it’s been worth it to be myself with the people I care about. I might’ve done it eventually anyway, but Sunbeam gave me the push to do it now. I guess even if I die today I’ll have that.”

“You won’t die.”

“Hm?”

“Uh, Sunbeam won’t let any of us die. I’m sure of that now. Thanks.”

They gave me a perplexed look that faded into a more compassionate one. “No problem,” They started walking up the stairs with me again, “My name’s Sam by the way.”

“Cloudia,” I replied, then added on, “I’m… nonbinary too.”

“Wow, what are the odds of that, hehe.”

We finally made it to the top of the stairs where the roof was. Earlier I considered just jumping off. But it wasn’t worth doing that to scare this stranger… to scare Sam. I took one step out the door to the roof and began to open the umbrella I took. “Welp, this is where we part.”

“Wait- What are you-!”

The umbrella opened up and the wind swirled around me. Ice, rain, and hail all gathered around me and shot a hole through the clouds above. A ray of sunlight beamed down on me, and I was transformed. The wind started calming down until my hair was dancing on a small breeze. Sam stared in awe, their jaw hanging low and eyes wide like baseballs.

“Oh, and I’m Sunbeam by the way,” I said with a friendly smile.

Sam said nothing, still staring, clearly shocked.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything else. I’m more thankful for what you’ve done than you’ll ever know. How to put it… You’ve inspired me! Keep doing that for people! See ya!” I took off into the sky, moving the storm along to pass the city as I went. Sam shouted something back to me, but the wind was too loud for me to hear it.

I think about Sam sometimes still, but we haven’t run into each other. I haven’t gone back to visit. Still not sure what more I’d want to say. I might see them again, I just haven’t decided when.

I got fired from my job. I got forgiven for missing work that day, but leading a double life just isn’t compatible with working a job. I’m still figuring out what to do about that, but I get by.

I’m officially out as nonbinary. Raine messes up sometimes, but he uses my pronouns. I know he’s not the best at that, so I’m patient about it. I tell him more things about myself now. He even knows I’m Sunbeam. 

Most importantly, I’m trying to be nicer to myself. I still have depression, that’s never fully going away no matter how many pills I take. I don’t skip them anymore though, that helps for sure.

As for the storm, it’s been persistent. I’ve moved it away and tried clearing it up, but it comes back periodically. Other disasters and incidents are cropping up along the coast as well. It seems like more selfish people are commanding their wishes into existence. Much like how I did.

When I was a kid, I was unhappy with everything about myself. I didn’t like how I looked, I didn’t like the name I was given, I especially hated how powerless I was. I didn’t wish to change the weather. I didn’t even really wish for power. All I wanted was to turn into one thing, the person I saw myself as.

I don’t help people just because it’s right. It makes me feel better being someone with the power to help. The best I can do is try to do good with it, lest I become like those with worse intentions. Every day I do my best to make this work, to give as much as I take. That’s how any wish comes true. It’s how I’ll make mine fully come true. Bit by bit, becoming…

My ideal self.